I blog because I am alone. The walls close in and I feel buried beneath the weight of lost hopes and dreams.
I blog because it gives me a voice even if no one ever reads my posts.
I blog to connect to an unseen world of souls.
I blog because I have always loved to write and one can only keep so many journals before they overtake space.
I blog because maybe someday, somewhere, some moment I will find the inspiration, dedication and focus I need to actually write a book.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Million-Dollar Question.”
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Right to Brag.”
This brag is nothing grand or spectacular. This woman didn’t save a life, win an award or do anything of particular note. However for someone that has allowed divorce and depression to lock her away in a dark place of fear and sadness where she might never find freedom, these choices say there is hope. What did she do?
She signed up for a sewing class and made a pillow. And she has two more classes where she will create a messenger bag. She found, was approved and accepted into an intensive outpatient program for people with depression/anxiety issues which meets three times a week for three hours and last but certainly not least, she agreed to a social evening out with her daughter and son-in-law. It wasn’t a quiet evening because that would have been simple but it was a fall festival with their church. It was held in the country at a member’s home. There were babies and children everywhere. There were trees, lots of land, great barbecue and a beautiful sunset.
For someone who has always been social and a doer, to be trapped in a world of depression, sadness and anxiety the past few years has been a living nightmare. So these small but significant steps are leading her to be an active member of the world again.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ready for Your Close-up.”
I’ve thought about this prompt for a while. It isn’t an easy challenge because I have to decide which part of my life I’d like to make into a movie. Should I choose the early years which I can’t remember and how would a screenwriter get it right? Do I choose my turbulent teens years? No, that would just be another movie about a girl (me) being the target of mean girls. That’s already been done. Do I choose all 30 years of my marriage? No, that would be too long. So in the end I would make a movie of the last ten years of my life. Those were the most challenging, heartbreaking and ultimately rewarding.
Casting is a challenge because the actors I would choose don’t necessarily meet the correct age requirements but since this is a fantasy movie, I figure I have leeway and can imagine the actors at the appropriate ages for the part.
A slightly older Keri Russell would be me. She has fabulous curly hair which she embraces. I have never been able to embrace my curly hair and would love to see me played by someone who does. She also has the ability to play a loving, creative and happy woman with a strong, resilient side.
Ron Howard would be my husband ex-husband. He would have to a play a character with a dual personality. He would be the nice guy next door with a dark and nasty secret that ultimately destroys his family.
A young Maggie Gyllenhaal would be my oldest daughter. She looks so much like my daughter many people have asked if she is actually Maggie G. Maggie is very talented, has a fabulous smile, is a great actress and has a happy adult life. All which describe my daughter.
A young Kirsten Dunst would be my younger daughter. My younger daughter looks a lot like Kirsten, has an infectious smile, a serious side and a streak of independence.
Toby McGuire would play my son-in-law. He has such incredible talent and so does my son-in-law. He can do anything he sets his mind to so an actor of great versatility would be needed. Toby has played a superhero to a drive jockey who suffered abuse. He would be able to capture the uniqueness of my son-in-law.
Stephen King would have to write the story because he has a way of weaving a tale of normalcy which is laced with intrigue and horror because that is exactly what the last ten years of my life have been. On the surface my life appeared happy and normal but there were secrets. These secrets were nasty, dirty and life altering. A nice, loving suburban family was the chosen hiding place for a psychopathic narcissist. And when the truth comes out, our world explodes and it is only through love that the three remaining survive.
It would need an incredible soundtrack because music evokes emotion and sets the tone. I think a soundtrack of music from the time period would be best interspersed with original music. My oldest daughter would sing the original signature song and my younger daughter would be the costume designer.
And ultimately it would be a blockbuster movie because the audience would see elements of their own lives in the characters and story.
In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Happy Place.”
My happy place is anywhere and anyplace I have a book and can read. Books allow me to go so many places, to time travel, to experience things I could never do in one lifetime. I can be a courtesan to a king, a young orphan girl, a miner’s daughter, an Australian wife, a single woman seeking love in Paris, a nurse, a cancer patient, a divorce survivor, a bride and so many, many more.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Express Yourself!.”
From the title of my response it’s probably clear I like to see and write. Not skills need work to be at a level I would like. I feel I sense of accomplishment when I make something and my emotions are released when I write which always feels good.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Young and the Rested.”
I have sat here pondering the daily prompt and I am ashamed to say I can’t remember the last time I felt rejuvenated. It is not for lack of trying. After a heartbreaking divorce, I spent three months in France at a language school. It is something I had wanted to do since college. (I am 55). And as much as I loved being there, it didn’t give me the new outlook for which I have been searching. I moved to a new city with a completely different vibe three months ago thinking new place would mean new energy. Again nothing. Maybe It’s just not in the cards for me to find a rejuvenated life.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mouth Drop.”
I wish I was responding with a grand story of college acceptance, a marriage proposal, a lottery win or something wonderful. My jaw dropping moment came when I received a phone call from a man identifying himself as Detective Stewart. He was searching for my husband (now ex-husband) but refused to tell me why. He simply stated your husband is not the man you think he is. Once Doug came home, I gave him the message and pressured for an answer to why this police detective called. When he finally confessed you could have knocked me over with a feather. Doug confessed to having spent the last 5 years being a peeping Tom. He had been spying on college girls at apartment pools and masturbating!! And now a girl had caught him, identified him and taken his truck tag number.Talk about a jaw dropping, tears falling moment. I can attest that a broken heart really does create physical pain. I hope and pray no one else responding to this prompt has to suffer the heartache and humiliation of this type of discovery.
In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Forever Young.”
I wouldn’t want to drink from the Fountain of Youth. I like that every stage of life offers new and different challenges. However if I could have a rewind button so I could make better and wiser choices then I would do it in a heartbeat. Billy Crystal talks about having a do over in his movie City Slickers. His friend is caught having an affair and Billy’s character tells him he’s got a do over. He said he could do over his life. Well that is a more likely possibility for a man. A man can get a new younger wife and have more children and be a better father and husband. How many times have you heard a man say he’s a better father this time around. Well women don’t get that option for a lifetime. We have a specific window of time, which is rather short that we can do that. If we have the misfortune to marry a man who replaces us during a mid-life crisis, we can’t do over those years. So while I wouldn’t like to be young forever, I would like to rewind to some specific points in my life and do them over, so the life I have now would be different.