When I wake up tomorrow, I will be 59. I can’t believe I’ve arrived here so quickly. One day I went to bed 35 years old and now I am staring down 60. I am grateful for another birthday because growing old isn’t a privilege everyone gets.
It would be nice if the days and years would slow down. I’d like the time to dream again and figure out what I want in my future. In less than a year I’ll have one daughter on the West Coast and one daughter with her family living back East. Due to financial reasons I will be staying behind in central Texas. I pray I’ll be able to afford to take the time off to see those I love so much. My heart breaks at the thought of living here alone.
It is impossible to know how much devastation divorce can cause until it happens to you. It is time to start finding my way again so when 60 does arrive, I’m ready.
Autumn is my favorite time of year. After a long hot summer, the slightly cooler temperatures feel refreshing. While we don’t have fall color here in central Texas, I can enjoy them through Instagram. I’d love to live somewhere with all four seasons, but for now, this is where I am.
Without fall color, the scent of burning leaves, pumpkin farms, apple orchards and a chill in the air, how can I find the spirit of Autumn? I’ve pulled out my fall decor. I’ve planted bulbs. I am making pumpkin muffins and pumpkin cookies. My apple and cinnamon candle is burning. It is amazing how much scent can evoke feelings and memories.
One of my favorite fall memories is when my ex-husband and I went to Cattle Congress in Waterloo, Iowa. We lived close enough to walk. It was a chilly evening, the stars were bright, we held hands and laughed at the day’s events. When we finally made it home, we spoke of the future because we had learned a few days earlier we were going to become parents. Of course, I had no way of knowing how much joy my daughter would bring to me and fortunately I didn’t know how much sorrow and heartache my ex-husband would bring to me throughout our 30 years of marriage.
Maybe I love autumn because when I look back, I had some of my most amazing days between September and December.