Month: February 2016

Posted in television, Uncategorized, Writing

It comes to an end, Downton Abbey

Posted on by Dede

downtonabbey

       Above is a photo my daughter took when she visited Highclere Castle in England. We are all Downton Abbey fans and now we are just waiting for the final episode. Why are people so enthralled with the show? Why do we want to watch the ups and downs of a family across the sea? I can only answer these questions for myself.

    We live in a world where manners are almost non-existent. Rarely does anyone dress up anymore. You see a variety of shapes and sizes in tightfitting, torn, faded, old and inappropriate clothing on pretty much everyone. There was a time that people took pride in how they looked and I am not talking about a six pack abs or a surgically enhance breasts. Their clothing spoke to the world about who they were. Now you go to church on Sunday and wonder if the women went straight from the club to church. There are short, short skirts, tight dresses, 6 inch heels, heavy makeup and more surgically enhanced body parts than you could ever imagine.

     The people in Downton Abbey, both the family and the servants took their jobs and position seriously. Whether they wore the same black maid’s dress every day or changed multiple times like Lady Mary and Lady Edith, they took time to look their best.

   Manners ruled the day. Now I am not in favor of going back to the rigid rules of the early 20th century, I am in favor or restoring basic courtesy. No more cars cutting in front of me on the freeway. No more parking spaces stolen. No more awkward questions by nosy people about things that are none of their business.

    Communication was slow either by post or the newly installed telephone. Words carried weight and people didn’t send off a letter in haste. Writing out your words helps calm the strongest passion or hatred. Now with a simple click you can share your most outrageous thoughts in an instant. And once it’s in the cyber-world it is basically irretrievable. Words said in haste, a moment of anger or hurt can’t be retracted. I know from personal experience having blasted off a few not so nice texts and twitter posts.

   Watching people live their lives with standards for themselves and the way they interact with others is refreshing. Seeing the opulence of the upstairs life with all their problems and seeing that the downstairs staff while they have their problems still have joy and happiness with much less. In our money hungry society where a person’s worth is determined by his/her bank account rather than the size and quality of their heart, I could whisk myself away into another time, a world more refined and kinder.

   I shall miss spending my Sunday evenings with Lord and Lady Grantham, Mary, Edith, Sybil, Dowager Countess, Tom, Mr. Carson, Mrs. Hughes, Mrs. Patmore, Daisy, Thomas, Anna and John Bates, Moseley, Isobel Crawley and the many, many folks that came and went in the past six years. It was a respite from the harsh and ugly world of today

Posted in communication, depression, Faith, Uncategorized

Music changes my mood

Posted on by Dede

Did you know there is scientific evidence that music directly affects your mood? If you listen to sad songs you will most likely experience a downward mood swing. Music and Mood. There is evidence which shows Alzheimer’s patients who listen to music from their youth have marked improvement in mood and alertness. Music therapy for Alzheimer’s […]

https://anengaginglife.wordpress.com/2016/02/25/music-changes-my-mood/

Posted in Faith, fear, forgiveness, God, help, Jesus, love, Uncategorized

Gifts of the Crucified Shepherd – A Quiet Heart

Posted on by Dede

“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.”Psalm 23:2-3a  He first noticed that he was getting tired easily.  Then it seemed like he was worn out all day long. Then, as he tells the story, he started to be able to hear his heart beat.  That…

http://lwlutherland.blogspot.com/2016/02/gifts-of-crucified-shepherd-quiet-heart.html

Posted in book review, family, friendship, Uncategorized

Porch Lights by Dorthea Benton Frank

Posted on by Dede

 Dorothea Benton Frank makes me want to pack my bags and move to Charleston, SC or one of the islands just of the coast. Her story is woven with the timelessness of loss, love, mother-daughter issues, growing up, and sadly dealing with an untimely death.
I do take issue though to her portrayal of Annie Britt, the 58 year old mother and grandmother in the book. She seems totally disconnected with technology. Now I can’t write computer programs but I do use technology on a daily basis and her portrayal of Annie as technologically inept aged her tremendously. Now I do worry about aging just like Annie. I never want to ask anyone how old I look for fear they will say something older than my 56 years.
Her daughter, Jackie and son Charlie come for a visit after the death of her fireman husband in a tragic fire related accident. Having made a life for herself in Brooklyn and in thand Army as a nurse, she has seen the worst the world has to offer. Charlie is ten and as expected has withdrawn since his father’s death.
Add in to th the mix, a beach front home with a porch, separated grandparents, a wise best friend, two rambunctious dogs and an attractive widowed doctor and with time, love and a hurricane a lot of healing happens.
I think I will put on my to do list, a trip to Charleston and the outer islands. My soul feels it’s pull.
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February 19, 2016Leave a replyEdit

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty
img_0087.jpgSecrets, everyone has them. The question is what do we do with them and what do we do when we learn other people’s secret. This is a tale which I can relate. Cecilia has what she believes is a perfect life, a handsome husband, three wonderful daughters, a successful career and an active volunteer life. While that isn’t exactly a description of my life, it comes close. The there is Tess married with a son and extremely close to her cousin Felicity. Close as sisters they share all aspects of their lives. Rachel, a still grieving mom whose only daughter was murdered, now grieving the departure of her son, daughter-in-law and only grandson to New York City. This new grief catapults her into an obsessive belief the school PE teacher killed her daughter.
It all comes crashing down when each woman learns a secret. Each reacts differently but all causing more chaos in their
already damaged lives. Cecelia must decide if she should keep her husband’s secret. In making the choice to keep the ugly truth secret many lives are affected and changed forever. All three women’s lives are intertwined through St. Angela’s Catholic school. As each woman faces choices concerning a secret they struggle. What is the right thing to do versus the best thing for their families.
I understand how difficult it can be when you learn an ugly secret truth about your husband. Hindsight is 20/20. I can see how my choice to keep the ugly truth to myself, I caused damage to myself and my daughters. As difficult as it would have been to face it whe it happened, I would have been able to reach out for help. I could have avoided the deep sadness and depression during my marriage and post divorce. Secrets destroy a soul. That’s is what Cecilia learned. That is what Tess learned. It is what Rachel learned. It’s a lesson I took a long time to learn.
Liane Moriarty has an ease in her writing that captures what most of are honking. Whe. Cecilia thinks to herself, I can hear myself rambling and chattering but I can’t stop. I talk when I’m nervous, I thought that’s me”! When Tess wondered what she was lacking that caused her husband to look elsewhere, that was me. And when Rachel becomes obsessed with “justice” and “vengeance” that was me too. Life in Melbourne, Australia isn’t very different than life here in Texas.
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February 14, 2016Leave a replyEdit

The Fortune Hunter by Daisy Goodwin
I didn’t realize when I purchased this book it was based on a true story. Interestingly it had a decidedly modern problem. Empress Elizabeth of Austria was considered at the time, late 19th century, the most beautiful woman in the world. She had been empress since she was 16, had hair that hung below her knees and was a consummate horsewoman. However she also was under constant public scrutiny. Like royalty and stars of today, she was unable to move about freel. She always felt like she was on display.
Elizabeth, known to intimates as Sisi, spends hunting season in England. There she meets Bay Middleton through Earl of Spencer (yes Princess Diana’s great great grandfather). He was her pilot, a guide for the hunt. Charlotte Baird, a young heiress has fallen in love with Bay who has become a favorite of the Empress.
The story is a fictional account based on historical facts. Money, power, love, politics all come into play. Just like today private lives aren’t so private and the insecurity women feel over aging and beauty is as prevalent today as it was then. I enjoyed this book especially knowing it was based on facts.
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February 4, 2016Leave a replyEdit

There’s cake in my future

There’s cake in my future by Kim Gruenenfelder
cake-charm-pull
Melissa, Seema and Nicole are three friends who share their life joys and struggles with each other. Nicole is engaged, ready to marry the man of her dreams when his ex-wife decides Nicole and Jason they must care for their two young daughters making Nicole not just a newlywed but a full-time mom. Seema is secretly in love with her best friend, Scott, but can’t bring herself to make a move on him. Melissa just learned her boyfriend of six years has been cheating on her and ends the relationship. Different struggles but all centered around love.
While I am a generation older than the women in this book, I can relate to struggles concerning love. In fact there is a passage by Melissa that speaks directly to me. “I’m not only mourning the old relationship, I’m mourning the future I thought I was going to have. The future I’d been planning for. (for me personally-it was the future I was promised). Fighting for. Counting on. I counted on something, and I lost. I fought hard for something and I lost. I don’t understand why the universe is allowing Fred (Doug) to be rewarded for his betrayal. For his lies. Why should he be loved when I am alone? While he gets off scot-free, I suffer the heartbreak. He smokes-I get lung cancer.”
This obviously chick-lit but I often wonder how much men could learn about women if they read one chick-lit book a year. They are like windows into the minds of most women. While they aren’t 100% accurate and all women don’t think exactly like women do in chick-lit books, there are enough similarities, it seems to me if you want to understand your girlfriend or wife, read a chick-lit book.
I’ve read a Keep Calm and Carry a big Drink first and it is a sequel to this book. If you can read them in order do so. It was a fun read but it also invoked deep emotions for me because of what the character Melissa had to go through. Sadly I haven’t had the happy ending she found but then again I am 24 years older than she is.
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January 29, 2016Leave a replyEdit

Style Isn’t Easy by Olivia Goldsmith

hangers-569364_640
I read this book years ago and recently found it in a box. I decided it was time for a reread. Olivia Goldsmith is better known for First Wives Club. However this little book has proven its value over and over. And if I were smart, I would carry it around with me at all times or at least keep a list of the most important points. I would have saved a lot of money.
How many times have I stood in my closet, filled with clothing and thought to myself I have nothing to wear? More times than it is possible to count. Why is that? Why would a woman with a closet full of clothes have nothing to wear?
The clothes don’t fit well.

Buttons are missing.

Belts are missing.

Is it still in style?

Are the clothes appropriate to the occasion?

Are they too young for me?

Are they too old for me?

How do I accessorize what I have so I don’t look boring?

The list could go on and on. Olivia tackles the question of why the American woman is always agonizing over why she has nothing to wear. The answer is simple. We have too many choices. We don’t plan. We don’t care for our clothing appropriately because we leave things like missing buttons unfixed. We buy on whims. We buy on sale. We buy to make ourselves feel better. We buy for all the wrong reasons.
The biggest takeaways for me from the book are the following:
Try everything on. If it doesn’t fit give it away

Examine the remaining pieces and take care of any repairs needed

Separate items by color and piece (pants with pants)

Then either alone or with a friend put together outfits and hang your outfits in your closet. So you might have 5-7 days of outfits already put together and ready to go.

Once you have your outfits together, decide if something is needed like a scarf, a belt etc.

Determine if you are missing a staple piece i.e. a good white shirt

Write down what you specifically need, NOT WANT, and DO NOT BUY anything that is NOT on this list. A bargain that is worn only once is not truly a bargain.

Buy only clothing that fits well. Take it to a tailor if necessary.

One last comment. I read an article by a professor from the University of North Texas. It was eye opening concerning sizes. In the end if you don’t like what the tag says, but it fits well, buy it and cut out the tag. You can read her article here. Just a small spoiler – there can be as must as a 13 inch difference between two pairs of pants marked the same size. The deception of sizing

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January 28, 20161 ReplyEdit

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Gifts from the Crucified Shepherd – Contentment

Psalm 23:1“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”We were riding around in his pickup truck. Jimmy was giving us a tour of his ranch. As we drove along we heard one his cows just bellowing away. It turned out that one of her calves was trapped in the fence. The calf had one… […]

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Posted in choices, Faith, God, Jesus, love, mistakes, Uncategorized

Gifts from the Crucified Shepherd – Contentment

Posted on by Dede

Psalm 23:1“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”We were riding around in his pickup truck.  Jimmy was giving us a tour of his ranch.   As we drove along we heard one his cows just bellowing away.  It turned out that one of her calves was trapped in the fence.  The calf had one…

http://lwlutherland.blogspot.com/2016/02/gifts-from-crucified-shepherd.html

Posted in book review, books, family, Uncategorized

The Husband’s Secret by Liane Moriarty

Posted on by Dede

  

    Secrets, everyone has them. The question is what do we do with them and what do we do when we learn other people’s secret. This is a tale which I can relate. Cecilia has what she believes is a perfect life, a handsome husband, three wonderful daughters, a successful career and an active volunteer life. While that isn’t exactly a description of my life, it comes close. The there is Tess married with a son and extremely close to her cousin Felicity. Close as sisters they share all aspects of their lives. Rachel, a still grieving mom whose only daughter was murdered, now grieving the departure of her son, daughter-in-law and only grandson to New York City. This new grief catapults her into an obsessive belief the school PE teacher killed her daughter.

   It all comes crashing down when each woman learns a secret. Each reacts differently but all causing more chaos in their already damaged lives. Cecelia must decide if she should keep her husband’s secret. In making the choice to keep the ugly truth secret many lives are affected and changed forever. All three women’s lives are intertwined through St. Angela’s Catholic school. As each woman faces choices concerning a secret they struggle. What is the right thing to do versus the best thing for their families.

  I understand how difficult it can be when you learn an ugly secret truth about your husband. Hindsight is 20/20. I can see how my choice to keep the ugly truth to myself, I caused damage to myself and my daughters. As difficult as it would have been to face it whe it happened, I would have been able to reach out for help. I could have avoided the deep sadness and depression during my marriage and post divorce. Secrets destroy a soul. That’s is what Cecilia learned. That is what Tess learned. It is what Rachel learned. It’s a lesson I took a long time to learn. 

  Liane Moriarty has an ease in her writing that captures what most of are honking. Whe. Cecilia thinks to herself, I can hear myself rambling and chattering but I can’t stop. I talk when I’m nervous, I thought that’s me”! When Tess wondered what she was lacking that caused her husband to look elsewhere, that was me. And when Rachel becomes obsessed with “justice” and “vengeance” that was me too. Life in Melbourne, Australia isn’t very different than life here in Texas.

  

Posted in Goal, Uncategorized, WordPress

Bullet Journaling

Posted on by Dede

bulletjournaling

I was on Pinterest and Boho Berry ‘s post about bullet journals caught my eye. I have kept a journal off and on for years. I started when I was first married, inspired by my ex-mother-in-law who had kept journals since she was first married in 1953. Now my journals were more about what happened and how I felt. Her journals contained a lot of financial information along with weather and anything important that happened. I decided I wanted to do something similar.

I kept simple journals from about 1984 (the year my first daughter was born) to 2000 (the year after I learned my now ex-husband was a peeping-tom). I lost my desire to journal an record my life when I realized my life wasn’t exactly what I thought it was. A few years later I picked it up again but this time the journals were an outlet for my unhappiness and frustration. When I go back and read them now they are so depressing. I know I didn’t realize the extent of my unhappiness at the time.

Then of course I kept the general to-do journals but I didn’t keep those. I tossed them out at the end of the day, week, month or year. Had I kept some of those I would realize how much I was actually doing at the time.

When I saw the Pinterest post about bullet journals I was intrigued. I like being creative and I like journals and I like keeping track of what I need to accomplish. This type of journal seems to marry all three of my interests. I am going to give it a try. I can get an inexpensive journal at Half-Price Books, some inexpensive markers and I have pens. then it will be time to create, taking the ideas that work best for me. The link for Boho Berry will give you a lot of ideas of how to begin.

Posted in books, characters, costumes, Faith, love, Uncategorized

War and Peace and Life

Posted on by Dede

  
Okay I admit that I never attempted the gargantuan novel War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. The idea of reading about Napolean’s invasion of Russia and the lives of people affected never appealed to me. I am however a sucker for a big, beautiful costume drama. So I watched all six hours of Lifetime’s presentation of BBC’s production.

It was a complicated story with many characters. It required my full attention to follow the storyline. This is one time I wish I had been able to watch the last scene before I watched the entire story. Why? Because while War and Peace does tell the story of lives affected by living during times of War and Peace, I realized (maybe slower than others) that it’s a metaphor for what we experience internally in our own lives. 

We all have time that war is raging internally and we must pretend we are at peace. Or we all know at least one person who is able to experience internal peace regardless of what is happening in her/his life. Andrei and Pierre both are drawn towards Natasha because she is one of those people. And it isn’t until Andrei and Pierre have suffered life altering situations that they realize the importance of just finding joy and love in each day. Without those experiences they would never had understood the secret to a joyous life. The question is would they give up that knowledge to avoid the pain they experienced? I’ve had to ask myself that question. Is the peace and joy I experience now worth the pain of my divorce? It’s been a journey for me just like it has been for Andrei and Pierre but I agree with Pierre. What follows is a quote from the movie. Pierre is contemplating his life and was his experience as a prisoner of war worth the lessons he learned. He decides if being a prisoner of war was the only way to reach the peace and joy he experiences now, than he would do it all again. He would suffer in order reach this peace in his heart.

“When our lives are knocked off course we imagine everything in them is lost. It is only the start of something new and good. As long as there is life there is happiness. There a great deal, a great deal to come.”

Posted in friends, friendship, love, marriage, mistakes, Uncategorized, weight

Whatever happened to?

Posted on by Dede

I watched a story this morning about the enduring friendship of five men. They have been friends for 50 years and will have attended all 50 Super Bowl games. Without going into detail, at times they have had to help each other through difficult times in order to make it happen.

I wonder where friends like that exist? In our world of texting and no real face to face time will friendships like continue to be developed? There is so much communication that takes places in the tone and intonation of our voice and body language which can never be translated to characters in a text.

  
I often wonder how I misread the women I believed to be my friends. Fully expecting their emotional support during and after my divorce, it was as though they had never truly been my real friends. Even after 20 plus years they turned their backs on me. My real friends didn’t abandon me even during my most difficult time. Unfortunately none of them live by me, so when I’ve been in need of a warm hug, handholding and just the company of a friend they sadly aren’t available.

So I bought You can’t lie to me by Janine Driver, lie detection expert for the FBI, CIA and ATF. They must have given me clues that their friendship wasn’t what I believed it to be. And clearly my ex-husband was lying all the time about what he was doing and I either ignored the signs or didn’t recognize them. I will do everything in my power never to be duped again by anyone.