Month: July 2016

Posted in Experience, life, love, Uncategorized

Bringing joy to many

Posted on by Dede


My daughter recently portrayed Mary Poppins (The Musical) at Vive les Arts in Killeen, TX. A long running community theater (40 yrs) it provides the opportunity for both artists and theater lovers to enjoy shows locally. The show was a huge success selling out for all six shows. They went through 4,000 playbill programs.

My daughter has dreamed of performing on Broadway since she was a very young girl. While she still pursues her dream, life currently has placed her in central Texas, so Broadway has to wait. I told her today performing on Broadway would be wonderful but the gift she gives to people who will probably never have the opportunity to see a show in New York can not be measured. In a world where we’ve been inundated by violence, to see people clapping in time, cheering, laughing and leaving the theater happy and singing is priceless. 

Mary Poppins and her spoonful of sugar, anything is possible if you let it, and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious attitude is exactly the dose of medicine we need right now. So hats off to all those involved in community theater (the actors, musicians, techies, ensemble members, director, costumes, volunteers) and their timeless commitment to opening our world to new and wonderful experiences.

Posted in Faith, God, Jesus, Uncategorized

Believers help needed

Posted on by Dede


This is a small country church set in the flat lands of central Texas. Even though it is small it carries on with worship and sharing the good news. For fellow believers I have a question because I need help.

I can’t seem to find hope for tomorrow. I believe in the hope and promise of heaven but right now while I am still on God’s green earth, I’ve lost my hope. My good friend called me recently because of a very upsetting conversation I had with my mother. Even she said if you could just have something go your way, catch a break, get good news, it would help so much. I very much feel like an amateur man’s version of Job. My life doesn’t even begin to compare to his, but my battle with depression creates a barrier to finding hope. My therapist says I shouldn’t need to hold onto the idea of something good happening in my life to be happy and content. Just being alive should be enough.

So fellow believers, how do I persevere? How do I dig my way out of hopelessness? How do I find where I belong when my entire life was ripped away and has forced me to move multiple times in just 3 years. I know my real home is in heaven but right now I need to know where God wants me planted. I’m alone. No local friends. Only been here a month but I’ve but I’ve visited two churches. My heart aches. I just want to go home but home no longer exists. It’s just me and no one else.

Posted in daughters, Experience, family, Uncategorized

Pity 

Posted on by Dede

I feel sad tonight because my daughter’s dad failed to remember her birthday. Her grandparents failed to remember her birthday. His side of the family have surgically removed both our daughters from their lives. I pity them because they are missing out on knowing two amazing young women.

Their values are money and stuff and superficial looks. Our values are faith, family and love. The first only make you feel good for a very short time while the latter give you a full and truly rich life. I would sooner have my heart ripped out than lose my relationship my my girls. Of course he has no heart to rip out so as the narcissist he is, he feels no pain.

Posted in divorce, Experience, Faith, God, life, Uncategorized

Where do I belong?

Posted on by Dede

I know I’ve asked this question before and it is redundant. I had thought I would spend my life in a suburb of DFW. I had been there for 30 years and never dreamed I’d live anywhere else. Then like so many middle aged women, my husband decided he needed a fresh start with a younger woman. So I am left with not just an emotional and financial struggle but the search for where I belong. Where is home? My children are grown and off pursuing their own lives.


There is no particular place I must live and as the little amount of money I have dwindles away, I continue to search for a way to support myself. I feel so displaced, like a fish out of water. Soon I may have little choice. It will be a very small room at my mother’s house or my car. I’d just like to find the one place which will feel like home, the place I belong.

Posted in Uncategorized

https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2016/07/10/when-you-have-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-you-will-always-be-admonished-silenced-punished-blamed-and-eventually-discarded/

Posted on by Dede
Posted in depression, divorce, Uncategorized

Click my heels 3 times

Posted on by Dede

I’m feeling like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. this has been an interesting place to be but I’m tired and want to go home. The difference between me and Dorothy is I can not go home. Home, as I knew it, no longer exists. I know home is where your heart is, but my heart has yet to fully recover.

I feel sometimes like this is a bad dream and tomorrow I will wake up and life will be back to normal. Of course I realize my normal wasn’t healthy. It was destructive. He was cruel and incapable of empathy and compassion. So why do I find sometimes I still long for the security of my marriage even though I wasn’t happy?

I’ve had to accept he is a narcissist and absolutely incapable of understanding how his selfish actions have hurt not just me but our daughters. I have to accept he will never change because he doesn’t have the ability to change. He will forever be a soulless man.

I continue to pray and ask that I know His will. It’s not easy to know. I pray God leads my girls down the paths He has chosen for them. I  pray I don’t fall apart again. I don’t think my girls are strong enough to handle it. All I can do is one minute, one hour, on day at a time.

Posted in Uncategorized

https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2016/06/16/you-cant-engage-in-reality-with-a-narcissist-because-they-lack-a-conscience-morals-empathy-and-emotions-so-do-not-expect-to-be-heard-yet-alone-find-common-ground-or-any-sort-of/

Posted on by Dede
Posted in Experience, Faith, family, God, summer, Uncategorized

Time to Celebrate 

Posted on by Dede


It’s time to celebrate. I am “unpacked” and settling in to my new place. I’ve managed to stay somewhat organized. My cat, Finn has adjusted and has taken his rightful place in the front window.

And it’s time to give thanks for this wonderful country I call home. America is not perfect and it will never be perfect but I love her anyway. Her beauty is in her imperfections. Her beauty is found in her diversity. Her beauty is made more beautiful by our shared belief in each person’s right to the pursuit of happiness. 

I’ve been fortunate to travel and have been places where there is little cultural or ethnic diversity. And while those places were beautiful and the people kind, our diversity adds such depth to who we are. I am proud to be an American.