Source: Things Narcissists Do
Recently I read about the misconnect that happens when middle-aged adults enter into the online dating scene. I can’t remember where I read it but it was completely accurate.
The premise is that for most of us the last time we were dating, we were significantly younger probably in our 20s. I know it is true for me. There was no computer dating options. Now when we sign up and go online our head says I’m young. Our heart says I feel young. The same is true for men and women.
So we look at the photos and groan. These are old men. These are old women. This could be my dad or granddad. This could be my mom or my grandmother. I can’t possibly be in this age group, let me double check. Ugh it’s true. These old people are my contemporaries. It bites. It’s frustrating because society (yes it’s true whether you like it or not) give men much more leeway when choosing a partner. Men can easily marry someone much younger with little to no comment and they can marry down educationally and economically with no one saying a thing. My ex is a perfect example. He has partnered down in age, economics and education. He can because he is a man and he makes a lot of money. As I’ve always told my girls you never see a young woman with an old poor man. Money talks. Especially when it comes to dating and remarrying later in life. I suppose if I made a lot of money I would have a slightly broader choice but society still keeps women in a narrower role.
If I were to marry a younger man who had no children, people would feel bad for him because he was giving up his chance for children of his own. If I married someone with less education and less money, I would hear she must be desperate. I know times change but change is slow and I don’t believe this will change until women can have children into their 50s and 60s. An old man can marry a woman of child bearing age and still give her a family. The reverse is not true. And please do not lecture me on invitro, egg donation, adoption etc. This is an orange to orange comparison not an apple to orange one.
So I wasted $75 to join an online dating site where I now have my profile hidden. And I expect it to stay hidden until I can connect my young mind and heart to the reality of my age.
Thanks to Practical by default for nominating me.
LIEBSTER AWARD RULES:
Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
Display the Liebster Award on your blog
Share 11 random facts about yourself.
Answer the 11 questions you were asked.
Nominate 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers for the Award and have them answer 11 questions.
Let the other bloggers know you’ve nominated them.
Copy the rules into your post.
Random facts about me:
1. I went to 9 schools between 4th and 9th grade in four states.
2. I was on a game show.
3. I was a beauty pageant winner
4. I was on the CBS evening news giving my opinion about taxes.
5. I’ve had 3 dogs and 3 cats but only have one cat right now
6. I traveled to Europe alone for my 40th birthday
7. I’m a book hoarder
8. I was married 30 years and now divorced 3 years.
9. Secretly dream of winning the lottery but always forget to buy a ticket.
10. Despite living in the south for 30 years I still say you guys and not ya’ll.
Answers to the 11 questions asked about me.
What language would you love to learn? French. I’ve been taking lessons off and on for years.
Would you prefer to read, watch or be told how to do something? Probably read.
What’s your favorite hobby?Reading
What’s your dream job? Writer of course
Dog or cat? Both
The name of the teacher that influenced you the most? Mr. Giberteau he gave me my love of French.
Book or Movie? Book
Why did you start blogging? To practice writing
Cook or bake or eat? Bake
What are you is your best “I did it!” moment? Probably spending a week alone in France for my 40th birthday
Blogging what do you love/hate doing I love writing. I hate not knowing how to get more followers.
11 questions for you to answer
1. If you couldn’t have the life you have right now, what would your life look like?
2. What is your dream vacation?
3. What subject would you study if you knew you weren’t going to be graded?
4. Favorite Guilty pleasure TV show?
5. Favorite book?
6. What is one thing you’d like to learn how to do?
7. Have you researched your family geneology and if you have what did you find?
8. How many best friends do you have?
9. Do you go to the movies and dinner alone?
10. Would you ever play matchmaker for a friend?
Blogs I’ve nominated
Mama’s Empty Nest
Memes Journal
Younfolded
The World from my Window
Author Julian Love
A Boomers Life after 50
Filled with pages
Belinda O
Out of the boat with Jesus
Old folks at the Homestead
I am a collector of books. Typically I read every book I buy but sometimes I buy a book that requires interaction. This summer I purchased the above Experience Passport from Chronicle Books. It gives 45 ways to broaden your horizon without going anywhere. Since my life circumstances have changed, it is unlikely I will be doing any extensive traveling again. I thought this looked like a way to have fun and push myself out of the cocoon I have created for myself.
Some of the suggestions are easier to accomplish than others but all will open up my life to new possibilities. You don’t have to do them in any particular order. I’ve done #2, #7 and #26. I will share some of the things I learn while using my experience passport. Care to travel with me?
#26 Favorite quotes from an award winning piece of fiction. I will share one quote from Still Life by Louise Penny.
“Life is change. If you aren’t growing and evolving, you’re standing still and the rest of the world is surging ahead.”
How does one accept God’s plans when the are so different from your own. It’s easy to say have faith when all is going well but when there are bumps and sometimes mountains in the road, it’s not so easy. I must be missing some large piece of the puzzle because praying, studying God’s word, worshiping has not helped me accept this new path.
I feel like a fake when it comes to faith because mine is so weak right now. I feel like doubting Thomas, I want to see proof. I need to know on this Christmas Eve that God has not forgotten me because it feels like he has.
Why would want to try that? You’ll only fail.
Yes that is the lesson I was taught. I’m sure my parents and grandmother thought they were protecting me from disappointment. If I struggled and failed then what would they say? Would they be able to comfort me?
I remember wanting to enter a pageant for a second time and asking for a new formal dress. I was promptly told no and when I asked why? It was simple. I wasn’t going to win anyway. However there was a hiccup in my parents’ plan. I did win. I won in the same dress I wore the year before. Obviously I didn’t need a new dress to win, but to have had words of encouragement, a sense that my parents believed in my ability to succeed and if I didn’t win, the success was in the effort and what I learned would have helped build my confidence.
There are lots of things I haven’t tried in my life for fear of failure. But I have been able to push through the fear from time to time and challenge myself with new things. I spent a year learning on my own how to dance so I could make the drill team squad. I worked for a year saving money to spend six weeks on a college tour of Europe. I auditioned for and went on a game show. {I won}. I went to France in my own at 40 for 10 days. But I still have a list of things I would love to try but fear of failure keeps be down.
So lesson #2 to unlearn is that when you try something you’ll only fail.
Success isn’t defined by winning. It’s defined by trying. There is no shame in trying some new or something difficult. It says courage, adventure and strength. These quotes are profound because they are so true.
Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt
I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time. Herbert Bayard Swope
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
Winston S. Churchill
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.
Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding
Good-bye
A deviation of God be with you
More comforting words
To hear as you walk away
Never to know if you’ll be together again.
Never enough time to say Farewell
Never prepared to say Farewell
Never want to say Farewell
But Farewell and God be with you it is
Wordpress poetry camouflage assignment
Love sings a song, melodic and sweet
Begins as a chant, in unison, in rythmn
Accelerando as life quickens and blooms
As the years go by settled into adagio
Unexpected atonal life, no specific tone or key
Chaos, madness life with castrato husband
Dissonance ensues, grave, drone, because life isn’t an operetta
Toneless life finds Forte, timbre and theme
Hearing an overture to a new life
Finding a key signature
Dynamics changing adagio again
Time for Modulation, legato
Develop a motif and resonance
Into a hymn of life
God is the conductor of the song
Of my song
I believe we are all aware that we learn lessons as we go through life. Some are obvious like; look both ways before crossing the street or foul language is not appropriate. But what about all of the lessons we learn unknowingly through our interactions with the people around us? For me lesson #1 to unlearn is:
Compliments people give you are never really genuine and can not be trusted to be true.
Growing up I don’t remember a time when I received a compliment that someone in my circle of family or friends didn’t find someway to discount what was said. If someone told me I was pretty and I shared that, I didn’t hear; I think so too or they are right or how lovely. I heard; well you could look like a monkey for all I know but I’d still love you. What does a child hear? The compliments can’t be trusted. I could give many examples but the point is I was taught to close myself off from any positive comments. I learned people don’t give genuine heartfelt comments and when I receive nice words, I should immediately disregard them.
How has this affected me? I have closed myself off from letting people love me. I’ve filtered out all the nice comments and have only let the criticism come through. No wonder I am so self criticial and struggle with believing in myself.
So for 2016, the first lesson I am going to teach myself is this;
Compliments given from people are genuine and can be trusted to be true.
You never know when you read someone’s blog how it will you. The past few years of my life have been the most difficult I’ve ever experienced. My desperation drove me to the brink of death. My therapist has been telling me God has led me to this loin and this place to heal, to heal my heart and build a new life. Below is a repost of my old Pastor’s Blog. His words are wise and so true.
Are You Ready for God to Change Your Plans? Luke 1:28–29 (ESV) And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. Are you ready for God to change your plans?
Finding the Good in Goodbye
Reviews of Films from the Golden Age of Hollywood
A lifestyle blog for Women In Midlife
A Sewing Blog for Everyone
read what you love
Writing New Chapters when Life takes a Detour
Enriching my life with books
The Art and Craft of Blogging
My life on an unexpected path 