Tag: family

Posted in depression, Faith, questions, Uncategorized

Prayer

Posted on by Dede


I am reading Timothy Keller’s book “Prayer”. I am hoping it will help me understand how to pray and how to recognize God’s voice. Now I’m not expecting God’s voice like Moses heard it. I’m expecting to hear it as still, small voice. But these last few years, I’ve struggled with faith and staying steadfast.

Someone I love has received a diagnosis of cancer. The future holds chemo, hair loss, radiation and hope to be cancer free. I’ve already lost my marriage. I’m still unemployed with only enough money for a few more months. My youngest is unsettled trying to find a new path. My oldest is unsure whether to start a family when there is only enough money to squeak by. Of course things could be worse, but I want to see God working in my life. I want to hear his voice and know his will.

I do know I allowed sorrow and depression to rob me of what once was a vibrant prayer life. Just like anything good for you which you e given up, it takes a concerted effort to get back on track. I’m about halfway through the book. All I can do is one step at a time.

Posted in daughters, divorce, family, Uncategorized

How do you apologize?

Posted on by Dede

How do you tell your precious daughters you are so sorry you made such a bad choice in a husband and father? I know many people will think I wouldn’t have my girls without him but I believe they were meant to me mine regardless of who fathered them.

He provided the basic necessities of life but he never gave of himself. There are no memories of a dad offering advice, comforting a broken heart, guiding choices or times of caring. Life was all about him. Nothing has changed.

It’s why he walked away from his daughters and never looked back. He was never connected to them. There was no love for them. They were nothing more than adornments to be used and when they expected him to step up to the plate and be an honorable man and a good father by seeking help, he walked away.

So to my daughters, who I love more than life itself, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made such a bad choice. I’m sorry I stayed. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out of such a dysfunctional environment sooner. Please forgive me. I love you.

Posted in Uncategorized

Keep Going

Posted on by Dede

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” ― Winston S. Churchill It hurts. It gets old. It’s a dull pain one day and a sharp pain the next. Getting through the bad times wears you down and shapes you at the same time. You can’t see your way out and you’re convinced they will […]

http://myworldwithwords.com/2016/04/28/keep-going/

Posted in book, characters, choices, family, food, friendship, love, New life, relationships, Uncategorized

Lost Art of Dining

Posted on by Dede

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I am currently reading a book series by Martin Walker. They tell the story of Bruno Courrèges , the chief of police in the Périgord area of France. He loves his village of St. Denis, his adopted hometown. Here he finds the love and support he didn’t have as an orphaned boy. One of his great loves is cooking and dining well. He is gourmand and I sadly am a daughter of American cuisine. My palate would be challenged by some of his meals. However, the food doesn’t need to be fancy to be shared.

Dining with friends is a central theme throughout the series. Bruno is known for his cooking in addition to his astute police work. Laughter, sadness, love, hopes and dreams are shared between friends and family around the dinner table. Farewells are said to friends lost through death. Now I realize this is a book and not real life, but I do know the importance sitting together with your family for one meal a day . It plays a vital role in our lives. It is the one chance each day we have the opportunity to focus on those most important to us. Dinner time is when a child might express concern or joy about something inparticular. It is when parents teach their children through discussion the importance of staying connected with what is going on in the world. It is clearly the time parents can share their values through simple conversation.

Dining with friends widens our network of support. We are reminded we don’t face life’s hardships alone and we don’t celebrate the goodness of life alone either. At the dinner table we learn to give thanks for the simple things in life and the importance having a strong network of friends can be. Americans though have a difficult time sitting down and dining. Dinner is often rushed take out. Everyone grabs their order then scrambles off to their private space in the house. I know time is limited and the author is very clever because he writes about Bruno doing preperations prior to his day beginning. It does take practice but if everyone shared the responsiblity (at the the husband and wife) then it wouldn’t seem like such a burden.

Americans don’t entertain friends much anymore either, at least most of my former friends didn’t. When I or the one other friend who entertained would invite people to share dinner in our homes, you would think we had given them an expensive and irreplacable gift. I agree the gift of friendship is irreplacable but sharing dinner doesn’t have to be.  If you can’t afford to serve dinner to a group of friends, host a potluck. Or maybe host a dessert party, a make your own pizza party or an after dinner drinks party. The object is to come together for a time and shut out the rest of the world. Bruno, time and time again, finds the support and encouragement he needs around the dinner table.

I live alone and have allowed this to be my excuse for not cooking. Why cook for one? It is so much work if I am the only one who will be eating. Sadly I am teaching myself I am not worth the effort to make good food. A goal I have as I move on from this place, is to bring back the art of dining, even if it is only dining for one.

 

 

Posted in family, friends, God, New life, Uncategorized

Where do you belong?

Posted on by Dede

  
Do you know where you belong? Do you have a place that is home? I’m not talking about a house but a place where you feel totally accepted? A place where your heart finds comfort? A place where friends are family and family are friends?

I hope so because I can tell you not having a place to belong makes one heartsick. I thought I had found where I belonged but divorce cost me that community. Now alone, I am like a ship with no sails in the ocean of life. Ugh what a terrible metaphor but it describes how I feel.

I am not at home or comfortable where I went to high school and college. I’ve been gone almost 34 years and I only lived there for 8 years. My finances greatly limits where I can go buy even if I had unlimited resources, I don’t know where I’d go. 

What makes you feel at home? What makes you feel accepted, part of the community? Do you have friends who are family and family who are friends? What brings you comfort? What makes you call your place home? 

Posted in book review, family, friendship, Uncategorized

Porch Lights by Dorthea Benton Frank

Posted on by Dede

 Dorothea Benton Frank makes me want to pack my bags and move to Charleston, SC or one of the islands just of the coast. Her story is woven with the timelessness of loss, love, mother-daughter issues, growing up, and sadly dealing with an untimely death.
I do take issue though to her portrayal of Annie Britt, the 58 year old mother and grandmother in the book. She seems totally disconnected with technology. Now I can’t write computer programs but I do use technology on a daily basis and her portrayal of Annie as technologically inept aged her tremendously. Now I do worry about aging just like Annie. I never want to ask anyone how old I look for fear they will say something older than my 56 years.
Her daughter, Jackie and son Charlie come for a visit after the death of her fireman husband in a tragic fire related accident. Having made a life for herself in Brooklyn and in thand Army as a nurse, she has seen the worst the world has to offer. Charlie is ten and as expected has withdrawn since his father’s death.
Add in to th the mix, a beach front home with a porch, separated grandparents, a wise best friend, two rambunctious dogs and an attractive widowed doctor and with time, love and a hurricane a lot of healing happens.
I think I will put on my to do list, a trip to Charleston and the outer islands. My soul feels it’s pull.
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February 19, 2016Leave a replyEdit

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty
img_0087.jpgSecrets, everyone has them. The question is what do we do with them and what do we do when we learn other people’s secret. This is a tale which I can relate. Cecilia has what she believes is a perfect life, a handsome husband, three wonderful daughters, a successful career and an active volunteer life. While that isn’t exactly a description of my life, it comes close. The there is Tess married with a son and extremely close to her cousin Felicity. Close as sisters they share all aspects of their lives. Rachel, a still grieving mom whose only daughter was murdered, now grieving the departure of her son, daughter-in-law and only grandson to New York City. This new grief catapults her into an obsessive belief the school PE teacher killed her daughter.
It all comes crashing down when each woman learns a secret. Each reacts differently but all causing more chaos in their
already damaged lives. Cecelia must decide if she should keep her husband’s secret. In making the choice to keep the ugly truth secret many lives are affected and changed forever. All three women’s lives are intertwined through St. Angela’s Catholic school. As each woman faces choices concerning a secret they struggle. What is the right thing to do versus the best thing for their families.
I understand how difficult it can be when you learn an ugly secret truth about your husband. Hindsight is 20/20. I can see how my choice to keep the ugly truth to myself, I caused damage to myself and my daughters. As difficult as it would have been to face it whe it happened, I would have been able to reach out for help. I could have avoided the deep sadness and depression during my marriage and post divorce. Secrets destroy a soul. That’s is what Cecilia learned. That is what Tess learned. It is what Rachel learned. It’s a lesson I took a long time to learn.
Liane Moriarty has an ease in her writing that captures what most of are honking. Whe. Cecilia thinks to herself, I can hear myself rambling and chattering but I can’t stop. I talk when I’m nervous, I thought that’s me”! When Tess wondered what she was lacking that caused her husband to look elsewhere, that was me. And when Rachel becomes obsessed with “justice” and “vengeance” that was me too. Life in Melbourne, Australia isn’t very different than life here in Texas.
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February 14, 2016Leave a replyEdit

The Fortune Hunter by Daisy Goodwin
I didn’t realize when I purchased this book it was based on a true story. Interestingly it had a decidedly modern problem. Empress Elizabeth of Austria was considered at the time, late 19th century, the most beautiful woman in the world. She had been empress since she was 16, had hair that hung below her knees and was a consummate horsewoman. However she also was under constant public scrutiny. Like royalty and stars of today, she was unable to move about freel. She always felt like she was on display.
Elizabeth, known to intimates as Sisi, spends hunting season in England. There she meets Bay Middleton through Earl of Spencer (yes Princess Diana’s great great grandfather). He was her pilot, a guide for the hunt. Charlotte Baird, a young heiress has fallen in love with Bay who has become a favorite of the Empress.
The story is a fictional account based on historical facts. Money, power, love, politics all come into play. Just like today private lives aren’t so private and the insecurity women feel over aging and beauty is as prevalent today as it was then. I enjoyed this book especially knowing it was based on facts.
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February 4, 2016Leave a replyEdit

There’s cake in my future

There’s cake in my future by Kim Gruenenfelder
cake-charm-pull
Melissa, Seema and Nicole are three friends who share their life joys and struggles with each other. Nicole is engaged, ready to marry the man of her dreams when his ex-wife decides Nicole and Jason they must care for their two young daughters making Nicole not just a newlywed but a full-time mom. Seema is secretly in love with her best friend, Scott, but can’t bring herself to make a move on him. Melissa just learned her boyfriend of six years has been cheating on her and ends the relationship. Different struggles but all centered around love.
While I am a generation older than the women in this book, I can relate to struggles concerning love. In fact there is a passage by Melissa that speaks directly to me. “I’m not only mourning the old relationship, I’m mourning the future I thought I was going to have. The future I’d been planning for. (for me personally-it was the future I was promised). Fighting for. Counting on. I counted on something, and I lost. I fought hard for something and I lost. I don’t understand why the universe is allowing Fred (Doug) to be rewarded for his betrayal. For his lies. Why should he be loved when I am alone? While he gets off scot-free, I suffer the heartbreak. He smokes-I get lung cancer.”
This obviously chick-lit but I often wonder how much men could learn about women if they read one chick-lit book a year. They are like windows into the minds of most women. While they aren’t 100% accurate and all women don’t think exactly like women do in chick-lit books, there are enough similarities, it seems to me if you want to understand your girlfriend or wife, read a chick-lit book.
I’ve read a Keep Calm and Carry a big Drink first and it is a sequel to this book. If you can read them in order do so. It was a fun read but it also invoked deep emotions for me because of what the character Melissa had to go through. Sadly I haven’t had the happy ending she found but then again I am 24 years older than she is.
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January 29, 2016Leave a replyEdit

Style Isn’t Easy by Olivia Goldsmith

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I read this book years ago and recently found it in a box. I decided it was time for a reread. Olivia Goldsmith is better known for First Wives Club. However this little book has proven its value over and over. And if I were smart, I would carry it around with me at all times or at least keep a list of the most important points. I would have saved a lot of money.
How many times have I stood in my closet, filled with clothing and thought to myself I have nothing to wear? More times than it is possible to count. Why is that? Why would a woman with a closet full of clothes have nothing to wear?
The clothes don’t fit well.

Buttons are missing.

Belts are missing.

Is it still in style?

Are the clothes appropriate to the occasion?

Are they too young for me?

Are they too old for me?

How do I accessorize what I have so I don’t look boring?

The list could go on and on. Olivia tackles the question of why the American woman is always agonizing over why she has nothing to wear. The answer is simple. We have too many choices. We don’t plan. We don’t care for our clothing appropriately because we leave things like missing buttons unfixed. We buy on whims. We buy on sale. We buy to make ourselves feel better. We buy for all the wrong reasons.
The biggest takeaways for me from the book are the following:
Try everything on. If it doesn’t fit give it away

Examine the remaining pieces and take care of any repairs needed

Separate items by color and piece (pants with pants)

Then either alone or with a friend put together outfits and hang your outfits in your closet. So you might have 5-7 days of outfits already put together and ready to go.

Once you have your outfits together, decide if something is needed like a scarf, a belt etc.

Determine if you are missing a staple piece i.e. a good white shirt

Write down what you specifically need, NOT WANT, and DO NOT BUY anything that is NOT on this list. A bargain that is worn only once is not truly a bargain.

Buy only clothing that fits well. Take it to a tailor if necessary.

One last comment. I read an article by a professor from the University of North Texas. It was eye opening concerning sizes. In the end if you don’t like what the tag says, but it fits well, buy it and cut out the tag. You can read her article here. Just a small spoiler – there can be as must as a 13 inch difference between two pairs of pants marked the same size. The deception of sizing

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January 28, 20161 ReplyEdit

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Posted in Blogging, characters, communication, family, fictional, marriage, movie, relationships, Uncategorized, WordPress

Helppo Elämä

Posted on by Dede

 Helppo elämä

Easy Living

As part of my Experience Passport I am watching 3 foreign language movies. I watched Farewell my Queen. It is a French film. But rather than selecting another movie, I decided to watch some episodes of a foreign TV show. As a subscriber to AcornTv, I chose Helppo elämä, a Finnish TV show.

Immediately I realized that nothing about the language sounded remotely familiar. Of course there are subtitles, but I didn’t expect the language to sound so “foreign”. I know that sounds silly but I’ve tried to learn French since I was 12 and I live in Texas so I hear Spanish everyday. I also hear variations of other languages but Finnish is definitely the most unique language I’ve heard.

I searched online and learned it is most closely related to Estonian and Hungarian. Now my ignorance of geography was highlighted. I had assumed because Finland is Scandinavian that the language would be related to Norwegian, Danish or Swedish. I pulled up a map and saw that Finland is just north of Estonia and a mere 240 miles (approximate). That is half the distance from Austin to El Paso. Now it made sense. 

The storyline is unusual. It follows a family in which the father is a criminal because he has a 4 million € tax debt and therefore can’t hold a regular job. Each family member has problems including a strangely vindictive mother. What I have found most unusual aside from the language, is that everyone is white. Living in a multi-cultural and multi-racial country makes life like a beautiful quilt and each piece is different and unique. I’m not criticizing the show because there are a lot of countries that are not racially diverse. And as we have slowly learned in the US, television should be a reflection of the people. While we aren’t there yet, we do have more diversity now than when I was growing up a 1,000 years ago.

It’s been fun watching a culture that sounds so different but looks so similar in clothing, furnishings and autos. Lots of Volvos and VWs. Take a chance and view the world through a new and wider lens.

Helppo elämä

Posted in Experience, Faith, family, Fun, games, God, New life, relationships, Uncategorized, values, WordPress

Presents or Presence?

Posted on by Dede

 


No, I didn’t misspell presence. I never thought about the fact that presents and presence are homophones. Two words with different spellings and meanings but pronounced the same way. I think there is significance in this discovery. Why? Because now at Christmas it is so easy to get focused on presents. I won’t lie. I love buying and giving gifts. To see the joy and excitement on my loved ones’ faces brings me such joy. But if I asked them to tell me what they got for Christmas last year they might be able to name one or two things but if I ask them what we did, I am certain they would remember.

Our shared worship experience, our shared Christmas Eve, our shared Christmas Day meal, opening presents together, a movie or games played, the funny family selfie, those are the things we remember. It is our presence together which makes the holiday memorable, not the gifts. Our celebration has undergone a change these last 3 years and it would be easy to focus on who was missing, but we have chosen to focus on who is present and the presence of Jesus. He is the focus of our Christmas.

It is His presence in our lives that adds a fullness and richness which no amount of presents could match. We may not have a perfect family or a perfect home but we have a perfect little baby, Jesus who isthe son of God andthe Prince of Peace. He came to save the world. He came to save me and you.

Merry Christmas and may 2016 find your life full of blessings and peace.

Posted in family, food, math, New life, reunions, summer, writing101

Two plus Two equals Four

Posted on by Dede

familytree

   As a simple math question the answer is yes 2 + 2 = 4 but in terms of life nothing could be further from the truth. When two people join together and create a new life, they become 3. And most families add to that number and become 4, 5, 6 or more.

  If your family is close then there is a good chance you will have experienced a family reunion. It is a large party where the progeny of two people all come together. In my family it was the children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren of George and Rose. Over 100 people would gather in the heat of the summer, in a park in Oklahoma City with containers of fried chicken, potato salad, watermelon, homegrown tomatoes, lots and lots of pie, and if we were really lucky someone would make homemade ice cream.

  My mother was an only child and I have only one sister, so in my daily life we had a very small family. So on those yearly summer days, to learn I was part of something bigger, a family with many branches helped me feel grounded and reminded me I belonged. Maybe my lineage wasn’t to fabulous wealth or royalty, but it was clear my lineage was one of love, caring and a deep and abiding faith in God.

  We no longer go to those reunions. My grandmother and all of her siblings have passed on. The group has now splintered off as those other great aunts and uncles have become great, great grandparents in their own right. So they began having their own reunions. Life goes on. Modern life has taken everyone in their own directions. I think about trying to revive the family reunion even though my own family is small. It would consist of 9 people. But I pray and hope that it will grow as my children and my sister’s children marry and have children of their own. So no, I don’t think 2 + 2 = 4.

If you want to have our own family reunion here are some resources: Family Reunion Planning  and Family Reunion Ideas