Posted in Blogging, God, marriage, men, relationships, weddings, women

Missed the Point

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 I tried a new church today. The topic was marriage and the pastor began by talking about a ceremony where a woman marries herself and states she will live life to the fullest. There have been four women that have had these ceremonies but no men. Now he went down the path of marriage being between a man and a woman and nothing else. I think he totally missed the point of those ceremonies. Those women weren’t being self-indulgent or trying to redefine marriage. As a society we have taught single women that they are less than married women. If a woman reaches thirty unmarried, she is inundated with questions. However as a society we don’t ask single men in their thirties why aren’t they married yet. I think those women were saying that their lives were no less full and happy because they were single.

   Women do not have the same choices as men, even though society insists that we do. Women do not have an open door on fertility. Freezing eggs is not a choice for 99.9% of women. So if a woman wants children of her own and doesn’t want to do it alone, she must be married. Society has let men extend their adolescence into their late thirties and early forties. They focus on their career, having fun with their friends, sleep around and then decide to get married. If a woman waits until then to marry she may still be able to have children but it is not a given. A fifty year old man can marry a 30 year old woman and start his family. The reverse is not possible.

   There is still a double standard. Men can date down economically and in age. While people make jokes about cougars, the reality is most men who don’t have a family yet, won’t give up that option by marrying an older woman. And if a financially successful woman is in a relationship with a man who is not her financial equal, there is static on both sides. But a financially successful man routinely throws away the wife that got him to where he is and marries a much younger woman. No one bats an eye.

  So I think the pastor missed the point of those ceremonies. Women need to not feel less than because they are single. And rather than preaching about single women deciding to be happy being single, he should be preaching to the man-boys about growing up, being Godly men and putting away childish things. He should preach about how easily men are tempted and pulled away from their wives and families.  He should be out there helping men of all ages see that a relationship with God will enhance their lives, make their lives richer (not $$), and ground them in a way they need.

Posted in Uncategorized

Speaking up or Fitting in?

I made a comment on another book review blog. Bookowly  The blogger had reviewed a graphic novel that she had difficulty deciding if it was written for older teens or younger kids. She didn’t like the book despite all sorts of positive reviews on other sites. I responded that reviews are so misleading. I believe too many people are afraid to speak up and say they don’t like a book or movie if most of the reviews are positive. I have read too many bad books and seen too many bad movies after reading a host of views singing their praises.

Why are we so afraid to speak up and go against the grain? We live in a society where individualism is preached yet when it comes time to be an individual, people shy away. We do it all the time in all the aspects of our lives. We think as individuals but tend too many times to act as a group. When was the last time you disagreed with a group of friends? Not a one on one basis, but in a group?

I remember being with a group of women in my age group and they were discussing Hooters. Not a single woman had anything positive to say about the young women that worked there. They were busy passing judgment and talked as they knew these young women’s life situations. Now Hooters  isn’t my choice of restaurants but I spoke up. I said that they were doing nothing illegal and didn’t we all trade on our looks from time to time in our lives? They berated me because the girls are so sexual. I can assure you that there was only one woman (devout Mormon) in our group who hadn’t at some time worn short shorts, tank tops and more sexual clothing when we were young. I stood my ground. I said they were judging young women who were doing the best they knew how to make a living. Maybe they were supporting a family, paying for school etc. We didn’t know. And if they didn’t like “breastraunts” then they should take action and create other opportunities for young women.

I created some enemies that evening. And it wasn’t too many years after that evening our group broke up. We had met the first Wednesday of the month for 13 years and it had taken me that long to realize I didn’t want to be in that mindset of women. So stop and think. Ask yourself if you always go along with the group, the majority opinion or do you really speak up for yourself.