How do you write what people actually want to read?
When I got divorced, I was devastated. I went from a very comfortable secure life to a life not knowing how I’d support myself. $9000 cash and no spousal support left me raiding retirement.
I started this blog and named it Liferewritten because I felt like that’s what I needed to do. I needed to change my life and take it from an unhappy marriage, followed by a devastating divorce to something better.
So rather than complaining to my daughters or ruminating over my heartbreak, I would vent on the blog.
A couple years ago, I went back and deleted my darkest, saddest and most angry blogs. I wanted to separate myself from those memories, but I wish I hadn’t deleted them. I would like to see how far I’ve come.
So I write to share my journey and if no one reads it that’s okay, but it leaves a record of my life for my daughters.
I agreed to marry a man I didn’t really know. We had 4 dates and he asked me to get married and I said yes. We married 4 months later. My parents drove me to Iowa with my belongs. I stayed a week and returned home.
We didn’t see each other again until a few days before the wedding. I knew almost nothing about his family or their family dynamics. If I had, I would have never married him. I didn’t know any of his faults or struggles. If I had known them, I would have never married him.
If I had known he had no interests, never read books, was not interested in what was happening in the world, hated museums and only wanted to drink alcohol or lie on a beach or lie by a pool, I would have run away.
I can’t say I have ever felt at home anywhere. I didn’t feel at home growing up because I was odd man out plus we moved several times between ages 9-14.
First house I bought 1986
Then when I married we rented and lived in 4 places in 3 years. When we finally bought a house, I definitely felt grown up. And it probably felt more like home than any place I’ve lived in since then.
My idea of home is family and my family hasn’t been together for 14 years. We don’t have to live in the same house but near enough to get together.
So for now and the foreseeable future, I have a place to live but it’s not home.
What’s one thing that would instantly improve your city?
My city would improve with a change of leadership. Our mayor profited off the data center. The zoning committee has yet to require new communities to have sidewalks.
The roads are in bad shape and they seem to repair the same roads over and over but leave really bad roads in the same condition.
They have yet to pursue a high quality private non-religious school to open here. It is either public school, homeschool, a strict Christian school or a half and half program of homeschooling and religious education.
The mall has died. There has been no intervention to try and save it. All major retailers have left except for Dillards.
If I could leave this town and this state, I would. However I need to remember to buy a lottery ticket so I have a chance to win. Then I could leave.
What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?
I’ve been lucky enough to have many people who have done kind things for me, but two things stand out in my memory.
In 2006 my youngest daughter graduated from high school. We had a big party and family from both sides came to town for her. My former father-in-law was not a nice man. He was critical and could be cruel. He was at my home and refused to even acknowledge my presence. Not even a simple hello was uttered from his lips.
I had had enough and asked my husband (now ex) to speak to his father. I should have known better because my ex was drunk and it ended up being a fiasco. When my former father-in-law literally stepped over me to say goodbye to my family and ignored me, I had to leave.
I went straight to Anne’s house two doors down. The second the doors opened I broke down in tears. She hugged me and let me cry my eyes out. Two hours later no one had come to look for me. I wouldn’t have survived without her kindness.
My high school bestie and I were both born in 1959 at opposite ends of the year. 2019 was a big year because we turned 60. She asked me to accompany her to France to celebrate. Sadly I couldn’t afford to go but she surprised me and told me she was covering all expenses.
We were able to celebrate our very long friendship in the city of lights and I’ll never forget how special I felt that someone would do this for me.
When you have bottled up anger due to injustice and must engage with people who have no idea of how to engage in rational conversation, you just have to rant.
Science has determined that many miscarriages are caused by faulty sperm. Sperm that have defects or are unhealthy due to a man’s chosen lifestyle.
Laws now prohibit lifesaving measures to women experiencing miscarriage which according to new science isn’t probably her fault. When I suggested men who produce unwanted pregnancies, produce children they refuse to support, abuse their children or have a partner who continually miscarries due to faulty sperm be require to get a vasectomy, the response was along the lines of how dare men’s reproductive rights be hindered.
When at the same time supporting regulated control of women’s reproductive rights. It makes me so angry. Men have ruled since time began and women are still seen as second class citizens to be controlled. With this administration, the persecution has gotten worse.
I live in a state where women are being denied healthcare and dying because termination of a pregnancy is illegal. It doesn’t take a deep search to find multiple cases of this.
I doubt I’ll see any change in my lifetime and I feel sorry for my daughters, nieces, granddaughters, and all the future women who have to deal with this injustice.
Many years ago I was a runner up in a Fort Worth Star Telegram contest about the serendipitous meeting of my spouse. He’s my ex-spouse now.
Summer of 1981, my dad rented a small single engine airplane and flew my mom and him back to Iowa. It was my dad’s 25th high school reunion. (For reference my 50th reunion is next year.)
They hired a young pilot to fly them to their final destination and paid for him to return home. My dad was the friendliest man alive. He invited this pilot out to Las Vegas (our home) and said he’d set him up with his daughter.
After the stop in Iowa they were headed for a meeting in Minneapolis/St.Paul. However my dad’s pilot license only allowed him to fly if he could see the ground. The day they left SE Iowa and flew north it because cloudy and they were forced to land in Waterloo, IA.
Six months later this pilot showed up and my dad paid for him to take me out. Yes pathetic but Daddy was very generous.
On New Year’s Day the pilot returned from California and asked me out again. This second meeting we really clicked. Three months later we were engaged and married by August.
I always thought about if it had been a sunny day we would have never met.
Our marriage lasted 30 years before he moved onto someone younger, but he gave me the greatest gift. I have two beautiful, loving, generous and Christ loving daughters and he is their dad.
If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be and why?
I already have one tattoo. It says La Vie est belle. It’s French for Life is beautiful. I’d get one that said, Savourez la vie and pray it is a correct translation of Savor life.
If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?
Do not rush through life trying to reach all the milestones. Savor being single, travel, move to France, wait to marry and have kids. Explore opportunities, write that book.
Just do not rush for fear those milestones will never happen.
For most of my life I was a control freak. The more I controlled, the more anxiety I had but was convinced if I had control the anxiety would be relieved.
Ask my daughters and they will confirm I did my best to control everyone and everything around me. It’s genetic. My grandmother controlled my mother. My mother did her best to control me but wasn’t always successful.
I didn’t control my girls as much, but I definitely exercised control when I could.
Then one day I realized that control was a mirage. I never had had control. When my world came crashing down, it was a tough lesson.
Now I understand control is a mirage. The only constant is the Lord. And He is always full of surprises.
So mostly now I don’t even think about uncertainty. As long as I live, what happens in life will be uncertain. And I can trust it’ll all work out.
What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?
There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.
I have always identified with Anne Shirley. She isn’t like everyone else who accepts things as they are. She has many versions of herself. It’s not because she changes to fit in. I believe it’s because each new discovery changes her.
And that is what I believe my life has been like. I remember after I married, my mom would say things like, “I didn’t know you liked …..” It wasn’t a bad thing to say. It was only an observation about how I had changed.
I continue to change, even at 66. And to be honest some people find this troublesome. People like things to stay the same. It’s comfortable for them. But for me staying the same means being stagnant.
I am always making an effort to learn something new. I still work on learning a foreign language. I try new recipes, new places to eat, new experiences to have like making my own soda. The world is full of simple and spectacular lessons to learn.
Love of learning does that to a person. The more you experience and the more you learn, it’s impossible to stay the same.
If you could change the ending of any book, which one would it be?
I think my answer is probably unoriginal. I read Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell when I was 16 years old. I had little perspective on life, so my focus was on the love story and not the sin and shame of slavery.
I would have Rhett turn around and return to Scarlett. Her heart longed to be loved and only Rhett could love her the way she needed to be loved. And in turn Rhett longed to be loved too and Scarlett was the only woman who could love him completely.
As I said unoriginal answer but it’s simple. Doesn’t everyone want a happy ending?
If you had to change your name, what would your new name be? You mean Daphne right? No it’s Daphna.
I do not like my name. I have never liked my name. My mother told me she was guilted into naming me Daphna. I was named after my grandmother. People always think I get my own name wrong.
I loved my grandmother but she was bitter and unhappy. The only time I saw her truly happy was when she was around my nephew. She had a son who tragically died before he was two and this new baby boy was special. Every time she was around him, her entire demeanor and facial expressions changed.
I was given the nickname Dede when I was around 18 months old and have been Dede ever since. But I have often wondered if I could choose my own name what would it be and would it make me a different person.
Studies have been done about the importance of a name and how it shapes you.
I think I’d want something that could have a nickname so I could be more than one person. Charlotte, Liliane, Esmé, so many possibilities.
I’ve always thought it would be fun to ask people who don’t know me what they think my name is. That would be interesting.
My first job like many girls was babysitting. I was 11 and made .50 cents an hour. By the time I was 13, I was making .75 cents/hour and before I was 14, it was $1.00/hour.
Between my junior and senior year of high school at the age of 16, I had my first “real” job. I was hired at Broadway Department store. I made $2.75/ hour. That was 50 years ago and the store has long since vanished. However it was the nicest department store in Las Vegas at the time and at the only mall in town.
As a freshman in college I was hired at an upscale children’s boutique owned by my billiards professor and his wife. I was making $3.25/hour plus if we sold $2070 on one day we each received a $20 bonus. We could easily reach that goal everyday in the summer. The store’s original location was at the MGM Grand Hotel. The original one which had a tragic fire and was located at Flamingo and the Strip. I helped open the location at Caesar’s Palace’s newly open shopping area. I met Patrick Duffy. He was the Man from Atlantis at the time and subsequently Bobby Ewing in Dallas. I helped Sammy Davis Jr. I met Tina Sinatra. And my most memorable day was when an old man, dressed in scruffy jeans and t-shirt with long hair in a ponytail walked in with a statuesque blonde.
She began shopping and purchased many expensive things. I don’t remember the exact amount but I know it exceeded $2,000. That would be over $8,000 in today’s money. I had no idea who they were until he returned to the store and handed me an American Express Credit card. It was exactly like the commercial. I looked at the card and recognized the name. There was no electronic approval back then. $2,000 was the store’s limit so I had to call AMEX for approval.
The man on the phone asked the amount and name on the card, I said Willie Nelson. The man on the phone didn’t believe me. I had to convince him that the man himself was standing before me.
Now for those of you who are surprised I didn’t recognize Willie, remember I was 20 years old and didn’t listen to country music.
I left that job so I could make $5.00/hour at a brand new Sax Fifth Avenue. I helped stock and open that store. It is still there in the Fashion Show Mall on the strip.
I married and moved to Iowa. I became the assistant manager of a young adult female clothing store. Ended up leaving that job to be a mom.
So that began my career as cook, cleaning lady, chauffeur, healthcare provider, nursemaid, therapist, meal planner, money manager and more responsibilities that any one person should have.
During the time my girls were teenagers I worked part time at Kohls and substitute taught.
I earned my real estate license and began selling houses in 2006. I found myself divorced in Jan 2013. I kept selling real estate but wasn’t making enough to support myself. I eventually moved to the central Texas town where I remain to this day.
After 4 full years of earning very little money to no money, I was blessed with finding a job through my daughter as a nanny. Initially it was part time and in less than a year it went to full time. That was 10 years ago. My employers added two more children for a total of 3.
Funny thing is I am back doing much of what I did when I was a full time stay at home mother. The only difference is I get paid for my services now.
There are many things I would have liked to be but I’ve accepted my calling is to love and care for those around me.
List the people you admire and look to for advice…
I don’t look to one single person for advice. I only know one person in my circle whom I would go to for advice. And I would even hesitate to ask her.
The one person in my family I’d ask for advice is my daughter. (I’ll let them decide which one I’m referring to). she’s level headed and wise beyond her years. I hesitate to ask her for advice because she doesn’t like to give advice.
Of course I turn to Jesus and the Bible. That is most reliable source of advice. I can’t say I am always happy with what it is, but I’m always guaranteed things will eventually work out if I rely on what I read and the Lord I know.
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I have heard when people show you who they are, you need to believe them. I wish I had heard this years ago and taken it to heart.
Throughout my marriage my now ex-husband showed me who he was. He cheated but always promised he would stop. He used nasty pornography but when caught, always promised he’d stop. My daughter and I asked him to quit drinking. He said he didn’t have a problem. Her response was why do I find you passed out of the sofa? He was wanted by the police for illegal sexual behavior but always promised he’d never do it again. At the end he admitted to using prostitutes.
And even then I stayed almost another 3 years. My trusting heart always believed he would stop but he never did. He asked for the divorce not me. Crazy isn’t it when I think about it.
Six years into our marriage he admitted going to a live sex act club in Sydney, Australia. I wish I had acted then and left him. I stayed another 24 years. While my heart would have been sad it wouldn’t have been shattered by 30 years of mistreatment.
So when people show you who they are, believe them!!
How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?
I work for doctors as their nanny. They had to continue to work during the pandemic. My schedule didn’t change. I show up at 7:15 and stay until 5:30. Preschool was cancelled so I had the boys all day. They are sweet most of the time and fun to be around. It kept what could have been a very lonely time from being so lonely. We didn’t wear masks together since they were so young. Their mom would come in and shower in the back room, changing her clothes as not to bring Covid in the house because she had patients who would come in despite knowing they had Covid putting her, the entire staff and all their families at risk. The dad contacted a mild case of Covid early on but had to quarantine for 3 weeks. None of us caught it.
I was unable to go and see my mother who was 83 at the time. I went over 2 years without seeing her. I did risk getting sick to go see my daughters, SIL and grandkids at Christmas. The thought of being alone over Christmas was too much to bear. I did wear a mask if I had to get out.
I stopped going grocery shopping which I didn’t do often anyway. When I was suffering from severe depression I had switched to pickup and I just did pickup all the time during covid.
While life changed dramatically for a lot of people, my life changed very little. I think I may have had covid the end of February 2020 but nothing had been said about it at that time. Since then I have never contracted covid.
The pandemic brought out the worst of people. They became ruder, pushier and greedy. People hoarded basic necessities because they would never dream of doing without or with less.
It has made me aware of how unprepared we are as a nation and how unprepared I am as an individual for another pandemic. The Trump administration handled it so poorly and lies were spread, so normally intelligent people were duped into believing falsehoods, just like they believe the lies about vaccines now. My friend’s young adult brother died because they refused the vaccination, believing the lies.
I pray there is not another pandemic in my lifetime, my children’s lifetime and my grandchildren’s lifetime but I know that is unlikely.
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
I am a woman, one of the last reared with old fashioned ideas. Things like the man worked and the woman stayed home. The man managed his time and pursued his dreams. The woman gave up all of her time and gave up her dreams.
So no I don’t say no to things that interfere with my goals. In fact as sad as it is, I can’t remember ever having a goal beyond losing weight to please my ex-husband.
If anyone knows how to change the mindset of the 60s and 70s let me know.
What experiences in life helped you grow the most?
France
I’ve had so many things that have contributed to my growth. One that stands out is my 3 month stay in France. I needed time away after my divorce and chose to go to a language school.
I didn’t become fluent in French but I learned I can survive on my own. It also made me realize you can’t run away from your problems or emotions. They stay with you wherever you are and must deal with them.
It took awhile but I did just that. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My relationship with Jesus is deeper and I love waking up in the morning. I went from Despair to Joy.
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Top l to r 5 yrs – 22 yrs bottom l to r 65yrs – 46 yrs
Significant events always make me stop and I either take joy in what my life has been or I lament over what my life hasn’t been.
I often think of the song from the musical Rent, Seasons of Love. 525,600 minutes each year. They are deposited in our bank of time and once it’s spent there are no more deposits until Jan 1 of the following year. Once a moment has happened it is gone forever.
Seasons of Love is exactly how I view my life. The love of great-grandparents who shared their garden and help make many wonderful memories. The pain of leaving friends behind when your family moves. The love of a first boyfriend, a most exciting time, which holds such sweet memories. Followed by marriage and the happiness that immediately follows but doesn’t necessarily last.
The season of motherly love for your children. It’s best expressed by this “ having children is like watching your heart walk around in the world.”
Then the shift from a hands-on mother to a behind the scene mother to adult children. They don’t need you often but you’re always there if they do need you.
Then the heartbreak of the love you thought would last forever when it didn’t. Learning to love your new life and succeeding.
A son-in-law and grandkids arrive and love grows exponentially.
Introduce bonus grandkids and now my heart nearly fits inside my chest.
So my life is broken down into Seasons of Love.
And as I age, taking joy in one day is so important. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday is gone and won’t return. Today is the most important time.
