Month: March 2018

Posted in life

It’s Official

Posted on by Dede

It’s official. My daughter and her family will be moving to Pennsylvania. They’ve never lived anywhere but Texas. This was a job opportunity her husband couldn’t pass up.

The dilemma for me is I want to go with them. However I have to work, I am almost out of money from my divorce. I’ve applied for every type of job imaginable. And I’ve had fewer than 5 interviews and no job offers. So I am not hopeful it’ll be any different in PA than it has been in TX.

I’d consider moving to be near by other daughter but she’s in LA and doesn’t plan on staying there. She’s job searching right now.

The move is 15 months away. It feels as one of my worst nightmares is coming true. I’ll be alone, no friends, no family, struggling to get by.

I don’t want to live with them. Not a good idea for us. I’m doing my best to pray and trust God. Never in a million years did I think I’d find myself in this position. Please pray for me and a solution to my dilemma.

Posted in life, movie, values

Post Apocalyptic Clothing

Posted on by Dede

The newest trend in clothing is called the post apocalyptic look. Clothing has been basically destroyed to give the impression you’ve survived a horrific war or live in a dystopian society. Call me old fashioned but I think this idea is disrespectful to the millions of people around the world who live in poverty and to those who live daily with war or in the aftermath of war.

There are no options for these people. They live in tattered clothing because they truly are living the nightmare so many teens read about or watch on the movie screen and romanticize. I’m sure millions would love to have one clean new T-shirt, one clean new pair of jeans and a decent pair of shoes.

You don’t have to even travel to a foreign country to see the effects of poverty and war. Struggling Americans and war refugees are right here. Why the fashion industry has decided to make money using tragic situations such as poverty and war, is beyond me.

Take a stand. Don’t buy torn, frayed clothing or clothing with holes in it. Respect those who have no choices.

Posted in depression, divorce, life

Triggers

Posted on by Dede

When a person is in a battle with depression, most will find they have triggers. Post divorce, my depression was so serious, I spent weeks and months as a recluse. It has been a lot of hard work climbing out of that dark pit, but I see light now and don’t want to wander into the darkness again.

Working with a therapist was the best decision I made but it took going through several before I found the right one for me. He helped me learn to recognize my triggers. This has enabled me to be ready for what I used to think was depression from out of the blue.

For me:

Trigger #1: A change in seasons. It’s a reminder of the things my ex and I used to do at specific times of the year. Like now spring is coming and I’m feeling the tug to buy lots of flowers for the yard. Only trouble is I don’t really have any place to plant anything.

Trigger #2: Certain music. Typically if the words remind me my ex put no effort into saving our marriage, I’ll feel down for a day or two.

Whatever it takes by Lifehouse

Trigger #3: Certain scents. I’ve read that scent is the strongest evoker of memories. It never fails when I smell burning leaves I break down. Why? That is a scent I associate with the early days of my marriage.

Of course there are a few more triggers, but before I allow my emotions to take control of me, I have some quiet time and reflect. Asking myself questions to determine why I feel myself falling backwards.

It takes time. And I’ve learned growing old is a privilege not everyone gets. I don’t want to waste anymore days in the darkness.

Posted in life

Real Smiles

Posted on by Dede

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Somewhere I read the way to tell the difference between a real smile and a fake smile is that a real smile goes all the way to the eyes. And that’s how I made a major discovery. Getting my picture taken has never been something I liked doing. Why? Like so many people, the photos were always bad. I never liked the way I looked.

Once I read the smile has to go all the way to the eyes, I realized all the photos of myself that I love, I am really happy. Looking back at old pictures, when I was posing, worried about how I would look, the photos were never flattering.

With this little snippet of information, I always try to think of people I love, a happy memory or something planned for my future. It is no longer torture to have my photo taken.

Posted in life

Ready for a change

Posted on by Dede

I am starting a new blog. I am keeping LifeRewritten to write about my life struggles post divorce and to vent my emotions.

However, I will now be utilizing Refreshing-Life.com for the happier side of life. It will take about 2-3 days to go live. I invite you to check it out and follow me.

Posted in depression, life
Posted on by Dede

 

Why am I telling this story? It’s simple. There are so many simple ways to find joy. I know when you are down, it can seem to be a monumental task to even start the littlest project. I just hope you find some inspiration here so you aren’t stuck (Like I was) in a dark place.

I have so much fun spending time with a toddler. When I was a young mother, I didn’t have as much patience as I do now. And anyone who has spent time with a toddler knows patience is key to success.

When my girls were young, I always enjoyed doing fun projects with them. And when we had many rainy days recently, I knew I needed to come up with something to make waking up in the morning an exciting activity for a two-year old. I had no idea how successful this little project would be.

Taking lima beans, the kind you buy dried at the grocery store, and placing theIMG_6587.JPGm between wet paper towels, my little guy and I, placed them in ziploc bags and put them in a dark place. Within the next week or so, the beans sprouted roots. Our next step was to plant the seeds into tiny pots.

My guy’s job was to water them everyday. It was always the first thing he wanted to do. And when they spouted above the soil, there was so much excitement in the house. Now it is time to replant them into a large pot and have them climb a tomato cage.

And as the plants grow towards the son, you too can find the light in your life.

 

Posted in communication, divorce, Faith, life

Changing Direction

Posted on by Dede

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Say hello to my family. It isn’t exactly the family I imagined I’d have. My husband, the girls’ father isn’t in the picture anymore, literally and figuratively. For a long time after he left, I felt like a failure. It took a few years, lots of counseling, support from my daughters and son-in-law, and loads of prayer to finally understand I wasn’t a failure.

I did spend lots of time being mad at God. I couldn’t understand why He didn’t answer my prayer to save my marriage. Slowly but surely God guided me to an understanding that sometimes He doesn’t say Yes, but He says I have something better planned for you.

I am no longer on the journey to a 50th wedding anniversary and it still disappoints me, but I’ve experienced so much joy in the last few years, I am beginning to grasp God’s plan. I don’t have the power to see into the future so I don’t actually know which direction God will be taking me next. I’ve moved 6 times since 2012 and have gone from living in 4200 sq. ft house with a pool and home theater to a 1000 sq. ft duplex. I live in a town I didn’t even know existed until a few years ago. I live here because I wanted to be close to my daughter and son-in-law.

In less than 18 months, they will be moving across the country to the Northeast. My other daughter lives in CA. Again, having my girls living so far apart wasn’t part of my plan. I still pray God can work it out so we can all live near one another.  I will continue to work daily on trusting him,

My life is going in a new direction and I am waiting to see where that leads me.

Posted in life

What’s in a Name

Posted on by Dede

Have you ever wondered if your personality would be different if you’d been given another name? I wonder about that because there is such a disparity between my name and my sister’s name. Ok, I’ll admit it’s strictly my own opinion. But how many people dislike their name?

Full disclosure. I am name after my maternal grandmother, whom I loved. I just never loved her name. The story goes my mother wanted to name me after a beautiful dancer but her mother made her feel so guilty concerning naming me, she relented and named me after her mother. I became legally Daphna Delores. Every time I type my legal name it’s highlighted as a misspelled word. No one can pronounce it. The closest anyone ever gets is Daphne.

My sister came along two years later and was named after the beautiful dancer, Cyd Charisse. She left the hospital as Charisse Anne. She grew into a successful and beautiful woman with natural blonde hair. She was always popular with a sunny disposition. Every time we moved, it would take me a full year to make friends. My sister, on the other hand, would have all sorts of friends and even a boyfriend!

I’ve always been overly serious but a name like Daphna isn’t for someone fun and carefree. Now at 18 months I received the nickname Dede and for most of my life I’ve been known as Dede, but that’s not my real name. My real name is on all the official documents of my life. So each and every time I move, change jobs, got married, got divorced etc Daphna Delores shows up.

What I’d like to know is if I had been named Charisse or Charlotte or Samantha etc would I have a less serious personality? Would I be more light-hearted? Would I have been popular? I’ve also been curious if someone didn’t know my name, just by looking at me, what would their guess be?