In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?
Hard work can be a variety of things. It doesn’t necessarily mean physical labor.
When I have a task physical or mental that must be accomplished, I write it down. Sometimes I even break it into steps so I feel I’ve accomplished something even if the task isn’t completed in one go.
Once it is done, I feel a sense of relief and pride. Relief that it is finished and pride in a job well done.
This is the third year I have participated in my library’s 50 books in 50 weeks in 50 categories challenge. The first two years it took me all 50 weeks to finish. This year I finished early. The library gives the categories and the reader is free to choose any book which fulfills the category.
I started this challenge because I had gotten in a rut and reading only a few genres. This has opened me up to so many good books I would have never considered reading. So step out of your comfort zone and pick up a new genre. If you haven’t read in a long time, don’t be overwhelmed. Find a title or cover that appeals to you and get started. You won’t regret it.
Here is the list of 50 books I read:
Stephen King: On Writing
Kent Haruf: Plainsong
Asphyxia: The Words in my Hands
Maxie McCoy: You’re not Lost
Katherine Arden: The Bear and The Nightingale
Rita Mae Brown: Claws for Alarm
Amanda Gorman: Call us What They Carry
Zane Grey: Desert Gold
Erik Larson: The Devil in the White City, murder, magic and madness
Camille DiMaio: The First Emma
Marina Elena Sandovici: Storms of Malhado
Jo Walton: Farthing
James Runcie: Sidney Chambers and the Shadow of Death
Stephen Crane: The Red badge of Courage
Taylor Jenkins Reid: Atmosphere
Lucy Foley: The Guest List
David Sedaris: Me talk Pretty One day
Banu Mishtaq: Heart lamp selected stories
Axie Oh: The Girl who fell beneath the Sea
Katherine Reay: Dear Mr. Knightley
Philip Deck: The Man in the High Castle
Walter Wangerin Jr: The Book of God
Claire Keegan: Small Things Like These
Shirley Wachtel: The Baker of Lost Memories
Kristina McMorris: Sold on a Monday
Madeline Miller: The Song of Achilles
Edmond Rostand: Cyrano de Bergerac
Vyvyan Evan’s: The Babel Apocalypse
Elly Griffiths: The Last Word
Ina Caro: Paris to the Past: Traveling through History by Train
Claire Swinarski: The Funeral Ladies of Ellerie County
Claire Leslie Hall: Broken Country
Carsten Henn: The Door to door Bookstore
Shonda Rhimes: Year of Yes
Beth O’Leary: The No Show
Neil Hayward: Lost Among the Birds: Accidentally Finding Myself in one Very Big Year
Wendy Corsi Staub: The Fourth Girl
Loretta Ellsworth: Stars over Clear Lake
Rachel Joyce: The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry
Shawntelle Madison: The Fallen Fruit
Diana Gabaldon: Go Tell the Bees that I am Gone
Jojo Moyes: We All Live Here
Kathleen Grissom: The Kitchen House
Hilary Leichter: Terrace Story
Lauren Roberts: Reckless
Julie Hatcher: Not Quite by the Book
Matthew Inman: How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you
Percival Everett: James
Louise Penny: The Hangman
Margaret Craven: I Heard the Owl call my Name
Reading will change your life.
What’s the trait you value most about yourself?
The trait I like best about myself is also the trait the hate most about myself. I am a talker. Moving around a lot as a kid, I learned quickly no one is looking for a new friend. Therefore I ended up talking my way to a friendship.
Now as an adult, I can speak to just about anyone and make them feel welcomed and included. I like this about myself.
I also hate that I am a talker because so many times I needed to be a listener. Many times talking is a screen for my fear of being excluded-left out.
While I’m busy making people feel included and welcomed, I’m not listening to what they say.
What brands do you associate with?
Interesting prompt. I can’t say I associate with any brand. I have a few favorites but I don’t necessarily buy them exclusively. I think there is too much emphasis on brands. Every Instagram account now seems to be trying to sell me something.
Women seem to think if they carry a Louis Vuitton bag people will think they have money. It’s crazy because fake bags are easy to come by and it takes more than a bag to appear monied.
So no I don’t associate with any brand.
I was so excited about summer. The kids and I had planned so many fun things to do. All fun was abruptly stopped when I slipped. I dislocated my ankle and broke it in three places. A 911 call, a visit to the ER trauma and surgery the next morning meant all those plans and time I expected to spend with the kids wasn’t going to happen. And to top it off two weeks prior to falling, I had adopted 2 very young kittens.
The first couple of weeks I slept a lot. It was probably my body working to heal. Following that, I had what I call the vast expanse of random thoughts. My mind wandered from plans, to worries, to memories back to plans and the cycle has continued all summer.
I feel very fortunate. I was convinced I was alone in this town but I was surprised. My California daughter came for the first week and she was a tremendous help. After she came my Pennsylvania daughter came with my grandkids. The grandkids kept 2 very energetic and playful kittens busy and my daughter helped around the house. My church help provide meals, a friend from church provided transportation and a couple of people from my book club, even pitched in. And a mother very busy with three young children, even found time to bring me dinner. I thought I was alone, but God proved me wrong. He showed me a vast community ready to support me.
I am now just one week away from being cast free. My to do lists are many and long. School begins two weeks after I return to work. I’ve promised myself and the kids and I will do as much as possible to make those last two weeks fun.
This forced stop has reminded me it’s important to embrace each day and make as many memories as possible, even when the days are simply being together because we never know when our life will take a detour.
This is the third year I have participated in my library’s 50 books in 50 weeks in 50 categories book club. I like going to the monthly meetings but it’s not necessary. You can still participate without attending.
The challenge initially seemed overwhelming. I decided to try it because I had been limiting myself to only a couple of genres. It was time to branch out and explore. Fortunately the library supplies the categories and if you need help they can even provide you a list of books.
I just finished The Song of Achilles. I think everyone must remember reading The Iliad and The Odyssey in high school. They were long epic tales of Greek heroes and myths. This is a modern retelling of part of The Iliad.
Written in a contemporary voice it is a moving tale of love, friendship, power, arrogance, and sacrifice.
Without the library challenge I doubt I would have read many of the books, I’ve read over the past 2+ years. And some of them have become favorites. So do not limit yourself to one genre whether it’s in books, movies, music and even people. Branch out and explore.
I ordered something from a department store. This is the state of the package upon arrival. It clearly has been torn open and hastily taped back together.
When I opened the package the handbag chain was broken. 3/4 of it was gone. The gold medallion on the bag had been torn off and placed back on.
Needless to say I wasn’t happy. I paid $10.95 for shipping. (An outrageous amount in my opinion). I drove 45 minutes to the store to return it.
Happily there was no problem with the return and they even credited me the shipping cost towards the new bag I ordered. Then they ordered the bag with no shipping cost added.
FedEx was the company which shipped the item. Belk was the department store. (A southern staple).
My question is why did FedEx continue to send a package clearly damaged during shipping. Why didn’t they return it to the store. It’s not like it was possible to miss the damage. I get many packages delivered mostly from USPS and UPS. It is a rare occasion if something arrives damaged. To be honest I don’t even remember receiving a damaged package from either of them.
Again I’m astounded at the utter lack of care by FedEx.
I always wanted more children. I have two daughters but God knew what was in my future.
When I became a nanny in the autumn of 2016 there was one boy, A, and he was 16 months old. It was love at first site. I knew God had brought me to this town to love and care for this child. The following autumn another boy, O joined the family in September. And in January 2021, a beautiful daughter came along.
I knew time raising my daughters had gone quickly, but for some unknown reason I had the idea time would move more slowly now. I was in for a rude awakening. Time had sped up, not slowed down.
My bonus grandchildren are now almost 10, 7.5 and 4. I swear they were just babies. I had several years before I was to be 65, lots of time ahead of me. Time does not cooperate and slow down during the good times or speed up in the bad times.
So here I am with no more babies, bonus grandchildren and grandchildren growing so quickly right before my eyes.
It’s a joy to watch them grow and learn, but it leaves a yearning in my heart for times that have past.
I arrived in Texas 40 years ago on April 1st. It was a full circle moment for me as I was born in Texas 25 years prior to arriving. I was young, had an 11 month old and a husband who had completed training to become an AA pilot.
His pay was $1500 a month, a big increase from the $800 a month we had been living on. Then three months later the pay was raised to $1800 a month, we received a $900 retroactive check. I knew we had landed in the promised land.
In fact it was a miracle we even were in Texas. Every class of new pilots before my husband’s class and every class after were sent to New York City as a base. It can only have been God for this single class to have been sent to Dallas-Fort Worth.
I reared two incredible daughters here. We made lots of wonderful memories together. A fork in the road appeared some 28 years later and now I am no longer married. 30 years married and 12.5 years divorced.
Texas has taken me on a journey. The road hasn’t been easy or smooth but it is filled full of happy memories.
As the climate of our country has changed, I’m seriously considering leaving the US and finding someplace more closely aligned with my values. Until then I’ll continue to walk this path that God put me on.
As my girls were growing up we tried different sports. As it turned out they were more interested in music and the arts. So unlike my sister, I never spent my Saturdays at the soccer field. And I was always thankful I didn’t have to sit outside in the cold weather or the unbelievably hot weather we get in Texas.
I love my grandchildren however they live 1,640 miles away. Attending their sporting events or school events is not possible for me. It makes me sad but God has provided me with surrogate grandchildren, three to be exact. The two oldest A and O have begun to play soccer. So I find myself taking the boys to practice and staying until their parent(s) arrive.
The boys asked me to attend their games and I couldn’t turn them down. It touches my heart as I see their big grins when they realize I’ve arrived. Turns out I am a loud cheerleader!! Yelling run, get that ball, go fast etc as they play. With my camera in tow, I’ve begun taking photos and found it to be rewarding. Reminds me to use my camera more often.
So while I may have never been a “soccer mom”, I am now a full fledged “soccer Mimi”.
In middle school we had to choose a language to study. My friends chose German and Spanish. Wanting to be different, I chose French. My learning has been disjointed over the years due to moves, marriage, children, life in general but I’ve never given up. Although I’ve never surpassed advance beginner, I’m still at it.
So as a gift to myself I have begun private French lessons via the internet. I found Speak like a Parisian on Instagram. The instructor is a native speaker and is around my age. I knew I didn’t want a young teacher. Why? Learning a language is difficult and the older you get the harder it becomes. I wanted someone who might have shared similar experiences and was at similar life stage. It makes conversation flow easier.
So if there is something you’ve always wanted to do, it’s never too late to begin. I remember Dear Abby responding to this question:
I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but I’m 35 and it’ll take 10 years. What should I do? Her response was How old will you be in 10 years if you don’t become a doctor?
It’s been quite a few years since I’ve really laughed. I’m not sad or depressed, but I couldn’t laugh. I think everything I had been through put the mute button on laughter.
I’ve had a moment here or there in the last 10 years when I’ve laughed but it used to come easier. I remember sitting outside with my ex and his family. An unexpected pun caused a great deal of laughter and years later we still laughed at that memory.
It is said Laughter is the best medicine. I’m more inclined to believe unconditional love is the best medicine but laughter can turn an ordinary day into a day you’ll always remember.
How did I find it again? I laugh when I think about it. The 2 year old I watch told me to laugh. She had done something and wanted me to laugh so I fulfilled her request. Thinking I’d fake it as best I could, I started with my best fake laugh. And then it occurred to me, I had just followed the orders of a 2 year old and my laughter grew. The more I laughed, the funnier I thought it was.
Going forward in the future I’m going to laugh even if I don’t feel like because laughter, even if it’s your own, is contagious.
How many times did I hear this phrase or ones similar to it: Time flies, Stop and smell the roses, You’ll miss these days, The days are long but the years are short etc. Of course like most people under 40, I just smiled and went on about my life.
I knew my children would grow up. I knew they would need me less and less each year. I was aware as some point in my life I knew I would become an empty nester. Even with all the warnings, I never saw it coming. One day I was making lunches, hauling children to activities, listening to angsty teenagers call from college, wanting an ear but no advice. And for me the empty nester situation had an added layer called divorce. I didn’t see that coming either.
How many times have I thought if I could just do that over? I was much too focused on appearances and what other people thought, to listen to my children as well as I could have. I lost my temper when I grew short of patience. Longing for those days when my children were young and my marriage before it was destroyed by my ex-husband, comes to me in waves. The waves come less often and are not a intense as they once were.
I have allowed myself to heal. A broken heart and regrets take time to get better and to not be painful 24/7. With counseling, a renewed faith in God and his faithfulness, I am so much better. And I do my best to enjoy each day for what it has to offer. I even have an opportunity to be a better caregiver as I have been the nanny to three young children for the past 6.5 years. I’ve mellowed over the years.
I am still growing and changing. Still searching for the motivation to pursue things that brought me joy in the past like writing, sewing, photography lessons, learning a foreign language. When I had all sorts of time, I wasted it. Now I work 10 plus hours a day, coming home exhausted, it has been a struggle but I found a book called Best Year Yet, A Journal for Becoming your Best self by Chronicle books. One of my problems was and still is I can’t think of anything to do beyond what I’ve already done. This book gives me different activities to do focusing on general areas most people would like to improve. I’ve completed January and February activities and I moved onto March. It’s not always easy, I find excuses but having an actual list has encouraged me to push forward.
Not sure how it became 2023. Time really does fly and I should have listened to those who knew and slowed down.
Decided I needed some extra help to move out of this depression and apathy so I hired a therapist. Now I’ve had lots of therapists over the years and only one I believe really helped me. Tonight was my second session with the new therapist so it’s a wait and see for now.
I did go to a meet up last Saturday. It was to practice speaking French. My ex husband used to make fun of me for trying to learn French so I’ve never had a lot of confidence in myself. The two ladies were nice. None of us are fluent so the intimidation factor was non existent. I am going again this Saturday.
I’m increasingly tired. Clearly this is something I need to address with my doctor but my doctor moved away. So another challenge in finding someone with whom I am comfortable.
Time to continue this journey one step at a time.
Yesterday I listed things I used to do. Today I’ll add a few new interests some for enjoyment and one because it’s needed.
1. My health must become my number one priority.
2. Photography. I am not a photographer but I’d like to learn to be better at it.
3. New experiences
These are some new doors I’d like to open and explore.
I find I move forward best when I have a plan. Where do I begin to make a plan for the rest of my life? I decided first I should make an outline and group ideas together before I created specific steps to move forward.
One aspect that of the last nine years is forgetting what brought me joy. I’m specifically referring to activities I did which made me happy. The first step is my journey is to remember what I did. It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes we bury memories deep but for now this is what I’ve identified.
1. Sewing
2. Baking
3. Reading
4. Writing
5. Travel
6. Entertaining in my home.
7. Learning French
My next step is to recall why I loved these activities, why I stopped them and what is blocking me from beginning again.
Summer 2022 began with a surprise. I broke my arm. Not a normal break between the elbow and wrist, but a proximal humerus break. Where is that? Its right where your arm meets your shoulder. I have never felt that kind of pain. It was intense. Due to location of the break a cast was not possible. No one came to help me. I was on my own. Groceries were delivered. A shower wasn’t possible for over a week. Not a good time.
During this forced idleness, it occurred to me, wasting time had become my way of life. Due to unexpected life changes over 9 years ago, I removed myself from truly living a full life. Now I must work 10 hours a day then I come home to a microwavable dinner and TV. The weekend are chores and nothing more. All the time I was recuperating, I was frustrated because I couldn’t do more and then light bulb moment, I realized this was what I had been doing for over 9 years. Nothing! I have had a few highlights in those 9 years which have given me wonderful memories. For the most part though, I’ve given up those things that I love.
It is time to change. While I can’t regain those lost years, I can make a plan, a flexible plan to reengage with life. To rediscover the activities I love. The first step is to blog again and document my progress, so in a year, 5 years, and more I can look back and see my progress.
So come with me, inspire me and find joy with me.
Did you know the average American moves 11 times in their lifetime. I’ve moved 18 times with 5 of those being in the last 8 years. Those five moves happened because of divorce. I am now living in a town I’d never have chosen but due to finances I can not leave.
I believe every place has something to offer but after five years of living here, I’ve been unable to figure out what this place offers beyond a job and cheap living. I came here originally because my daughter and her husband lived here. But they moved 1,636 miles to the east with their son. My other daughter was already living 1,410 miles to the west.
I ask myself now where do I belong. It’s definitely not here but where?Neither of my daughters commit to staying where they are which is understandable considering Americans don’t stay in one place.
Having no family nearby and nearing retirement (hopefully in 3 years), I’ve begun asking myself what will I do? Where will I go? Since my divorce I have felt homeless. Not in the sense that I haven’t had a place to live, but in the sense I have no longer have roots, a community.
So what do I do? I have no idea. I keep praying I’ll have an epiphany and know. Until then I’ll remain restless wondering if I’ll find a place where I will feel at home.
I just finished watching Your Fantastic Mind on PBS. It was eye opening. It was all about preventing dementia.
And upon watching this show I realized that post divorce I’ve allowed myself to fall into some bad habits all which increase my risk for dementia.
The two biggest for me are:
Being physically inactive
Being socially isolated
Those two things I have complete control over. Which I think is good news!
Doing things you love are also supposed to help and I’ve been bad about engaging in some favorite hobbies using all sorts of excuses. Again the good news is I have control over whether I start again.
Also good news is learning a new skill or language, helps prevent and slow down dementia. I’ve spent years working on my French and now I’m using Duolingo to learn Norwegian.
So while many will feel this might be bad news, I don’t agree. I’m excited I can make the changes in my life so I can continue to enjoy it to the fullest.
Recently I heard the song from Rent, Seasons of Love and this time I really listened to the words. There is a line which says “525,000 journeys to plan”. Something clicked and I asked myself do I or have I ever planned my life journey on a daily basis.
I have of course planned days and weeks and my life but more in the to do list sense. Married check, buy a house check, have kids check, be a good mom etc. But planning my life with ideas of how to broaden and enhance it rarely made it on the list.
I can’t say I’ve ever been in touch with my “authentic self”. In fact I’ve never really even understood that term. However I do believe I sold myself short for most of my life, never really believing in my abilities.
When I divorced I was devastated but thanks to God because he has given me a 2nd chance to rewrite my story. As I write this post, I am sitting outside with the children I keep 50 plus hours a week. Why is that significant? Because I feared I’d have no purpose and joy after the big D and here I am very happy and very loved.
I’ve begun planning my journeys which doesn’t mean trips. It means exploring myself, the world and people around me and always learn new things.
Here are a few journeys I put on my list:
1. Practice French more often
2. Learn a language other than French. (Currently it’s Norwegian).
3. Stop self criticizing what I do and how I look.
I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul. - Invictus
The Power of Story
Pieces of the Whole
Writing New Chapters when Life takes a Detour
Reviews of Films from the Golden Age of Hollywood
read what you love
Enriching my life with books
My life on an unexpected path 