Tag: age

Posted in life

Many times over

Posted on by Dede

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

I’ve been lucky enough to have many people who have done kind things for me, but two things stand out in my memory.

In 2006 my youngest daughter graduated from high school. We had a big party and family from both sides came to town for her. My former father-in-law was not a nice man. He was critical and could be cruel. He was at my home and refused to even acknowledge my presence. Not even a simple hello was uttered from his lips.

I had had enough and asked my husband (now ex) to speak to his father. I should have known better because my ex was drunk and it ended up being a fiasco. When my former father-in-law literally stepped over me to say goodbye to my family and ignored me, I had to leave.

I went straight to Anne’s house two doors down. The second the doors opened I broke down in tears. She hugged me and let me cry my eyes out. Two hours later no one had come to look for me. I wouldn’t have survived without her kindness.

My high school bestie and I were both born in 1959 at opposite ends of the year. 2019 was a big year because we turned 60. She asked me to accompany her to France to celebrate. Sadly I couldn’t afford to go but she surprised me and told me she was covering all expenses.

We were able to celebrate our very long friendship in the city of lights and I’ll never forget how special I felt that someone would do this for me.

Posted in life

Message to Past Self

Posted on by Dede

If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

Do not rush through life trying to reach all the milestones. Savor being single, travel, move to France, wait to marry and have kids. Explore opportunities, write that book.

Just do not rush for fear those milestones will never happen.

Posted in life

Major control

Posted on by Dede

How do you deal with uncertainty?

For most of my life I was a control freak. The more I controlled, the more anxiety I had but was convinced if I had control the anxiety would be relieved.

Ask my daughters and they will confirm I did my best to control everyone and everything around me. It’s genetic. My grandmother controlled my mother. My mother did her best to control me but wasn’t always successful.

I didn’t control my girls as much, but I definitely exercised control when I could.

Then one day I realized that control was a mirage. I never had had control. When my world came crashing down, it was a tough lesson.

Now I understand control is a mirage. The only constant is the Lord. And He is always full of surprises.

So mostly now I don’t even think about uncertainty. As long as I live, what happens in life will be uncertain. And I can trust it’ll all work out.

Posted in life

No idea

Posted on by Dede

How to make friends when you’re over 65

I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.

My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.

I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.

I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.

I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.

The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.

This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.

Is anyone else out there in my situation?

Posted in Blogging, book, characters, daily prompt, Dreaming, Experience, Fun, Learning, life

So Many Different Me

Posted on by Dede

What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?

There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.

L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables, #1)

I have always identified with Anne Shirley. She isn’t like everyone else who accepts things as they are. She has many versions of herself. It’s not because she changes to fit in. I believe it’s because each new discovery changes her.

And that is what I believe my life has been like. I remember after I married, my mom would say things like, “I didn’t know you liked …..” It wasn’t a bad thing to say. It was only an observation about how I had changed.

I continue to change, even at 66. And to be honest some people find this troublesome. People like things to stay the same. It’s comfortable for them. But for me staying the same means being stagnant.

I am always making an effort to learn something new. I still work on learning a foreign language. I try new recipes, new places to eat, new experiences to have like making my own soda. The world is full of simple and spectacular lessons to learn.

Love of learning does that to a person. The more you experience and the more you learn, it’s impossible to stay the same.

Posted in life

Not just one

Posted on by Dede

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

More than one place would be my answer. I’d like to live near my daughters, one in PA and one in Southern CA. I’d also like to have a place in the Dordogne region of France. From there I could easily explore Europe and improve my language skills.

With retirement available to me at anytime beginning in August, I’ve begun to think about what will I do.

I only came to one conclusion. I don’t think even after 10 years in this town, I’ll feel its home. Home is where your heart is and clearly mine is in PA and CA.

Posted in life

Hate my name

Posted on by Dede

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
You mean Daphne right?
No it’s Daphna.

I do not like my name. I have never liked my name. My mother told me she was guilted into naming me Daphna. I was named after my grandmother. People always think I get my own name wrong.

I loved my grandmother but she was bitter and unhappy. The only time I saw her truly happy was when she was around my nephew. She had a son who tragically died before he was two and this new baby boy was special. Every time she was around him, her entire demeanor and facial expressions changed.

I was given the nickname Dede when I was around 18 months old and have been Dede ever since. But I have often wondered if I could choose my own name what would it be and would it make me a different person.

Studies have been done about the importance of a name and how it shapes you.

I think I’d want something that could have a nickname so I could be more than one person. Charlotte, Liliane, Esmé, so many possibilities.

I’ve always thought it would be fun to ask people who don’t know me what they think my name is. That would be interesting.

https://www.sciencefocus.com/wellbeing/surprising-way-your-name-shapes-life

Posted in choices, daily prompt, Experience, Fun, life

Solo Travel

Posted on by Dede

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

I won $500 in 1977 in a speech contest. I put in it the bank. I started my freshman year of university, lived at home and worked almost full time.

Advertised on campus was a six week tour of Europe for students. It cost $1800 which was a huge sum of money for me but I took a leap of faith, signed up and paid the deposit.

For the entire school year I saved every possible penny. I even would pick up pennies on the ground and save them. By May I paid for the trip in full.

This entire time, my friends were telling me it was a ripoff and fake. I had faith.

My parents drove me to Los Angeles and I met up with the group. I was scared and nervous. Except for a quick trip to Canada years earlier, I had never left the country.

I spent the next six weeks on a bus, a ship and ferry with other university students, staying in hostels and basic hotels as we traveled to 13 countries.

Outstanding memories: going through Checkpoint Charlie into East Berlin and being told not to lose our passports because the U.S. couldn’t help us and we’d be stuck.

Not being allowed into Yugoslavia until one of the male students cut off his beard to verify he was the same guy in his passport photo.

Going to our tour guide’s family home in Austria and having homemade strudel.

Some of the countries I visited no longer exist. It was a different time then. But this trip, instilled in me a love of traveling and being brave enough to go when I knew no one.

Posted in life

I am a woman of my time

Posted on by Dede

How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

I am a woman, one of the last reared with old fashioned ideas. Things like the man worked and the woman stayed home. The man managed his time and pursued his dreams. The woman gave up all of her time and gave up her dreams.

So no I don’t say no to things that interfere with my goals. In fact as sad as it is, I can’t remember ever having a goal beyond losing weight to please my ex-husband.

If anyone knows how to change the mindset of the 60s and 70s let me know.

Posted in life

Monsieur Guiberteau

Posted on by Dede

Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

I took French in Middle School. I chose French because I wanted to be different from my friends.

He was such a wonderful educator. He loved teaching and he hoped we would love his homeland France as much as he did.

He pushed us. He demanded a lot from us but I left those two years madly in love with the French language. And while I am not fluent, I still study it everyday.

Posted in life

Well Done

Posted on by Dede

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dede,

Well done. You have a good life. 100 years is a milestone but it is not necessarily the end. I know you and expect that you have plans for the future.

Your love of learning has always been one of your strongest characteristics. What are you learning now?

Your heart is full of love for your daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and your new great-grandchildren. You’ve left a legacy of God loving family members. They love you and love to learn as you do.

When the time comes to say goodbye to this world and see God face to face you can be comforted knowing He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

*photo of my great grandmother

Posted in life

Teenage self

Posted on by Dede

What advice would you give to your teenage self?

That’s an easy question for me. Don’t rush. Take your time. No need to rush into marriage. No need to rush to have kids.

Enjoy being single and independent. There is so much to experience in life. Don’t be afraid. Go live in France and learn the language.

And remember God loves me always.

Posted in life

Biography Title

Posted on by Dede

If there were a biography about you, what would the title be?

The Olin Mills Portrait I won on Hollywood Squares.

Life on an unexpected Path

This is the title of my blog and certainly would be the title of a biography. Why? Because while some people live relatively uneventful lives, not boring lives or not good lives, just lives that head in one direction, my life has not been like that.

Moving from the south to the north and going to 5 schools in 2.5 years, going through culture shock was not pleasant. Then a move to the west was another adjustment. We were not poor but we lived in a very wealthy school district. My friend’s dad used to rent a private plane to fly them to Aspen to ski. We lived in a suburb of Denver. They had a maid and a giant house. Again I went to 5 schools in 2.5 years.

The final move of my adolescence was to Las Vegas. Again culture shock, so different from Denver. Hot and dry, slot machines at the grocery store, obviously different style of clothes, not a pair of hiking boots in school and kids from all sorts of different places made this again a difficult adjustment. Every time I struggled to make friends, only to have to make new ones all over again. Now making friends is so difficult.

It wasn’t all bad. I was Miss Teenage Nevada and competed in the National Pageant. Bob Hope was the emcee and it was on national tv. I had a cancer scare at 20. I worked full time while I went to college full time. Hollywood Squares started filming at The Rivera Hotel and my mother said to me, “You think you’re so smart, prove it. Go audition.” That was the summer of 1980. I got the call in December asking me to be a contestant. At this time Hollywood Squares gave away prizes and not cash. I played 3 games and won all 3 games. My opponent was Rick Presley from Corpus Christi, Texas. I also won the large prize package since I won the most games. In 1980 it was valued at $12,000. Today it would be valued at $47,000. I still have one of the prizes I won. That great high was followed by a broken heart.

Met my ex on a blind date and had a letter writing long distance courtship. Married after only 12 days of actually being together, followed by another move to Iowa and then one to Texas.

I won’t go on. I know millions of people have had more difficult lives but when you are in the middle of change or a challenge it can seem overwhelming. Maybe someday I’ll actually write an autobiography about how to survive and thrive when life gives you many detours.

Life on an Unexpected Path.

Posted in life

Seasons of Life

Posted on by Dede

How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?

Top l to r 5 yrs – 22 yrs bottom l to r 65yrs – 46 yrs

Significant events always make me stop and I either take joy in what my life has been or I lament over what my life hasn’t been.

I often think of the song from the musical Rent, Seasons of Love. 525,600 minutes each year. They are deposited in our bank of time and once it’s spent there are no more deposits until Jan 1 of the following year. Once a moment has happened it is gone forever.

Seasons of Love is exactly how I view my life. The love of great-grandparents who shared their garden and help make many wonderful memories. The pain of leaving friends behind when your family moves. The love of a first boyfriend, a most exciting time, which holds such sweet memories. Followed by marriage and the happiness that immediately follows but doesn’t necessarily last.

The season of motherly love for your children. It’s best expressed by this “ having children is like watching your heart walk around in the world.”

Then the shift from a hands-on mother to a behind the scene mother to adult children. They don’t need you often but you’re always there if they do need you.

Then the heartbreak of the love you thought would last forever when it didn’t. Learning to love your new life and succeeding.

A son-in-law and grandkids arrive and love grows exponentially.

Introduce bonus grandkids and now my heart nearly fits inside my chest.

So my life is broken down into Seasons of Love.

And as I age, taking joy in one day is so important. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday is gone and won’t return. Today is the most important time.

Posted in life

1964 1/2 Ford Mustang

Posted on by Dede

What is your all time favorite automobile?

1965 Mustang

This was my first car. My dad actually said it was a 1964 1/2 because it was one of the first 500 made. It was all original. The hub caps, interior with lap belts and a powerful air conditioning system were exactly as if it was new off the factory floor. My dad paid $250 for it.

This is the car which I drove when I turned 16. It was a fun and fast car. I loved it and it holds very fond memories for me.

What you must understand is that I turned 16 in 1975 so the car was just 10 years old. Too new to be a collector car and too old to be super cool like a TransAm or Camero. I had to give it up when my sister turned 16 two years later. At that time, I drove the big, gold Chevy station wagon and that definitely wasn’t cool.

There are many experiences I’d like to have again and driving this car is one of them.

Posted in life

Christ and a Teacher

Posted on by Dede

Who are the biggest influences in your life?

As you know from my last post, I don’t have really any great mentors or supporters in my life. But in 7th grade I decided to take French. Monsieur Giberteau was my teacher. He seemed ancient to me then but was probably in his 50s. (Oh to be 50 again).

He loved his language and culture. His enthusiasm and requirements meant you could not slack in his class. We had to memorize dialogues each week, know verbs for every person as in I, you, he/she, we, they in multiple tenses.

I loved every minute of his class and I learned with effort I would succeed. This in turn has created my life long love affair with the French language. Living in a state where English and Spanish are used equally, I rarely speak French. But I continue on because you never know I might need it someday.

And of course Christ is a huge influence in my life, the biggest one. I wouldn’t have survived my life if he wasn’t at the center of it. I spent some time angry at God and my girls said it’s okay, God is patient and will wait for you. I still seek him everyday.

Posted in life

Did I grow up?

Posted on by Dede

When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?

I’ve actually pondered this many times. Busy being a wife and mom, watching my friends doing the same, I marveled at how adult they seemed. There were a couple of women that stood out. S was always an adult. She lived her life by a well thought out logic. I remember she told me as a university student she loved a man but knew he would be an illogical choice for a husband. Instead she married the stable man who has lived his life with a logical mindset.

I had another friend D, who was old the first time I met her. Not old by age, but old by mindset. I am five years younger and she would always tell me, “just wait until you’re 40 then 50 then 60 etc” and then list a whole host of ailments, assuring me I too would suffer. Not a single one came true except for the food getting stuck in my teeth more frequently! 🤣🤣🤣

Recently I saw a children’s movie which emphasized the importance of never forgetting to play. Fortunately for me I am a care provider for 10 and 8 year old boys and a 4 year old girl. They remind me each day with their enthusiasm and laughter to remember to play. We’ve played pirates, had mountain climbing contests, pretending to dine at a restaurant, and even being moms and dads caring for babies. I am also reminded when tears come, it’s time to be the grownup. During disagreements, back talk, sibling arguments I can’t scream or yell. When I broke my ankle, I couldn’t panic. Remaining calm kept the kids from falling apart. Calling 911, their parents, even being treated by the EMTs, I couldn’t lose control.

So while I may not feel grownup, somewhere along the way, I did grow up.

Posted in life

Never too late!

Posted on by Dede

In middle school we had to choose a language to study. My friends chose German and Spanish. Wanting to be different, I chose French. My learning has been disjointed over the years due to moves, marriage, children, life in general but I’ve never given up. Although I’ve never surpassed advance beginner, I’m still at it.

So as a gift to myself I have begun private French lessons via the internet. I found Speak like a Parisian on Instagram. The instructor is a native speaker and is around my age. I knew I didn’t want a young teacher. Why? Learning a language is difficult and the older you get the harder it becomes. I wanted someone who might have shared similar experiences and was at similar life stage. It makes conversation flow easier.

So if there is something you’ve always wanted to do, it’s never too late to begin. I remember Dear Abby responding to this question:

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but I’m 35 and it’ll take 10 years. What should I do? Her response was How old will you be in 10 years if you don’t become a doctor?

Posted in life

Blue Haired Ladies

Posted on by Dede

Depending on how old you are, you might remember the ladies with blue hair. Typically they were older, had gray or silver hair and they used a hair rinse which was intended to enhance their hair color.

But it always seemed to turn their hair a light shade of blue. Sometimes the light had to be just right to see the blue, but it was there.

Now that I’ve decided to go to my natural color (silver, gray and white), I wanted to get a jump on the blue hair. I’ve had gray hair since my twenties, white hair beginning in my forties. Now in my late fifties, I’m gonna give the natural look a try.

So power to the blue haired ladies. I’m coming to join you.

Posted in life

Not Me

Posted on by Dede

I, like many of you, never believed people when they said your life will go by quickly. No, I had years ahead of me. I wouldn’t grow old for eons.

Of course if you’re over 50, you now realize those people were right. I went to bed 24, newly married with a lifetime of hopes and dreams. I wake up now, I’m 58, divorced and forgotten how to dream.