Tag: Faith

Posted in life

Many times over

Posted on by Dede

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

I’ve been lucky enough to have many people who have done kind things for me, but two things stand out in my memory.

In 2006 my youngest daughter graduated from high school. We had a big party and family from both sides came to town for her. My former father-in-law was not a nice man. He was critical and could be cruel. He was at my home and refused to even acknowledge my presence. Not even a simple hello was uttered from his lips.

I had had enough and asked my husband (now ex) to speak to his father. I should have known better because my ex was drunk and it ended up being a fiasco. When my former father-in-law literally stepped over me to say goodbye to my family and ignored me, I had to leave.

I went straight to Anne’s house two doors down. The second the doors opened I broke down in tears. She hugged me and let me cry my eyes out. Two hours later no one had come to look for me. I wouldn’t have survived without her kindness.

My high school bestie and I were both born in 1959 at opposite ends of the year. 2019 was a big year because we turned 60. She asked me to accompany her to France to celebrate. Sadly I couldn’t afford to go but she surprised me and told me she was covering all expenses.

We were able to celebrate our very long friendship in the city of lights and I’ll never forget how special I felt that someone would do this for me.

Posted in life

Sojourner

Posted on by Dede

If you could go back and witness any historical event, which one would you pick?

If I could go back in history and witness one event, I would choose Sojourner Truth‘s speech where she says “Ain’t I a woman.”

She was a slave. She spoke Dutch and English. Her children were stolen from her. She was beaten. Isabella Baumfree given to her by her original owners.

She sued to get her son back. She walked all over preaching. Sojourner supported abolitionists. Of course she was hated by many and loved by many.

I’d want to ask her how she had such deep faith after such a horrendously difficult life, full of pain and sorrow.

https://www.notablebiographies.com/St-Tr/Truth-Sojourner.html#google_vignette

Posted in life

Serendipity

Posted on by Dede

How did you meet your significant other?

Many years ago I was a runner up in a Fort Worth Star Telegram contest about the serendipitous meeting of my spouse. He’s my ex-spouse now.

Summer of 1981, my dad rented a small single engine airplane and flew my mom and him back to Iowa. It was my dad’s 25th high school reunion. (For reference my 50th reunion is next year.)

They hired a young pilot to fly them to their final destination and paid for him to return home. My dad was the friendliest man alive. He invited this pilot out to Las Vegas (our home) and said he’d set him up with his daughter.

After the stop in Iowa they were headed for a meeting in Minneapolis/St.Paul. However my dad’s pilot license only allowed him to fly if he could see the ground. The day they left SE Iowa and flew north it because cloudy and they were forced to land in Waterloo, IA.

Six months later this pilot showed up and my dad paid for him to take me out. Yes pathetic but Daddy was very generous.

On New Year’s Day the pilot returned from California and asked me out again. This second meeting we really clicked. Three months later we were engaged and married by August.

I always thought about if it had been a sunny day we would have never met.

Our marriage lasted 30 years before he moved onto someone younger, but he gave me the greatest gift. I have two beautiful, loving, generous and Christ loving daughters and he is their dad.

Posted in life

Tattoo

Posted on by Dede

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be and why?

I already have one tattoo. It says La Vie est belle. It’s French for Life is beautiful. I’d get one that said, Savourez la vie and pray it is a correct translation of Savor life.

Posted in life

Major control

Posted on by Dede

How do you deal with uncertainty?

For most of my life I was a control freak. The more I controlled, the more anxiety I had but was convinced if I had control the anxiety would be relieved.

Ask my daughters and they will confirm I did my best to control everyone and everything around me. It’s genetic. My grandmother controlled my mother. My mother did her best to control me but wasn’t always successful.

I didn’t control my girls as much, but I definitely exercised control when I could.

Then one day I realized that control was a mirage. I never had had control. When my world came crashing down, it was a tough lesson.

Now I understand control is a mirage. The only constant is the Lord. And He is always full of surprises.

So mostly now I don’t even think about uncertainty. As long as I live, what happens in life will be uncertain. And I can trust it’ll all work out.

Posted in life

No idea

Posted on by Dede

How to make friends when you’re over 65

I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.

My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.

I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.

I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.

I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.

The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.

This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.

Is anyone else out there in my situation?

Posted in life

Wish for all

Posted on by Dede

What is your favorite quote?

“Blemishes on the beauty of a person one loves are like grace notes adding something to a piece of music.”

— Winston Graham

We live in a society that promotes and expects perfection in body and face, especially in women. Botox, plastic surgery, laser treatments, fillers, lip fillers, GLP-1, diets, exercise etc.

But is perfection something we should strive for? If we erase wrinkles, stretch marks, if we were all the same size, lips all overfilled so we look like ducks, faces pulled, frozen faces, mommy makeovers would that be better?

A grace note is a type of musical ornamentation that is usually printed smaller than regular notes and serves as a brief embellishment before a principal note.

And imperfections are the grace notes for us. God made us each unique and original. No one should look the same. We should embrace the fact we are different. We should embrace aging and not erase our life with treatments.

I struggle with aging and sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I tried Botox post divorce. I was 53 and didn’t want to look old but I need to remember Growing old is a privilege not everyone gets. Embrace our difference and embrace aging.

**Quote from the Poldark book series book 5 the Black Moon. Ross is speaking to his wife Demelza.

Posted in life

Happiness

Posted on by Dede

What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?

I heard once happiness is based on happenings, so it is always contingent on what is going on in your life. If you have difficult days then happiness suffers. And if you have a difficult year then happiness is fleeting.

However joy is based on deeper things, most importantly your relationship with Christ. Because while your circumstances may change, God never changes. You know you are not alone and will never be alone.

I’ll admit I have first hand knowledge of basing happiness on your circumstances. If you never have struggles or heartaches or sad days then keep basing happiness on the happenings in your life. But if you are like the rest of us and have difficult days, or weeks, or months, or years, it’s imperative you find your source of joy.

I let my divorce steal 4 years of my life that I can never get back. All I could see was how much my life has changed, focusing only on the negative aspects. Then one day my heart was introduced to a very little boy and everything began to change.

I realized I had never been alone. The Lord had a plan all along for me and for my greater joy. I had only been focusing on insignificant and transient things while He was focused on eternity.

Now I base my happiness on the never changing, always loving Lord, knowing He will always be with me in hard times and good times. It’s my job to trust and joy will come. And joy is deeper and more satisfying than unpredictable happiness.

Posted in life

So many

Posted on by Dede

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

I read between 50 and 75 books a year, more than most but less than many. The books that have had the greatest impact on me this year are:

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi. A must read for anyone who wants a tale of kindness, forgiveness and how both can change you and the recipient.

The List of My Desires by Grégorie Delacourt. What if your dreams could come true because you won the lottery? Would it make it better or worse? What are your real values? Will they change? Will your family change? Can they be trusted? Will you be happier?

Echo Mountain by Lauren Wolk. A tale of the depression and what happens when your life changes. A comfortable life to living on a mountain, struggling to get by. The people who relocated there speak of a witch and stay away from her. Do we judge people before we meet them? Can we let go of the past and embrace the unexpected future?

All these books made me reexamine my own life and the way I think and live.

With no shame I admit I am a reading addict.

Posted in life

Having it all

Posted on by Dede

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!

As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.

And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.

Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.

Posted in Blogging, choices, favorite, friends, help, life

Various

Posted on by Dede

List the people you admire and look to for advice…

I don’t look to one single person for advice. I only know one person in my circle whom I would go to for advice. And I would even hesitate to ask her.

The one person in my family I’d ask for advice is my daughter. (I’ll let them decide which one I’m referring to). she’s level headed and wise beyond her years. I hesitate to ask her for advice because she doesn’t like to give advice.

Of course I turn to Jesus and the Bible. That is most reliable source of advice. I can’t say I am always happy with what it is, but I’m always guaranteed things will eventually work out if I rely on what I read and the Lord I know.

Posted in choices, daily prompt, Experience, Fun, life

Solo Travel

Posted on by Dede

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

I won $500 in 1977 in a speech contest. I put in it the bank. I started my freshman year of university, lived at home and worked almost full time.

Advertised on campus was a six week tour of Europe for students. It cost $1800 which was a huge sum of money for me but I took a leap of faith, signed up and paid the deposit.

For the entire school year I saved every possible penny. I even would pick up pennies on the ground and save them. By May I paid for the trip in full.

This entire time, my friends were telling me it was a ripoff and fake. I had faith.

My parents drove me to Los Angeles and I met up with the group. I was scared and nervous. Except for a quick trip to Canada years earlier, I had never left the country.

I spent the next six weeks on a bus, a ship and ferry with other university students, staying in hostels and basic hotels as we traveled to 13 countries.

Outstanding memories: going through Checkpoint Charlie into East Berlin and being told not to lose our passports because the U.S. couldn’t help us and we’d be stuck.

Not being allowed into Yugoslavia until one of the male students cut off his beard to verify he was the same guy in his passport photo.

Going to our tour guide’s family home in Austria and having homemade strudel.

Some of the countries I visited no longer exist. It was a different time then. But this trip, instilled in me a love of traveling and being brave enough to go when I knew no one.

Posted in life

High School Lessons

Posted on by Dede

Describe something you learned in high school.

So many of the lessons I’ve learned came after high school. There is one lesson I remember well though I learned in high school.

As a junior I entered a pageant, Miss Teenage Nevada. I was named Miss Congeniality, made the top ten but didn’t win. I decided to enter again the next year and I asked my mom to buy me a new formal dress for the contest. Her response was, “ No, you’re not going to win anyway, so you don’t need a new dress.” I didn’t let that stop me. I entered again and I won. Yes, wearing the same dress as I did from the year before.

It doesn’t matter if other people don’t believe in you, you just need to believe in yourself. And go for it.

Posted in life

Confident or brave?

Posted on by Dede

Who is the most confident person you know?

In my former married life I knew a woman who had a lot confidence in herself. As far as she was concerned if there was a problem it was someone else’s fault. She wasn’t happy with her sex life and it was her husband’s fault. A daughter got caught smoking marijuana and it was not the daughter’s fault. The list could go on but she seriously believed and probably still believes she never makes a mistake, confident yes but not wise.

One of my daughters went to live in Europe for one year to work as an au pair. She discovered the mother of the children she had been looking after, had been searching my daughter’s computer. When my daughter discovered this, she said something to the woman, and it was agreed that my daughter would find another family to work for. I don’t remember exactly what happened with the woman but she decided to kick my daughter out before her start date with the new family. My daughter was put on the street with her things in suitcases and garbage bags. This was not an English speaking country. God had her in his hands and a friend of mine contacted a friend of hers who lived in the same city in Europe. This friend who had never met my daughter, went and picked her up and let her stay with her.

My daughter doesn’t necessarily think of herself as super confident person but she’s the bravest person I know. She didn’t come home. She went to work for another family and ended up having a fabulous experience.

So you may be confident, but not wise, and you may not feel confident but be brave.

Posted in life

Well Done

Posted on by Dede

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dede,

Well done. You have a good life. 100 years is a milestone but it is not necessarily the end. I know you and expect that you have plans for the future.

Your love of learning has always been one of your strongest characteristics. What are you learning now?

Your heart is full of love for your daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and your new great-grandchildren. You’ve left a legacy of God loving family members. They love you and love to learn as you do.

When the time comes to say goodbye to this world and see God face to face you can be comforted knowing He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

*photo of my great grandmother

Posted in life

Growing

Posted on by Dede

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

France

I’ve had so many things that have contributed to my growth. One that stands out is my 3 month stay in France. I needed time away after my divorce and chose to go to a language school.

I didn’t become fluent in French but I learned I can survive on my own. It also made me realize you can’t run away from your problems or emotions. They stay with you wherever you are and must deal with them.

It took awhile but I did just that. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My relationship with Jesus is deeper and I love waking up in the morning. I went from Despair to Joy.

Posted in life

Teenage self

Posted on by Dede

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

That’s an easy question for me. Don’t rush. Take your time. No need to rush into marriage. No need to rush to have kids.

Enjoy being single and independent. There is so much to experience in life. Don’t be afraid. Go live in France and learn the language.

And remember God loves me always.

Posted in life

Seasons of Life

Posted on by Dede

How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

Top l to r 5 yrs – 22 yrs bottom l to r 65yrs – 46 yrs

Significant events always make me stop and I either take joy in what my life has been or I lament over what my life hasn’t been.

I often think of the song from the musical Rent, Seasons of Love. 525,600 minutes each year. They are deposited in our bank of time and once it’s spent there are no more deposits until Jan 1 of the following year. Once a moment has happened it is gone forever.

Seasons of Love is exactly how I view my life. The love of great-grandparents who shared their garden and help make many wonderful memories. The pain of leaving friends behind when your family moves. The love of a first boyfriend, a most exciting time, which holds such sweet memories. Followed by marriage and the happiness that immediately follows but doesn’t necessarily last.

The season of motherly love for your children. It’s best expressed by this “ having children is like watching your heart walk around in the world.”

Then the shift from a hands-on mother to a behind the scene mother to adult children. They don’t need you often but you’re always there if they do need you.

Then the heartbreak of the love you thought would last forever when it didn’t. Learning to love your new life and succeeding.

A son-in-law and grandkids arrive and love grows exponentially.

Introduce bonus grandkids and now my heart nearly fits inside my chest.

So my life is broken down into Seasons of Love.

And as I age, taking joy in one day is so important. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday is gone and won’t return. Today is the most important time.

Posted in life

Past or Future

Posted on by Dede

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

20 years ago

If you had asked me this question 10 years ago I’d say I thought about the past more. I was still hurting from my divorce. Rehashing all the wrong done to me and looking inward to figure out where I’d gone wrong, occupied most of my time. Fortunately one day, I realized this was getting me nowhere.

So began the time I hyper focused on the future. Would I ever own a home again? Would I ever find a job? I’d been unemployed for 3 years post divorce and was running out of money. Would I ever be happy again? Would I forever be alone again? Many questions plagued my mind. Then one day I realized just like focusing on the past, focusing on the future was getting me nowhere.

So I let the past go and gave the future to God. I began to focus on today, the here and now. While I can’t completely control today, I can organize and plan my life for that 24 hours. Only thinking about the right now, let’s me enjoy the moments, solve any problems that arise and continue to only plan the things I can control like spending, housework, time at work, time with friends etc.

Letting the past go and giving God the future has been a great thing.

Posted in life

How did I end up at a Soccer field

Posted on by Dede
Soccer Saturday

As my girls were growing up we tried different sports. As it turned out they were more interested in music and the arts. So unlike my sister, I never spent my Saturdays at the soccer field. And I was always thankful I didn’t have to sit outside in the cold weather or the unbelievably hot weather we get in Texas.

I love my grandchildren however they live 1,640 miles away. Attending their sporting events or school events is not possible for me. It makes me sad but God has provided me with surrogate grandchildren, three to be exact. The two oldest A and O have begun to play soccer. So I find myself taking the boys to practice and staying until their parent(s) arrive.

The boys asked me to attend their games and I couldn’t turn them down. It touches my heart as I see their big grins when they realize I’ve arrived. Turns out I am a loud cheerleader!! Yelling run, get that ball, go fast etc as they play. With my camera in tow, I’ve begun taking photos and found it to be rewarding. Reminds me to use my camera more often.

So while I may have never been a “soccer mom”, I am now a full fledged “soccer Mimi”.