How do you rebuild your life? How do you take those first scary steps towards an unknown destination? You would think age would grant you clarity and maybe it does for some people. For me, with no clear destination I had in my youth, the rebuilding process is proving to be slow and difficult.
One step is all I can take, one step at a time. I must remind myself God can see my entire journey and He is the builder. God has faith I can rebuild my life.
He reminds me just because a husband, a wife, a family appears happy doesn’t make it true. Many people live false and unhappy lives on the inside while proclaiming joy and happiness on the outside. And as Theodore Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I must accept I can change the past. I only have the ability to do something today. My life can be rebuilt. It may not look the same or feel the same but it will still be beautiful.
How do you tell your precious daughters you are so sorry you made such a bad choice in a husband and father? I know many people will think I wouldn’t have my girls without him but I believe they were meant to me mine regardless of who fathered them.
He provided the basic necessities of life but he never gave of himself. There are no memories of a dad offering advice, comforting a broken heart, guiding choices or times of caring. Life was all about him. Nothing has changed.
It’s why he walked away from his daughters and never looked back. He was never connected to them. There was no love for them. They were nothing more than adornments to be used and when they expected him to step up to the plate and be an honorable man and a good father by seeking help, he walked away.
So to my daughters, who I love more than life itself, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made such a bad choice. I’m sorry I stayed. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out of such a dysfunctional environment sooner. Please forgive me. I love you.