I know how old I am. Every time I look in the mirror I see it. Not in my mirror at home of course. In that mirror I don’t look old. But when I am out and see myself in a mirror, I’m always shocked at the old lady who looks back at me.
I saw some candid photos today and I didn’t even recognize myself. I was so disappointed because I haven’t taken good care of myself since my divorce.
How do you get back on the path of self care? I don’t even know where to begin and I’m open to suggestions.
What’s a time you ignored your gut — and paid for it?
The night before my wedding I thought I shouldn’t be doing this. I didn’t know him. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents I had made a mistake.
My daughters aren’t a mistake. And I did have some happy times but I know in my heart of hearts, I never had the kind of relationship you are supposed to have with a spouse.
Friendship, a good friendship is the anchor that holds a marriage together. We were never friends.
What’s a completely useless fact you love sharing?
I was on Hollywood Squares in Dec 1981. They gave a prize each time you won a game. My opponent and I played three games. I won all three games.
My total was just under $12,000 which today is just under $45,000.
No one believes me but it’s true!
What’s the worst travel experience you’ve ever had?
When I was 21 years old, I was on the game show Hollywood squares. One of the prizes I won was an all expense paid trip for two to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I invited my dear friend Michele to join me and we opted to go in late August which would have been the end of winter for them, but it has a temperate climate so the weather was good.
It was a seven day six night trip. We were young and when I was determining the dates I counted incorrectly and when it was time to return home, we got to the airport one full day late. We panicked because we had to be back to university in a couple days.
This was back in 1981 and very few people spoke English in Brazil and neither of us spoke Portuguese. No one at the airport could help us, because my tickets had no cash value since I had won them as a prize. Neither one of us could afford to buy new tickets, and our parents were not in financial positions to buy us new tickets. We decided to take a taxi to an airline office. It’s been so long ago that I can’t even remember the name of the airline.
Fortunately the agent spoke some English and we explained our situation. Being very emotional I started crying because I really didn’t know how we were gonna get home. The agent was so kind. She ended up giving us two complimentary tickets on her airline and I will say this airline was much better and nicer than the airline we originally flew down on which was based in Columbia.
Again, this is before the advent of any type of personal cell phones and we had no idea how we were going to contact our parents about the change of arrival in Los Angeles. Another cab ride to the American embassy and we managed to slip in the door as someone was leaving.
By the grace of God, we were able to speak with someone in the U.S. Navy who allowed us to call home. We made one call to Michele’s parents with the new arrival information.
Back to the airport for a very long day waiting for our departure. We finally departed. We changed planes in Peru and finally reached Los Angeles.
Looking back I realized my mistake. We left the west coast of the U.S. and flew to the east coast of Brazil. There was a stop over with a change of planes in Bogota, Columbia. It never occurred to me our first day of the trip was the day we left and not the day we arrived. Hence, I began counting on the wrong day.
It was a stressful lesson but it’s also a a mistake I’ve never made again.
If you could switch lives with a famous person for a week, who would it be and why?
I have no desire to change place with anyone famous. I’m happy with my life. While I am not famous or financially wealthy, I am rich in love and joy.
What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?
I’ve spent most of my life determining how I felt about myself by what other people said and thought. This caused me to doubt my decision decisions and make rash decisions. It caused me to have a massive fear of abandonment which intern encourage me to make bad decisions.
The only opinions that matters is God’s opinion of me and what I think of me.
The genie grants you a wish. What is it?
I’d like to go back to my 16th birthday with all of my knowledge and wisdom accumulated through 16-67 still with me.
I’d like to know what my life would have been like if I had chosen my dream over a boyfriend. I wish I had found a way to tell my dad I would find a way to study in Europe. I wouldn’t spend one second worried what others thought of me. I’d have confidence. I’d pursue joy. I would have gotten help for my depression even though I did not have support from my parents.
Then I’d like to look at my two life paths and chose one.
What’s a moment in your life that made you feel truly alive?
1999, October. I went for a week to a language school in Lyon. I was alone. My marriage was struggling. A change was desperately needed.
The colors of autumn were vibrant. The classes were held in an old large, manor home. There weren’t many of us and most students were either beginner or intermediate level. I was told US French teachers come in the summer.
In addition to classes, we had a couple tours, a cooking class and a wine tasting class.
When I took my first walk, breathed in the cool air, being immersed in the autumnal colors and surrounded by history, I felt fully alive.
How do you write what people actually want to read?
When I got divorced, I was devastated. I went from a very comfortable secure life to a life not knowing how I’d support myself. $9000 cash and no spousal support left me raiding retirement.
I started this blog and named it Liferewritten because I felt like that’s what I needed to do. I needed to change my life and take it from an unhappy marriage, followed by a devastating divorce to something better.
So rather than complaining to my daughters or ruminating over my heartbreak, I would vent on the blog.
A couple years ago, I went back and deleted my darkest, saddest and most angry blogs. I wanted to separate myself from those memories, but I wish I hadn’t deleted them. I would like to see how far I’ve come.
So I write to share my journey and if no one reads it that’s okay, but it leaves a record of my life for my daughters.
How do you make time for self-care?
I agreed to marry a man I didn’t really know. We had 4 dates and he asked me to get married and I said yes. We married 4 months later. My parents drove me to Iowa with my belongs. I stayed a week and returned home.
We didn’t see each other again until a few days before the wedding. I knew almost nothing about his family or their family dynamics. If I had, I would have never married him. I didn’t know any of his faults or struggles. If I had known them, I would have never married him.
If I had known he had no interests, never read books, was not interested in what was happening in the world, hated museums and only wanted to drink alcohol or lie on a beach or lie by a pool, I would have run away.
So NEVER marry someone you don’t know well.
What’s a place you visited that felt like home?
I can’t say I have ever felt at home anywhere. I didn’t feel at home growing up because I was odd man out plus we moved several times between ages 9-14.
Then when I married we rented and lived in 4 places in 3 years. When we finally bought a house, I definitely felt grown up. And it probably felt more like home than any place I’ve lived in since then.
My idea of home is family and my family hasn’t been together for 14 years. We don’t have to live in the same house but near enough to get together.
So for now and the foreseeable future, I have a place to live but it’s not home.
If the salary was the same, what job would you be doing right now and why?
I love my job. The hours are long and everyday I have a different challenges but everyday begins with hugs and smiles. And I end my day the same way it began with hugs and kisses.
I am a full time nanny for a family with 3 children. I’ve been with them for 10 years this October. The kids are 11,almost 9 and 5.5. There are two boys and one girl.
Which fictional world would be the most fun to vacation/live in?
Without a doubt either Three Pines or St. Denis.
Three Pines is a fictional village located in Québec and borders the U.S. it is home to a close knit community comprised of:
The café is a local gathering place with a large fireplace, delicious food and a hot bed of gossip. Everyone looks after each other in this village named for the three large pines in the community’s green space. Why three pines? It’s is said loyalists during the American Revolution could find sanctuary in these Canadian towns.
The second but equally desirable place is the fictional town of St. Denis, Dordogne, France. You’ll find a close knit community who care for each other. Bruno is an excellent cook, has a love of Bassett hounds and seems to always getting involved in unsolved crimes.
Benoît “Bruno” Courrèges is the sole municipal police chief of St. Denis and a former soldier who served in Bosnia. He prefers community-based policing over strict law enforcement, often protecting locals from distant European Union bureaucracies. Deeply embedded in the culture of Périgord, he acts as a youth sports coach, makes his own walnut wine, and functions as the guardian of the town’s traditions. His peaceful routine is disrupted when he must assist national authorities in a sensitive local murder case.
Key Relationships
Employee of Gérard Mangin
Colleague of Isabelle Perrault also her love
Rival Colleague of Captain Duroc
Protector of Karim al-Bakr
Friend of Momu al-Bakr
Colleague of Jean-Jacques “J-J” Jalipeau
Tennis Partner of The Baron
Sometimes lover of Pamela an English divorcée
As the books progress more characters are introduced and Bruno builds a deeply committed relationship with these people from various backgrounds.
Again you’ll find regular dinners hosted by this community of friends. Many times with Bruno doing the cooking. He has a large garden of herbs, tomatoes, vegetables. He truffle hunts with his basset hound.
I’d be happy to live in either of these two places.
Thanks to book companion and super summary for character lists.
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Many more characters are introduced
How did you meet your significant other?
Many years ago I was a runner up in a Fort Worth Star Telegram contest about the serendipitous meeting of my spouse. He’s my ex-spouse now.
Summer of 1981, my dad rented a small single engine airplane and flew my mom and him back to Iowa. It was my dad’s 25th high school reunion. (For reference my 50th reunion is next year.)
They hired a young pilot to fly them to their final destination and paid for him to return home. My dad was the friendliest man alive. He invited this pilot out to Las Vegas (our home) and said he’d set him up with his daughter.
After the stop in Iowa they were headed for a meeting in Minneapolis/St.Paul. However my dad’s pilot license only allowed him to fly if he could see the ground. The day they left SE Iowa and flew north it because cloudy and they were forced to land in Waterloo, IA.
Six months later this pilot showed up and my dad paid for him to take me out. Yes pathetic but Daddy was very generous.
On New Year’s Day the pilot returned from California and asked me out again. This second meeting we really clicked. Three months later we were engaged and married by August.
I always thought about if it had been a sunny day we would have never met.
Our marriage lasted 30 years before he moved onto someone younger, but he gave me the greatest gift. I have two beautiful, loving, generous and Christ loving daughters and he is their dad.
If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be and why?
I already have one tattoo. It says La Vie est belle. It’s French for Life is beautiful. I’d get one that said, Savourez la vie and pray it is a correct translation of Savor life.
How to make friends when you’re over 65
I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.
My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.
I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.
I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.
I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.
The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.
This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.
Is anyone else out there in my situation?
What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?
There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables, #1)
I have always identified with Anne Shirley. She isn’t like everyone else who accepts things as they are. She has many versions of herself. It’s not because she changes to fit in. I believe it’s because each new discovery changes her.
And that is what I believe my life has been like. I remember after I married, my mom would say things like, “I didn’t know you liked …..” It wasn’t a bad thing to say. It was only an observation about how I had changed.
I continue to change, even at 66. And to be honest some people find this troublesome. People like things to stay the same. It’s comfortable for them. But for me staying the same means being stagnant.
I am always making an effort to learn something new. I still work on learning a foreign language. I try new recipes, new places to eat, new experiences to have like making my own soda. The world is full of simple and spectacular lessons to learn.
Love of learning does that to a person. The more you experience and the more you learn, it’s impossible to stay the same.
What’s a movie or book that inspired you to travel?
I don’t remember ever having a moment in my life that I didn’t have a desire to travel. As I’ve said before I took one of those 13 countries and six week bus trips when I was in college.
I have read books that have inspired me to travel to certain places. I read a series of books about a Norwegian family that settled in the Dakotas back in the 1800s and wanted to go to Norway. Bruno chief of police series by Martin Walker inspired me to go to the Perigord region of France.
I read the Outlander books and that inspired me to go to Scotland.
I personally just love to travel, and I love to travel to places that are rich in history.
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
More than one place would be my answer. I’d like to live near my daughters, one in PA and one in Southern CA. I’d also like to have a place in the Dordogne region of France. From there I could easily explore Europe and improve my language skills.
With retirement available to me at anytime beginning in August, I’ve begun to think about what will I do.
I only came to one conclusion. I don’t think even after 10 years in this town, I’ll feel its home. Home is where your heart is and clearly mine is in PA and CA.
What’s a time you followed your gut and it turned out to be exactly right?
When I was in university I saw a poster for a group trip to Europe. I think it was 13 countries in six weeks. We would meet in London.
I worked and saved while everyone told me it was a fake poster and I’d regret my decision. I’d lose money. I did what little research was available because this was many years before the internet.
My parents took me to LAX and from there I flew to London. I had paid extra for some London excursions.
Being brave enough to go alone and join a group, knowing no one, was one of the best things I ever did. I went to countries that now no longer exist. I have lifetime memories that have the ability to look at the world from different perspectives.
So happy I didn’t listen to the naysayers and trusted my gut.
The Power of Story
Pieces of the Whole
Writing New Chapters when Life takes a Detour
read what you love
Enriching my life with books
