For most of my life I was a control freak. The more I controlled, the more anxiety I had but was convinced if I had control the anxiety would be relieved.
Ask my daughters and they will confirm I did my best to control everyone and everything around me. It’s genetic. My grandmother controlled my mother. My mother did her best to control me but wasn’t always successful.
I didn’t control my girls as much, but I definitely exercised control when I could.
Then one day I realized that control was a mirage. I never had had control. When my world came crashing down, it was a tough lesson.
Now I understand control is a mirage. The only constant is the Lord. And He is always full of surprises.
So mostly now I don’t even think about uncertainty. As long as I live, what happens in life will be uncertain. And I can trust it’ll all work out.
I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.
My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.
I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.
I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.
I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.
The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.
This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.
What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?
There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.
I have always identified with Anne Shirley. She isn’t like everyone else who accepts things as they are. She has many versions of herself. It’s not because she changes to fit in. I believe it’s because each new discovery changes her.
And that is what I believe my life has been like. I remember after I married, my mom would say things like, “I didn’t know you liked …..” It wasn’t a bad thing to say. It was only an observation about how I had changed.
I continue to change, even at 66. And to be honest some people find this troublesome. People like things to stay the same. It’s comfortable for them. But for me staying the same means being stagnant.
I am always making an effort to learn something new. I still work on learning a foreign language. I try new recipes, new places to eat, new experiences to have like making my own soda. The world is full of simple and spectacular lessons to learn.
Love of learning does that to a person. The more you experience and the more you learn, it’s impossible to stay the same.
What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?
I heard once happiness is based on happenings, so it is always contingent on what is going on in your life. If you have difficult days then happiness suffers. And if you have a difficult year then happiness is fleeting.
However joy is based on deeper things, most importantly your relationship with Christ. Because while your circumstances may change, God never changes. You know you are not alone and will never be alone.
I’ll admit I have first hand knowledge of basing happiness on your circumstances. If you never have struggles or heartaches or sad days then keep basing happiness on the happenings in your life. But if you are like the rest of us and have difficult days, or weeks, or months, or years, it’s imperative you find your source of joy.
I let my divorce steal 4 years of my life that I can never get back. All I could see was how much my life has changed, focusing only on the negative aspects. Then one day my heart was introduced to a very little boy and everything began to change.
I realized I had never been alone. The Lord had a plan all along for me and for my greater joy. I had only been focusing on insignificant and transient things while He was focused on eternity.
Now I base my happiness on the never changing, always loving Lord, knowing He will always be with me in hard times and good times. It’s my job to trust and joy will come. And joy is deeper and more satisfying than unpredictable happiness.
If you had to change your name, what would your new name be? You mean Daphne right? No it’s Daphna.
I do not like my name. I have never liked my name. My mother told me she was guilted into naming me Daphna. I was named after my grandmother. People always think I get my own name wrong.
I loved my grandmother but she was bitter and unhappy. The only time I saw her truly happy was when she was around my nephew. She had a son who tragically died before he was two and this new baby boy was special. Every time she was around him, her entire demeanor and facial expressions changed.
I was given the nickname Dede when I was around 18 months old and have been Dede ever since. But I have often wondered if I could choose my own name what would it be and would it make me a different person.
Studies have been done about the importance of a name and how it shapes you.
I think I’d want something that could have a nickname so I could be more than one person. Charlotte, Liliane, Esmé, so many possibilities.
I’ve always thought it would be fun to ask people who don’t know me what they think my name is. That would be interesting.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!
As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.
And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.
Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.
List the people you admire and look to for advice…
I don’t look to one single person for advice. I only know one person in my circle whom I would go to for advice. And I would even hesitate to ask her.
The one person in my family I’d ask for advice is my daughter. (I’ll let them decide which one I’m referring to). she’s level headed and wise beyond her years. I hesitate to ask her for advice because she doesn’t like to give advice.
Of course I turn to Jesus and the Bible. That is most reliable source of advice. I can’t say I am always happy with what it is, but I’m always guaranteed things will eventually work out if I rely on what I read and the Lord I know.
I’ve been battling allergy induced asthma since December. Most will say pollen allergies are not around in the winter. That’s true unless you live near cedar trees. Cedar trees are the only trees that pollinate in the winter. Here in central Texas cedar is everywhere.
Sadly that means I haven’t been productive. Thankfully I’m finally getting a maintenance inhaler which should help a great deal because my list is long of things I want to do and things I need to do.
How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?
I work for doctors as their nanny. They had to continue to work during the pandemic. My schedule didn’t change. I show up at 7:15 and stay until 5:30. Preschool was cancelled so I had the boys all day. They are sweet most of the time and fun to be around. It kept what could have been a very lonely time from being so lonely. We didn’t wear masks together since they were so young. Their mom would come in and shower in the back room, changing her clothes as not to bring Covid in the house because she had patients who would come in despite knowing they had Covid putting her, the entire staff and all their families at risk. The dad contacted a mild case of Covid early on but had to quarantine for 3 weeks. None of us caught it.
I was unable to go and see my mother who was 83 at the time. I went over 2 years without seeing her. I did risk getting sick to go see my daughters, SIL and grandkids at Christmas. The thought of being alone over Christmas was too much to bear. I did wear a mask if I had to get out.
I stopped going grocery shopping which I didn’t do often anyway. When I was suffering from severe depression I had switched to pickup and I just did pickup all the time during covid.
While life changed dramatically for a lot of people, my life changed very little. I think I may have had covid the end of February 2020 but nothing had been said about it at that time. Since then I have never contracted covid.
The pandemic brought out the worst of people. They became ruder, pushier and greedy. People hoarded basic necessities because they would never dream of doing without or with less.
It has made me aware of how unprepared we are as a nation and how unprepared I am as an individual for another pandemic. The Trump administration handled it so poorly and lies were spread, so normally intelligent people were duped into believing falsehoods, just like they believe the lies about vaccines now. My friend’s young adult brother died because they refused the vaccination, believing the lies.
I pray there is not another pandemic in my lifetime, my children’s lifetime and my grandchildren’s lifetime but I know that is unlikely.
In my former married life I knew a woman who had a lot confidence in herself. As far as she was concerned if there was a problem it was someone else’s fault. She wasn’t happy with her sex life and it was her husband’s fault. A daughter got caught smoking marijuana and it was not the daughter’s fault. The list could go on but she seriously believed and probably still believes she never makes a mistake, confident yes but not wise.
One of my daughters went to live in Europe for one year to work as an au pair. She discovered the mother of the children she had been looking after, had been searching my daughter’s computer. When my daughter discovered this, she said something to the woman, and it was agreed that my daughter would find another family to work for. I don’t remember exactly what happened with the woman but she decided to kick my daughter out before her start date with the new family. My daughter was put on the street with her things in suitcases and garbage bags. This was not an English speaking country. God had her in his hands and a friend of mine contacted a friend of hers who lived in the same city in Europe. This friend who had never met my daughter, went and picked her up and let her stay with her.
My daughter doesn’t necessarily think of herself as super confident person but she’s the bravest person I know. She didn’t come home. She went to work for another family and ended up having a fabulous experience.
So you may be confident, but not wise, and you may not feel confident but be brave.
Well done. You have a good life. 100 years is a milestone but it is not necessarily the end. I know you and expect that you have plans for the future.
Your love of learning has always been one of your strongest characteristics. What are you learning now?
Your heart is full of love for your daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and your new great-grandchildren. You’ve left a legacy of God loving family members. They love you and love to learn as you do.
When the time comes to say goodbye to this world and see God face to face you can be comforted knowing He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to.
Friends for 50 years
It’s never easy to say goodbye. I had been friends with the woman in the photo for 50 years. We went to high school together. We were bridesmaids in each other’s wedding. Even though I moved away 43 years ago, I saw her every time I returned home. She also made efforts to come and see me, which I greatly appreciated. I thought we’d be friends until the grave but sometimes you must say goodbye.
She is a very thoughtful and generous person. However, never did she take responsibility for her own actions. Everything was always someone else’s fault. Her unhappy life was caused by other people and mostly because she valued money above all else.
The last straw came when I sent her a video about what I wanted for my life. A woman near 90 was talking about close relationships with people being the most important thing in life, not stuff. I had been talking to her for several years about purging and getting rid of my stuff.
She responded angrily listing the things I had recently spent money on (used furniture) and even things I had while married and no longer have. She was never happy for me. I decided then and there, I couldn’t be her friend anymore. I was tired of a pity party that had lasted 50 years.
And while it broke my heart, I felt a burden lift. For so long I had tried to be a good sounding board but didn’t realize until I walked away how much it had brought me down.
Saying goodbye to a 50 year friendship wasn’t easy but it was necessary.
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
I’m actually not sure. I’ve spent the last 9.5 years caring for a family’s children so I’ve spent a lot of time playing games, reading stories, going to the library and park. We’ve visited most child friendly sites within an hour of where we live. We cook and bake cupcakes, cookies and other yummy things. We do art projects and nature projects.
So in a way my entire day has been spent doing leisurely things. With the kids in school full time and one going half days, I’ve struggled to find leisurely things to do. Mostly I read or write letters. I love getting snail mail. There is nothing better than holding a letter in your hand and reading the words of a loved one.
As the younger one approaches full time school, I’ll need to figure out how to fill my days.
If I were to list what I could do differently it would be a never ending list because who lives a perfect life? Certainly not me.
My life, right now, is pretty good. I love my job. I make enough to support myself. I am making new friends and I’m getting more involved in church.
I had a major upheaval 13 years ago which followed many heartaches. It has taken me several years to find an even keel. Having experienced this life altering episode, change has been put on the back burner for me.
However with the advent of 2026, I’ve decided to step outside my comfort zone and begin by making small changes. There won’t be huge changes like moving to a different state or changing jobs, but small changes which will inspire me and encourage me to continue to grow.
The first change of 2026? The boys and I moved my living room furniture around. My living area is small and I thought there was only one option. Brainstorming, a new possibility was found. I love the new layout and while this is a small change, it does make my home feel refreshed.
So in 2026, there will be changes and some things will stay the same. Small refreshes for me.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
20 years ago
If you had asked me this question 10 years ago I’d say I thought about the past more. I was still hurting from my divorce. Rehashing all the wrong done to me and looking inward to figure out where I’d gone wrong, occupied most of my time. Fortunately one day, I realized this was getting me nowhere.
So began the time I hyper focused on the future. Would I ever own a home again? Would I ever find a job? I’d been unemployed for 3 years post divorce and was running out of money. Would I ever be happy again? Would I forever be alone again? Many questions plagued my mind. Then one day I realized just like focusing on the past, focusing on the future was getting me nowhere.
So I let the past go and gave the future to God. I began to focus on today, the here and now. While I can’t completely control today, I can organize and plan my life for that 24 hours. Only thinking about the right now, let’s me enjoy the moments, solve any problems that arise and continue to only plan the things I can control like spending, housework, time at work, time with friends etc.
Letting the past go and giving God the future has been a great thing.
I wish I could say I am a good judge of character but I am not. Throughout my life most, not all, of my friends have been mean to me. One copied my report in middle school and accused me of stealing her work. In high school my friends had the chance to vote for me to represent our drill team in a competition and voted for the other candidate. For a secret Santa, a friend whom I am still friends with, gave me a playboy centerfold. She wrote on it the boobs you always wanted.
As an adult I had what I thought was a close friend but she would routinely cancel plans so she could go with other friends. She was one of those women who could criticize you in the middle of a compliment. I learned mean girls grow into mean women. I played bunco, a silly dice game with the same women for 15 years. The organizer would say rude and mean things to me. I ignored them but they still hurt.
A long time friend criticized me the entire time we were on a trip together. Ignored me so she could take calls from an abusive boyfriend, made comments about my weight and the way I ate. She has no children and has repeatedly told me how to deal with my adult children. I would never dream of telling her how to run her business.
And of course the thorn at the top of my list is my ex-husband. He cheated on me for 30 years which included being wanted by the police for public masturbation and peeping on college girls, using prostitutes and watching r@PE pornography. Always making me feel like it was my fault he did these things and always promising to stop.
Before anyone says no one can make you feel inferior without your permission, that is not true. It depends on the conditioning you received growing up. Having an insult in the middle of a compliment, Ignoring your successes or making you feel bad when you do succeed, Not receiving praise for a big award but being told your own parent didn’t think you’d win. Being made to feel bad because I was smart and inquisitive. I walked into that marriage ripe for abuse.
So I am not a good judge of character. I still struggle and have basically withdrawn from any relationships because it’s too painful to deal with.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to build your blog readership? I am wanting to change directions with my blog and try to expand my followers. For all experienced bloggers, I’d appreciate any suggestions.
My life on an unexpected path 