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Posted in Faith

Finding Joy Again

Graduation

When I found myself divorced, I became very depressed. I honestly believed God had forgotten me and that I’d never find joy in my life again. I was unemployed for 4.5 years. I was living off of a rapidly dwindling 401k. And while countless people offered advice on finding a job, no matter what type of job I applied for, I wouldn’t get any response. And trust me I tried the most basic, hourly wage jobs to things for which I’d be better suited. Nothing.

I decided I needed to move closer to my eldest daughter because she lived in a very affordable city. Depression came with me and so did the tears. I really didn’t see a way out of my situation beyond moving in with my daughter or mother. And then a miracle happened.

My daughter was working as a nanny, part-time and her employers needed someone for the two extra days. I jumped at the chance because the small amount of money, would help me stay afloat. I had no idea I was about to fall in love.

From day one of caring for APL, my depression began to lift. It wasn’t so heavy. There was sunshine instead of dark clouds. Several months after starting, my daughter left to have my first grandson and chose not to return to work. So now I was the full-time care provider for this sweet boy.

I tell him God knew I needed him and sent me to this town so I could take care of him. He was 16 months old when I began and soon will be 6 and heading to first grade. Just like with my own kids, the time has flown.

While from time to time, my depression returns, it leaves quickly and is never as severe. Two more children have been added to my employer’s family and with it more joy.

I should have trusted God. He knew what he was doing the entire time.

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Posted in life

Long Time Away

I didn’t realize it had been a year since I posted anything on my blog. With all the time alone, it would have been easy to write about something, anything at all but I found it much too easy to do nothing. Which sadly, has been my excuse for several years now, post divorce to plan nothing.

My Current Backyard

The title of my blog is LifeRewritten because as many people do, I had a life plan. My ex and I had even discussed vacations where we’d take our future grandkids. And trips we would enjoy together. Alas those dreams will not happen. I started this blog to work through my emotions and now it is time to start actually writing those new chapters.

First: buy a house which I did May 2019. Two years have flown by and I am beginning a new project. I have a small, shallow, wide backyard. After two years of contemplating do I or don’t I spend the money to do something to it, I decided to take the plunge.

I had several landscapers come out but they didn’t give much direction and the cost was astronomical for very few plants. So I researched on the internet and read my trusty Neil Sperry Texas Garden book. I drew countless arrangements of plants and trees. I finally decided on a general plan and on May 29th, the work begins. I’ll need to add many more plants once this initial work is completed.

And while promised by the end of May, I am not as hopeful for my new patio cover. A previous owner had a sunscreen hung as a patio cover. The ice storm ripped it down and now I am having a new one built. The builder promised me by the end of May, but now he says he is in the middle of a house remodel. I am not happy, but I am committed to this builder now.

The first chapter of a LifeRewritten begun in May 2019 when I bought my house. I didn’t add too many pages but it’s time to start writing the future again.

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Posted in life

Hidden message in Frozen?

Frozen is a successful animated movie focusing on 2 sisters. I know Elsa took the world by storm and everyone loves her. But I love Anna because it’s through her we see an example of Christ like love.

Anna, has had a life of being rejected by Elsa with no idea why. While Elsa is aware of why she has shut herself away, she leaves Anna to mourn the loss of their parents alone and to grow up alone with no explanation. Elsa made a choice which altered Anna’s life.

Elsa was bitter that she had this ice power. She was angry and she was scared. Did she choose to ask her sister for help? Or did she choose to hide from her fear.

When Elsa finally comes out of hiding, her sister, Anna could have been angry for being abandoned and ignored by her sister, but she wasn’t. Just like God welcoming a sinner to faith, Anna welcomes her sister with unconditional acceptance and love. In fact she is overjoyed but Elsa continues to focus on herself and her fears.

Then when Elsa loses control she doesn’t ask for help. She RUNS away. Don’t most of us want to run away in the midst of a struggle? Some of us do run but some of us are like Anna, who in my mind is the real heroine and star of the show.

Anna isn’t upset Elsa has powers to freeze. She’s upset because her sister chose to run away and not face it together. And does Anna say good riddance, my sister left me to grieve alone, grow up alone with no explanation and now leaves me again? No. Anna puts her own safety aside and goes in pursuit of her sister, Elsa.

Anna fights the elements which includes massive amounts of snow, high mountains, wild wolves, a harrowing sleigh ride, frozen clothing and a quirky man. She realizes she can’t rescue Elsa alone. Anna asks for help. Anna doesn’t give up and return home. She fights on for her sister even though Elsa gave Anna a fatal blow which even the trolls can’t heal. Anna’s heart is frozen by Elsa.

Elsa doesn’t return of her own accord. She ends up imprisoned again putting Anna’s life at risk because she refused to come home. Even as Anna is dying, she stands between her sister and death so Elsa could live. In the end Anna is frozen and it isn’t until that moment, Elsa recognizes the sacrifice Her sister has made. Love breaks through and saves not just Anna but Elsa too.

Isn’t that like our relationship with God? We hide. We run. We try and cover up our sins. We refuse to accept responsibility for our actions. We don’t want to face consequences. God like Anna doesn’t refuse us or turn us away but He pursues us. He pursues us with a relentless love. And ultimately sacrifices His own son, Jesus so we can live. It’s an unconditional love. Anna loved Elsa unconditionally giving her life so her sister could live. Who knew theology could be found in Frozen?

Posted in life

525600 minutes

Recently I heard the song from Rent, Seasons of Love and this time I really listened to the words. There is a line which says “525,000 journeys to plan”. Something clicked and I asked myself do I or have I ever planned my life journey on a daily basis.

I have of course planned days and weeks and my life but more in the to do list sense. Married check, buy a house check, have kids check, be a good mom etc. But planning my life with ideas of how to broaden and enhance it rarely made it on the list.

I can’t say I’ve ever been in touch with my “authentic self”. In fact I’ve never really even understood that term. However I do believe I sold myself short for most of my life, never really believing in my abilities.

When I divorced I was devastated but thanks to God because he has given me a 2nd chance to rewrite my story. As I write this post, I am sitting outside with the children I keep 50 plus hours a week. Why is that significant? Because I feared I’d have no purpose and joy after the big D and here I am very happy and very loved.

I’ve begun planning my journeys which doesn’t mean trips. It means exploring myself, the world and people around me and always learn new things.

Here are a few journeys I put on my list:

1. Practice French more often

2. Learn a language other than French. (Currently it’s Norwegian).

3. Stop self criticizing what I do and how I look.

Posted in life

525,600 minutes

Recently I heard the song from Rent, Seasons of Love and this time I really listened to the words. There is a line which says “525,000 journeys to plan”. Something clicked and I asked myself do I or have I ever planned my life journey on a daily basis.

I have of course planned days and weeks and my life but more in the to do list sense. Married check, buy a house check, have kids check, be a good mom etc. But planning my life with ideas of how to broaden and enhance it rarely made it on the list.

My new journey

I can’t say I’ve ever been in touch with my “authentic self”. In fact I’ve never really even understood that term. However I do believe I sold myself short for most of my life, never really believing in my abilities.

When I divorced I was devastated but I thank God, because he has given me a 2nd chance to rewrite my story. As I write this post, I am sitting outside with the children I keep 50 plus hours a week. Why is that significant? Because I feared I’d have no purpose and joy after the big D and here I am very happy and very loved.

I’ve begun planning my journeys which doesn’t mean trips. It means exploring myself, the world and people around me and always learn new things.

Here are a few journeys I put on my list:

1. Practice French more often

2. Learn a language other than French. (Currently it’s Norwegian).

3. Stop self criticizing what I do and how I look.

4. I’ve always practiced gratitude but this time it will be focused on whatever can’t be bought.

So here’s to this first 525600 minute journey.

Posted in divorce, Dreaming, family, Goal, life, summer, Uncategorized

It’s a beginning

The landscapers came and it is a small beginning in a long process. I found out today that the man who was building my patio cover bailed on me. I am not happy. I must now begin the process of finding someone else and hopefully I can afford them.

The raised bed has no soil so that is my next project. I’ll keep it simple and try tomatoes once I have soil in.

It’s been raining a lot which normally would be a downer but with all my new plants and trees the rain is a blessing.

Some times I think about the what if’s of life especially when it comes to seeing my grandchildren. It is then and only then I wish things were different. And pray that I can retire sooner rather than later.

Posted in life

Cooped up

I know many of you, most of you are tired of being stuck at home with your family. Maybe it’s just you and your partner, you and your kids, or maybe you even have extended family who lives with you. You must feel the walls closing in.

But for many of us, we live alone. There is no one there to get into your space, annoy you, make demands on you or hold you. Being alone all the time isn’t healthy. Humans are made for companionship. We need hugs. We need closeness. And there is no one there.

It’s beginning to wear on me. While I still work during the day, so I have contact with some people, I have no family. Not a single one of my family lives nearby. The closest one lives 1,243 miles away. Being far apart is difficult enough and add a pandemic on top it sucks!

So the next time someone you love is annoying you, remember it’s a blessing!

Posted in life

The Player Next Door by K.A. Tucker – Review

K.A. Tucker’s THE PLAYER NEXT DOOR is available now! This one definitely has a different feel from Tucker’s other novels…

The Player Next Door by K.A. Tucker – Review
Posted in life

Dear Emmie Blue by Lia Louis – Review

Have you ever started a book and realized you have picked it up at just the right time? This happened to me with DEAR EMMIE BLUE. I was in quite a …

Dear Emmie Blue by Lia Louis – Review
Posted in life

Making it my Own

I have begun the slow process of making the house my own. My daughter and family leave on the 14th and I’ll have 3 weeks to hopefully accomplish a lot.

I have spent I think $75 on paint samples. Not sure why selecting colors is always so difficult. I had hoped to keep the dark navy blue In the living/dining area but in the end I decided it would always seem like my daughter’s house unless I changed the colors.

So here is my ‘get it done’ list before the movers come for my furniture mid July.

1- paint the living/dining room

2-prime and paint kitchen cabinets

3-replace kitchen flooring and one bedroom flooring*

4-add backsplash

5-paint kitchen walls

6-new sink, faucet, countertops installed.*

7-new appliances delivered and installed*

8-paint Old kitchen hutch purchased on Craigslist

9-lay sod in backyard*

And those are the things I remember. I’m certain I’m forgetting something. With a 50 hour work week I won’t have lots of free time so focus is imperative.

Wish me luck. I’ll post photos as I begin this coming weekend.

Dede