Excuse me but I need to vent. I have been seeking a job for the past 3 years. It is necessary that I support myself since my ex-husband left me after 30 years of marriage for a younger woman. There is no spousal support or alimony in Texas. I am almost out of money. And if you think I am trying for jobs out of my reach, I am not. I can’t even get Target to interview me.
There is definitely age discrimination. I realize I haven’t been in the active workforce for years but I have lots of skills. I went back to school to update my computer skills. I have a college degree. I am personable and friendly. I don’t know what to do. I just read a really bad eBook, so maybe I should give that a go. No one can discriminate against my age or experience then. Sorry for venting. I am just afraid.
“There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.”
― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
The quote on my homepage is a L.M. Montgomery quote from Anne of Green Gables. I always identified so much with Anne. While I was not an orphan, I never did feel that I quite fit in anywhere. My own mother has told me all of my life that I was difficult when I was young, she didn’t know what to do. So she had to take me to see a psychologist. Now I don’t know what could possibly make a 5-year-old so difficult, her mother would feel the need to take her to a psychologist and the need to remind her over and over again.
Anne always had trouble holding her tongue. She would speak without thinking and it would get her in trouble. She also had a way with words and many times could talk herself out of a situation. She loved to write. She loved Octobers. She loved reading and loved learning. Sometimes I think if I had red hair, I would change my name to Anne (with an e) Shirley.
I think most of us aren’t monotone and one dimensional people. We are multi-colored and three-dimensional. There are facets to our personalities that shine under different circumstances. And sometimes those facets need a lot of polishing before they truly shine.
The blogging assignment today was to add a widget, change your header etc. In some way we were to personalize our blog. I changed my header. It doesn’t show as much as I’d like but I could not get it sized right, so I posted it above. It is a photo I took several years ago in Paris. It is still one of my favorite pictures. I still find it difficult to believe that I had to beg my ex-husband to meet his French aunt and American uncle in the south of France. It took me several years to convince him to go. Now he flies the 777 internationally and goes to Paris all the time. I will admit it is a thorn in my side. He always wanted to go only to beaches or lakes. I was the one that wanted to explore the world. Now he is the world explorer and I am left to struggle to make ends meet.
I have promised myself I will not make this blog just a b*tich fest. I did suffer from narcissistic abuse (30 years) and it has very long-lasting effects. Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome If you are depressed, unhappy, have low self-esteem etc and can’t really figure out why, I suggest you follow the link and read. I’ve been through countless counselors seeking help. Now that I know what the problem is, I am hoping this new counselor will actually help me get better.
From this point forward I will share happier thoughts and ideas on how I try to actively explore the world around me even if it’s just a few miles away.