Posted in Blogging, choices, depression, Experience

What can you do well?

 

New Year’s Eve reference above.

I enjoy following people on Instagram. It gives me a peek into lives all over the world. Some of Instagramers are exceptional photographers. I love following the bakers and drooling over their desserts. I follow seamstresses whose creations are so incredible it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact someone made them.

I’ve never done anything really well. I have friends who are excellent cooks, a friend who is an artist. I’ve got a friend who makes incredible things from beads. My sister is an outstanding teacher. My mother creates beautiful cards. There is the friend whose garden looks like it’s from the pages of a magazine. Or my friend who loves on a small farm while working as a dentist. My oldest daughter sings like an angel and my youngest is creative. She writes, does photography, graphic art designs and blogs. The list goes on and on.

Me? Nothing. Nada. Rien. Zilch. Zero. You get the idea. All I do well is depression which doesn’t create the life I want. My nightmares have returned which causes serious sleep disturbances.

I’d love to know what you do well? Where do you exceed average? Are you a successful business person? An artist? Unusually creative? A baker? A great cook? Gardner? Great at explaining faith in a way people can understand? A writer? Please share because I’d love know.

Posted in Faith

Kicked when down

I’m reading an inspirational book with the story of Joseph as the basis. Interspersed throughout the book are stories of ordinary people. The author knows these people first hand and have watched them suffer unspeakable trauma and sorrow. Yet all of them come through the fire with a stronger faith.

What about those of us who aren’t strong? Who don’t have the emotional strength to carry on? Who try through prayer and worship to gain strength and faith and still are weak? Who still are hopeless?

Posted in daughters, depression

Lost in Failure

Why do I keep failing?  Why do we share different memories? Why do we fail to understand how our words and actions hurt those we love? Why am I invisible? Never to be fully seen? Why do rub those I love the wrong way? Why do I feel so unloved and so unnecessary? Like a fly swatted away? A nuisance and nothing more? Why do the two people I love most in the world fail to understand how much I need them and their encouragement and to know they have good memories they made with me?

The darkness is coming for me again. 

Posted in Uncategorized

Favortism

Ugh. Why does this always have to raise its ugly head? Especially in the work place? Clearly I am naive and believe my co-workers are honest and straight forward. However once again, I am proven wrong.

While the matter which upsets me is not important, it is a reminder I need to be aware not everyone is on a level playing field. Some are given special consideration because either they are related or the owner or manager has a sweet spot for them.

Office politics is not something I like and I do my best to stay out of them. It is still bothersome though and try as I might, I still get frustrated and my feelings get hurt.

I am almost finished with a book I am writing. My hope is that I can self-publish it and supplement my income, continue writing until I can support myself solely from writing.

 

Posted in choices, Goal, life

Well said

I think this young blogger has set some high but very obtainable goals. I haven’t set any goals for myself in several years. Disappointment always seemed to follow me around but God is slowly changing my life perspective. So, tomorrow I will take the time to make my own list of 2017 life goals. Follow the link to read:

2017 life

Posted in Uncategorized

All or Nothing 


It hasn’t been an easy Christmas. So much has changed and my heart longs for an unbroken family. I know it’s wrong to ask my children to have nothing to do with their dad but he doesn’t deserve them. He doesn’t deserve a relationship with them. He has hurt all of us so many times. I want them to tell him, you come back and love all of us or stay away have nothing to do with us.

Allot nothing!

Posted in christmas

Merry Christmas

Posted in Jesus

No longer Hidden

I received some exciting news a couple months ago. I am going to become a grandma for the first time. Needless to say, I cried tears of joy.

Before modern science, the miracle was secret. Babies were hidden in their mothers’ wombs. Now we have the incredible privilege of watching the miracle unfold. And I feel so blessed to be able to be part of this child’s life.

As we celebrate the coming of our savior in the form of a baby, it’s a reminder miracles still happen each and every day. I wish each and everyone a Merry Christmas.

**Please refrain from making pro-life vs pro-choice statements. I don’t want this to become a heated forum. I am only writing about my personal joy. 

Posted in Uncategorized

Blessings are Bigger in Texas


As we know, certain events cause us to stop and pause. Birthdays, graduations, births, deaths, and holidays remind us time passes whether we want it to or not. And I am no different. 

One tradition I loved was taking my girls to shop for the “angels” we selected at church. The past few years, I had buried myself in sadness and didn’t see the abundance of blessings in my life. The veil has been lifted and while my circumstances haven’t changed but my outlook has.

I picked an “angel” and had so much fun buying her the items on her list. While buying everything wasn’t required, I bought as much as I could afford, so on Christmas morning a little girl will find several presents under her tree. 

There is a strong possibility my youngest daughter won’t be able to travel to Texas for Christmas. It breaks my heart to think of her alone on Christmas Day but I’m praying we can get her here soon after the 25th. It will be the first Christmas in her life we have spent apart. But I know wherever she is, we love each other and will figure out a way to celebrate on another day.

My office made a trip today to the VA rehab and hospice center where we delivered stockings to the veterans. All were so appreciative. Such a simple act brought joy to so many.

Bring joy to those around you with a kind word, a helping hand, a handwritten letter, a phone call. You never know who needs a reminder they matter.

Merry Christmas

Posted in Faith, family, Uncategorized

What defines Family?

With Thanksgiving around the corner, I wanted to take a moment and ask you to think about how you define “family.” 

Is it just those legally related to you by blood and/or marriage? Or are you one of the generous and loving souls who has a broader definition of family? In the last four years I have sadly discovered the majority of people keep the definition of family very narrow.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family where my parents always opened their doors to anyone who might be left alone on a holiday. I did the same all the years I was married. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter I always checked to make certain everyone I knew had plans. Over the years we celebrated with a wide variety of people. My girls didn’t hesitate to invite friends to join us because they knew I’d always say yes.

How unfortunate that not a single one of my Texas friends checked even once in 2014 and 2015 and now 2016, with me to see that I won’t be alone. With one daughter married with in-laws and the other one on the West coast, I would have been alone this year until a last minute change in plans for my married daughter. The only one to invite me is the family I babysit for and I barely know them. What does that say about my friends who told me countless times we were family?

It is difficult in this electronic world to make friends. It’s even more difficult when you no longer have the natural outlets of children, school, neighbors, or work to make friends. Churches may preach friendliness but I’ve yet to find one that truly reaches out. 

Please take a moment this holiday season and ask everyone you know if they have plans. No one wants to announce she/he will be alone on a holiday, so don’t expect them to ask for an invitation or announce they are alone. Open your doors. If you need help with food expense, ask them to bring a dish. Open your hearts. I can guarantee your life will be made richer by reaching out and pulling people in.