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Speaking up or Fitting in?

I made a comment on another book review blog. Bookowly  The blogger had reviewed a graphic novel that she had difficulty deciding if it was written for older teens or younger kids. She didn’t like the book despite all sorts of positive reviews on other sites. I responded that reviews are so misleading. I believe too many people are afraid to speak up and say they don’t like a book or movie if most of the reviews are positive. I have read too many bad books and seen too many bad movies after reading a host of views singing their praises.

Why are we so afraid to speak up and go against the grain? We live in a society where individualism is preached yet when it comes time to be an individual, people shy away. We do it all the time in all the aspects of our lives. We think as individuals but tend too many times to act as a group. When was the last time you disagreed with a group of friends? Not a one on one basis, but in a group?

I remember being with a group of women in my age group and they were discussing Hooters. Not a single woman had anything positive to say about the young women that worked there. They were busy passing judgment and talked as they knew these young women’s life situations. Now Hooters  isn’t my choice of restaurants but I spoke up. I said that they were doing nothing illegal and didn’t we all trade on our looks from time to time in our lives? They berated me because the girls are so sexual. I can assure you that there was only one woman (devout Mormon) in our group who hadn’t at some time worn short shorts, tank tops and more sexual clothing when we were young. I stood my ground. I said they were judging young women who were doing the best they knew how to make a living. Maybe they were supporting a family, paying for school etc. We didn’t know. And if they didn’t like “breastraunts” then they should take action and create other opportunities for young women.

I created some enemies that evening. And it wasn’t too many years after that evening our group broke up. We had met the first Wednesday of the month for 13 years and it had taken me that long to realize I didn’t want to be in that mindset of women. So stop and think. Ask yourself if you always go along with the group, the majority opinion or do you really speak up for yourself.


I am always learning something new about life. My life is made richer by friends, family, travel, experiences, books and hobbies.

4 thoughts on “Speaking up or Fitting in?

  1. I really enjoyed your post – and good for you for standing up for your beliefs. When my daughters left home I realized I had built most of my friendships with their friends’ mothers, who I discovered I had little in common with. So I am making new friends with a group of writer and artist friends. So much happier. Thanks for sharing this peek into your life.


  2. That was an interesting post and raising an important point. An honest opinion can often be the best thing for all concerned, including the person who wrote the graphic novel or whatever. How is he or she supposed to improve without feedback?

    On the other hand, I can’t help thinking that it depends a lot on how the opinion is delivered. If I don’t think something is the greatest piece of writing I have ever seen, that doesn’t mean my only recourse is to say, “Well, that sure sucked!” I suppose what I’m getting at is blanket praise may stifle development but untactful criticism can be absolutely crushing.

    I’ve never been to Hooters, I’m afraid. I’m not sure my wife would approve and I doubt it’s the kind of place where I’d feel very comfortable. On the other hand, I wouldn’t give anybody a hard time about working there. It’s difficult to make a living these days, and people just do what they have to.

    Anyway, I enjoyed the post and thought I’d throw in my two cents. (Incidentally, I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I’ve never traded on my looks.) 😉


  3. Hmm. What a lovely and motivating post. For me i believe that we were meant to stand out and not to fit in. It’s a big sacrifice to be distinguished, and it’s a price worth paying for. You may be hated and despised but soon it will pay off. It’s time pour generation begins to speak up and stand for what is right and not joining the multitude of People to do same. Keep it up Dede. I expect more from you.

    Kindest regards:)


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