Here is a perfect example of a time when I feel the need to write but I am not near my computer. I’m having breakfast at Chick-Fil-A. For those of you unfamiliar with this fast food restaurant let’s say a day doesn’t go by that there isn’t a double loop of cars waiting for the drive thru and inside you can scarcely move for people.
But back to writing, I’m using my phone. Why do I feel the need to write this morning? Because I am being forced to accept a life change that I never wanted. Even after almost 3 years, I go to sleep thinking it is a bad dream and when I wake up it’ll be over. But every morning I wake up to find that I am still alone and struggling to find meaning and purpose in my life.
I have a job interview today for a job I do not want. Why am I going? Because in the 3 years I’ve been searching it is only the 3rd company that has offered me an interview. It’s a retail job so the pay and hours suck. I will be on my feet everyday and honestly don’t know if physically I can do that. Then I shake myself back into reality and tell myself to suck it up. I know I’m blessed in many ways and give thanks daily. However when you fight serious, deep hole depression to compare how good I have it to others only lays on the guilt and makes the depression worse.
And in the core of my being, I know God has a plan but like Job I wonder how long He will keep me in this struggle. When will He think I’ve learned what He wants me to know? I hope it’s soon because I feel myself losing ground inch by inch everyday.
2 thoughts on “A Perfect Example of Where”
Prayers for you and a successful job search
Good luck on your interveiw. I understand it is hard to do the thing you least want just to survive and make ends meet. But sometimes it will help you venture into other options you didn’t know you liked or push you do to what you really want. Where do you really want to be?