Another horrible terroist attack took place yesterday in Manchester, UK. Innocent lives were lost because of a misguided soul who lived everyday in darkness.
And in the dark, perverse and evil forces trained his brain to stop thinking. They programmed it to do what they themselves are too cowardly to do.
And in the dark you have no hope. You can’t see the people waiting to help you. You can’t imagine a life with light because you’ve been in the darkness for so long.
We can’t let those souls stay in the darkness of evil or there will be more attacks. We must spare a kind word, a smile, hope to each person who crosses our path.
The light shines in the darkness. But the darkness hasn’t overcome the light. John 1:5
Above is a photo of the Ethan Allen hall table I purchased at a resale shop for $85. Little did I know stopping at the new resale shop around the corner would turn out not to be a random choice I made.
I clicked with the owner right away. We chatted for over 45 minutes. After I made sure the table would fit, I called back and said I wanted the table.
Yesterday I stopped again to look at a small side table. Unfortunately it has sold but we began to chat again. And before I knew it this woman and her husband were praying over me. No one has ever prayed over me in my 57 years. Standing in a circle of three, hearing ‘Lord lift her up, remind her Lord you have better days planned for her’ and many more words of love, I left the store choking back tears.
As much as I love my new ‘used’ table, I believe there was divine intervention and the table was just used to get me inside to meet these wonderful people.
My baby turned 33 today and is expecting her first baby, a boy, on June 22nd. All of us who are parents understand how difficult it is sometimes to grasp who quickly time goes.
My sweet little jewel with her thick head of black hair, in a matter of what seems like a moment, is grown-up. She is going to be a mama. Very soon she and her husband will experience that explosion of love which happens in your heart. Which is soon followed by an intense desire to protect your child from everything hurtful. And we know that not possible.
My friends tell me being a grandparent is even more fun than being a parent. I’m sure it will be. I’m ready to have my own explosion of love in my heart.
What exactly are single men over 50 looking for in a woman? I tried online dating and found it to be disheartening. Maybe I’m crazy and shouldn’t expect intelligent, attractive, successful men to contact me. I mean I am no longer the super slim twenty something and I have a few wrinkles around my eyes. If I believe what I read and see in the media it’s time I accept finding love when I’m just 2.5 years away from 60 is hopeless.
I lack serious human connection. Making friends at this stage of life has proven to be impossible. The places I made friends before my divorce are no longer open to me here in this place. Close connections are key to happiness and living a long life. I don’t want a short life. I want 50 more years.
Ever since I was in elementary school, I’ve dreamed of being a writer. I wrote a story about secret doors, a story about an American girl raised in France who has to return to the US during high school, and more. I’ve journaled when I felt bad and when I felt great. Always in the back of my mind, I dreamed of being a writer.
I think seeing my account nearly empty of funds and not making enough to support myself, spurred me on with a either now or never attitude.
I’ve learned through my daughter Books for the living and her book blog a new vocabulary. And this includes the term beta reader. These are people who volunteerily read your first draft. They critique the story, point out holes in the plot, timeline issues etc. My daughter sent my book off to a beta reader and I was completely blown away by her comments. It was a very good review with only a few plot line and timeline issues. Once I’m finished making the changes, I’ll hire an editor to take it to the next step.
And hopefully in the not too distant future, you’ll be able to find Unpacking Dreams at Amazon as an ebook.
Most of us are familiar with the phrase “wrong side of the tracks”. It’s a reference to how railroad tracks separated the “nice” side of town with the “undesirable” side of town. The difference was typically financial.
I’ve been lucky. For most of my life I’ve have been able to live in comfort, in a safe area, with plenty of room in my house. I felt blessed and loved opening my home to friends and family. Money was never an issue. Of course early in my marriage, we struggled but over time financial struggles grew less.
Now I am living on the other side of the tracks. I have no health insurance. Today my new glasses, due to my difficult prescription, cost $805. That included the exam. No idea how I’ll pay for them, but they are needed. I am having some health problems which require expensive medical tests. I can’t afford them because in Texas I must make less than approximately $12,000 to qualify for Medicaid.
I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed. I feel scared. I feel trapped. This must be the same feeling millions of people live with every day. They are poor but not poor enough. It truly is a stressful way to live.
Take the time and go see the other side of the track. Talk to someone. Help someone. Maybe even someone you know is in the same situation I’m in and are too embarassed to ask for help. Reach out.
I wish it wasn’t so. I’m on a long and lonely road. This a detour I didn’t expect or plan. And how I’ve prayed I would get back on the main road but for whatever God has kept me in this winding side road.
So far I don’t understand why. Not even a little peek into what I am supposed to be learning. Loneliness can be deadly. It becomes an actual physical pain which you carry around. I can feel my heart constrict.
Look around at your own world. Someone is in need of a friend. You may think you’re too busy and don’t have time for another friend. You may think you don’t know anyone who is lonely but I can guarantee you, there is at least one person you know who is lonely. You may be afraid of rejection but the simple act of reaching out can save a life.
So invite someone to lunch. Ask your single neighbor to join your family for dinner. Start a conversation. Connect. Connect. Connect.
My heart and head are not in alignment. My head says forgive myself. My heart says no I don’t deserve it. I play over and over in my head all of the mistakes I’ve made as a mother, a wife, a daughter and friend and find it impossible to forgive myself.
I’m not exactly sure why because I forgive easily others. Sometimes it might take awhile but I eventually do. I still cry when I remember some of the things I’ve said. I know God forgives me, I just need the key to forgiving myself.