Posted in New life

A Perfect Example of Where

Here is a perfect example of a time when I feel the need to write but I am not near my computer. I’m having breakfast at Chick-Fil-A. For those of you unfamiliar with this fast food restaurant let’s say a day doesn’t go by that there isn’t a double loop of cars waiting for the drive thru and inside you can scarcely move for people.

But back to writing, I’m using my phone. Why do I feel the need to write this morning? Because I am being forced to accept a life change that I never wanted. Even after almost 3 years, I go to sleep thinking it is a bad dream and when I wake up it’ll be over. But every morning I wake up to find that I am still alone and struggling to find meaning and purpose in my life.

I have a job interview today for a job I do not want. Why am I going? Because in the 3 years I’ve been searching it is only the 3rd company that has offered me an interview. It’s a retail job so the pay and hours suck. I will be on my feet everyday and honestly don’t know if physically I can do that. Then I shake myself back into reality and tell myself to suck it up. I know I’m blessed in many ways and give thanks daily. However when you fight serious, deep hole depression to compare how good I have it to others only lays on the guilt and makes the depression worse.

And in the core of my being, I know God has a plan but like Job I wonder how long He will keep me in this struggle. When will He think I’ve learned what He wants me to know? I hope it’s soon because I feel myself losing ground inch by inch everyday.

Posted in Uncategorized

Where do I write

I write mostly on my laptop in my living area. I live alone, so no one bothers me unless you include my cat, Finn. I also keep various journals for different things. I use one for doodling even if I can’t draw well. If I am out and something hits and I realize I want to write, I use my iPhone. I’d love to be a writer but right now I lack the discipline of a real writer. Why I think writing is a waste of time, but watching TV is not, I have no idea. Maybe doing this daily WordPress writing exercise, will help me develop the discipline I need. The assignment also said we were to include a poll, so I hope I did it correctly.