Tag: happiness

Posted in life

Lost Leisure Time

Posted on by Dede

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

I’m actually not sure. I’ve spent the last 9.5 years caring for a family’s children so I’ve spent a lot of time playing games, reading stories, going to the library and park. We’ve visited most child friendly sites within an hour of where we live. We cook and bake cupcakes, cookies and other yummy things. We do art projects and nature projects.

So in a way my entire day has been spent doing leisurely things. With the kids in school full time and one going half days, I’ve struggled to find leisurely things to do. Mostly I read or write letters. I love getting snail mail. There is nothing better than holding a letter in your hand and reading the words of a loved one.

As the younger one approaches full time school, I’ll need to figure out how to fill my days.

Posted in life

First Name Struggle

Posted on by Dede

Write about your first name: its meaning, significance, etymology, etc.

My legal first name is Daphna. It is not Daphne. I was named after my grandmother who loved her name. She was named after the Jewish wife of a football coach.

Daphna is the Hebrew version of Daphne. Daphne was a Greek nymph. Cupid shot Apollo with an arrow and he fell in love with Daphne. She didn’t want to marry but have a free life like Diana the Huntress. She called to her father the river and he turned her into a Laurel tree.

Apollo being devastated to find her rooted to the ground, chose laurel leaves to make a wreath which would be the symbol of victory.

When I learned this story in 8th grade, I was thrilled. I had suffered horrible teasing due to my name and I hated my name. Of course this made my grandmother mad, but I was 13 and didn’t care. I just wanted a normal name like Michelle or Beth.

We lived with my grandmother when I was a toddler. Having two Daphnas in the house didn’t work. So my mother nicknamed me Dede, (All my initials were D). I am now 66 and have always gone by Dede.

Names can definitely help form your personality. And I know if I had had a name which wasn’t constantly mispronounced, misspelled, made fun of, I’d have had a better time of it. Imagine always being asked are you sure your name isn’t Daphne?

Posted in life

The Mess before the Reward

Posted on by Dede
Part of the Meas

Realizing a move was not financially possible, I decided to do updates to my home. While I had done some updates, my kitchen cabinets are in a bad way.

I took it upon myself to paint them a few years ago. At first they looked good but over time they became worn. I priced getting all new cabinets and counters. It was out of my price range. How do I update them without breaking the bank.?

I am getting new cabinet doors and having the bases and new doors painted. I’ll get a new updated look without spending $25,000 or more.

However I failed to realize I would need to remove every single thing from my kitchen. Now my kitchen isn’t large but it’s amazing how much stuff one can stash.

I do not do well in chaos. Some people thrive on it, but I need order. My daughter told me that when your space is a mess it can affect your brain and make your brain feel unsettled. So right now I’m living in a mess and it’s going to get worse as I haven’t even emptied all the cabinets.

What type of environment do you thrive in? An orderly space? A space which shows something is happening? Or an over the top mess full of creativity?

Everything should be completed by next weekend. Which means I know next weekend I’ll be spending my time putting everything back. Will it be like Christmas when you can never fit everything back into the boxes? I hope not.

Posted in life

Everything and Nothing

Posted on by Dede

What could you do differently?

If I were to list what I could do differently it would be a never ending list because who lives a perfect life? Certainly not me.

My life, right now, is pretty good. I love my job. I make enough to support myself. I am making new friends and I’m getting more involved in church.

I had a major upheaval 13 years ago which followed many heartaches. It has taken me several years to find an even keel. Having experienced this life altering episode, change has been put on the back burner for me.

However with the advent of 2026, I’ve decided to step outside my comfort zone and begin by making small changes. There won’t be huge changes like moving to a different state or changing jobs, but small changes which will inspire me and encourage me to continue to grow.

The first change of 2026? The boys and I moved my living room furniture around. My living area is small and I thought there was only one option. Brainstorming, a new possibility was found. I love the new layout and while this is a small change, it does make my home feel refreshed.

So in 2026, there will be changes and some things will stay the same. Small refreshes for me.

Posted in life

Past or Future

Posted on by Dede

Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?

20 years ago

If you had asked me this question 10 years ago I’d say I thought about the past more. I was still hurting from my divorce. Rehashing all the wrong done to me and looking inward to figure out where I’d gone wrong, occupied most of my time. Fortunately one day, I realized this was getting me nowhere.

So began the time I hyper focused on the future. Would I ever own a home again? Would I ever find a job? I’d been unemployed for 3 years post divorce and was running out of money. Would I ever be happy again? Would I forever be alone again? Many questions plagued my mind. Then one day I realized just like focusing on the past, focusing on the future was getting me nowhere.

So I let the past go and gave the future to God. I began to focus on today, the here and now. While I can’t completely control today, I can organize and plan my life for that 24 hours. Only thinking about the right now, let’s me enjoy the moments, solve any problems that arise and continue to only plan the things I can control like spending, housework, time at work, time with friends etc.

Letting the past go and giving God the future has been a great thing.

Posted in life

1964 1/2 Ford Mustang

Posted on by Dede

What is your all time favorite automobile?

1965 Mustang

This was my first car. My dad actually said it was a 1964 1/2 because it was one of the first 500 made. It was all original. The hub caps, interior with lap belts and a powerful air conditioning system were exactly as if it was new off the factory floor. My dad paid $250 for it.

This is the car which I drove when I turned 16. It was a fun and fast car. I loved it and it holds very fond memories for me.

What you must understand is that I turned 16 in 1975 so the car was just 10 years old. Too new to be a collector car and too old to be super cool like a TransAm or Camero. I had to give it up when my sister turned 16 two years later. At that time, I drove the big, gold Chevy station wagon and that definitely wasn’t cool.

There are many experiences I’d like to have again and driving this car is one of them.

Posted in life

2024-2025??

Posted on by Dede

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

Thumbs.Dreamtime.com

It’s been so long since I’ve actually thought ahead and planned my future, there isn’t a list of what I wanted from 2024-2025. Planning stopped in 2013.

Looking forward is something I really need to do again. For the most part, focusing on one day at a time has been what I’ve done.

I used to be a planner and it worked great while my children were growing up. Now as adults they roll their eyes and say, “Mom I have no idea of what I’ll be doing in 3 months or six months or even next year”. When my divorce happened I learned life doesn’t always go according to plans, therefore I stopped planning.

I see now that was wrong. While living in the moment is my utmost goal, looking forward to the future with anticipation and excitement is important too.

My life has not changed much from a year ago. However I’ve lost weight and lowered my blood sugar. I’ve read 20 more books this year than I did last year 50 vs 70 books.

With 2026 knocking on the door, refusing to go away as I ignore it, it’s time to make a vision board. I’ve done that in the past and it worked well. 2026 I’ll be ready for you.

Posted in life

Always learning

Posted on by Dede

What skills or lessons have you learned recently?

Market in Bordeaux

I have been working on expanding my French skills. This means daily practice but unfortunately I don’t have anyone near me who speaks French. But alas, I will not be dissuaded from learning French as impractical as it may be in Texas.

This prompt made me realize I have not really learned anything new in quite awhile. I used to seek out new learning opportunities on a regular basis but for the last few years I’ve been remiss.

2026 will see a change in that. I don’t set new year resolutions but I can set goals. I like to break them down into steps. Organization and purging of no longer needed items is at the top of my list. Once this is done I can learn new sewing skills, writing skills, and try some more difficult baking and cooking recipes, also seek out an adventure

I’ll continue leaning French vocabulary but add new skills along the way. I believe we only stop learning when we die.

Posted in life

How did I end up at a Soccer field

Posted on by Dede
Soccer Saturday

As my girls were growing up we tried different sports. As it turned out they were more interested in music and the arts. So unlike my sister, I never spent my Saturdays at the soccer field. And I was always thankful I didn’t have to sit outside in the cold weather or the unbelievably hot weather we get in Texas.

I love my grandchildren however they live 1,640 miles away. Attending their sporting events or school events is not possible for me. It makes me sad but God has provided me with surrogate grandchildren, three to be exact. The two oldest A and O have begun to play soccer. So I find myself taking the boys to practice and staying until their parent(s) arrive.

The boys asked me to attend their games and I couldn’t turn them down. It touches my heart as I see their big grins when they realize I’ve arrived. Turns out I am a loud cheerleader!! Yelling run, get that ball, go fast etc as they play. With my camera in tow, I’ve begun taking photos and found it to be rewarding. Reminds me to use my camera more often.

So while I may have never been a “soccer mom”, I am now a full fledged “soccer Mimi”.

Posted in life

Never too late!

Posted on by Dede

In middle school we had to choose a language to study. My friends chose German and Spanish. Wanting to be different, I chose French. My learning has been disjointed over the years due to moves, marriage, children, life in general but I’ve never given up. Although I’ve never surpassed advance beginner, I’m still at it.

So as a gift to myself I have begun private French lessons via the internet. I found Speak like a Parisian on Instagram. The instructor is a native speaker and is around my age. I knew I didn’t want a young teacher. Why? Learning a language is difficult and the older you get the harder it becomes. I wanted someone who might have shared similar experiences and was at similar life stage. It makes conversation flow easier.

So if there is something you’ve always wanted to do, it’s never too late to begin. I remember Dear Abby responding to this question:

I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but I’m 35 and it’ll take 10 years. What should I do? Her response was How old will you be in 10 years if you don’t become a doctor?

Posted in Faith

Finding Joy Again

Posted on by Dede

Graduation

When I found myself divorced, I became very depressed. I honestly believed God had forgotten me and that I’d never find joy in my life again. I was unemployed for 4.5 years. I was living off of a rapidly dwindling 401k. And while countless people offered advice on finding a job, no matter what type of job I applied for, I wouldn’t get any response. And trust me I tried the most basic, hourly wage jobs to things for which I’d be better suited. Nothing.

I decided I needed to move closer to my eldest daughter because she lived in a very affordable city. Depression came with me and so did the tears. I really didn’t see a way out of my situation beyond moving in with my daughter or mother. And then a miracle happened.

My daughter was working as a nanny, part-time and her employers needed someone for the two extra days. I jumped at the chance because the small amount of money, would help me stay afloat. I had no idea I was about to fall in love.

From day one of caring for APL, my depression began to lift. It wasn’t so heavy. There was sunshine instead of dark clouds. Several months after starting, my daughter left to have my first grandson and chose not to return to work. So now I was the full-time care provider for this sweet boy.

I tell him God knew I needed him and sent me to this town so I could take care of him. He was 16 months old when I began and soon will be 6 and heading to first grade. Just like with my own kids, the time has flown.

While from time to time, my depression returns, it leaves quickly and is never as severe. Two more children have been added to my employer’s family and with it more joy.

I should have trusted God. He knew what he was doing the entire time.

Posted in life

Blue Haired Ladies

Posted on by Dede

Depending on how old you are, you might remember the ladies with blue hair. Typically they were older, had gray or silver hair and they used a hair rinse which was intended to enhance their hair color.

But it always seemed to turn their hair a light shade of blue. Sometimes the light had to be just right to see the blue, but it was there.

Now that I’ve decided to go to my natural color (silver, gray and white), I wanted to get a jump on the blue hair. I’ve had gray hair since my twenties, white hair beginning in my forties. Now in my late fifties, I’m gonna give the natural look a try.

So power to the blue haired ladies. I’m coming to join you.

Posted in life, Mail

Addiction to Amazon???

Posted on by Dede

Can a person be addicted to Amazon deliveries because I think I am. It’s so easy to sit and peruse Amazon while the boys are napping. And before I know it, I’ve made a purchase. Usually it’s nothing expensive. Almost always it’s a book.

But I have noticed when the delivery man makes a delivery, I’m a little let down when it’s not for me. I’m working on breaking this habit of the thrill I get when the package arrives.

Does anyone else have this problem or am I a lone wolf?

PS I don’t randomly order from other sites, nor do I go shopping much. It’s just Amazon.

Posted in God, life, Uncategorized

Second Chances

Posted on by Dede

God has taken my life down a path I never imagined. This path has been a very bumpy ride but it has brought me a deeper faith and given me an opportunity I never thought I would have.

As a young mother I did my best to be a good mom and make memories with my daughters. Of course as life teaches us hindsight is 20/20 and I can now look back and see many times I was too busy just to enjoy my daughters. So I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to God for bringing me to this place in my life.

I now work 50+ hours a week as a nanny but while I’m paid I don’t feel like a nanny. In fact that the oldest renamed me Mimi. The two boys I watch are like grandsons to me. (Top 2 photos). And to make this blessing even grander, my own daughter and son-in-law gave me a grandson in June. (Bottom photo). I get to spend my time with these three precious boys and I have the wisdom to know just to enjoy the moments and not stress out over little things. My life is overflowing with love.

I wouldn’t have picked or imagined this life for myself which is why I am so thankful God knows best because it’s been many years since I’ve been this happy and had this much peace.

Wishing you Joy and love this Christmas and every day in 2018.

Posted in depression

Unsure

Posted on by Dede

I haven’t been posting because as my anger and bitterness has lessened (most of the time), I find I’m not sure what to write.  I’ve used writing for so long to express my darkest feelings, now that I don’t feel so dark on the inside, it seems I don’t have much to say.

That alone bothers me. Who only has negative things to say and nothing positive or upbeat? Who goes through each day neither sad nor happy? Who has flat emotions? 

I’ve asked my doctor to wean off my anti-depressant because I think after being on it for four years, it has dulled my emotions. I don’t necessarily feel sad, but neither do I feel happy or joy. Even the birth of my first grandson feels flat and not as exciting or emotionally moving as I expected.

Does anyone else struggle with having no emotions?

Posted in book, books, depression, Uncategorized, Writing

Lists and Journals

Posted on by Dede


I am an addict. I love books and journals. Walking past a bookstore and not going in takes a tremendous amount of willpower. I’ve learned to use the library to save money but sometimes you just have to give in. I ordered #52happylists and #52listsprojects by @mooreaseal #mooreaseal because I have struggled with the idea I can be happy again.

I know it’s just a matter of refocusing but having my supportive friends living thousands of miles away has made it difficult. I’ve wandered and not been able to stay hopeful that my life will change for the better. I know if you read my blog, you understand how depressed I’ve been.

I read about the The 52 lists for Happiness on a Psychology Twitter feed and thought why not. I ordered them on #amazon and as a #amazonprime member, I paid no shipping costs. The challenge now is to stay on task and fill out each list so hope and happiness return. Thanks #sasquatchbooks for publishing them.

Posted in depression, divorce, Experience, fear, help, questions

Barrier

Posted on by Dede

Barrier

An impediment to moving forward. Why do I feel it’s not possible to be happy and relaxed? Is it because I believe I don’t deserve to be happy? Am I not worthy of happiness? Is it I don’t know what happiness is so I don’t recognize it? I know I’ve felt and experienced happiness before but now, for the past several years beginning in 2009, my ability to be happy has eluded me.

I see other people. I can feel their joy. I can sense their satisfaction with life. They are relaxed and have fun. I feel wound up so tightly that it’s impossible to move for fear I’ll break or snap. 

Is there a secret? A secret to letting go of the worry, always worried what people think of me? A secret to just enjoy the moment? I know I’ve missed so much since 2009. Time we can never reclaim. I don’t want to waste anymore moments which could possible hold joy and happiness.

Posted in choices, Experience, life, Uncategorized

Solution 

Posted on by Dede

The first step in finding a solution is to identify the problem. I’ve identified the problem: fear of being happy and enjoying myself. I can see it so clearly now when I look at photos. Somewhere along the way, I accepted there was a barrier keeping me from happiness and the ability to just enjoy life.

I accepted I was someone who wasn’t meant to have fun, enjoy my life and just relax and live in the moment. Oh I’m sure with enough time, money and therapy an expert could tell me why I believe such a lie. I don’t care why, but I do want a solution.

Does anyone else suffer from this same problem? Does anyone else feel like they are on the outside looking in? Does anyone else hold back from truly living for fear of being judged or ridiculed? Have you found a solution? If so, I’d love hear how you broke through. I don’t want to waste another day on the outside looking in. 

Posted in book, books, characters, choices, Uncategorized

Demelza

Posted on by Dede

     You are probably wondering who is Demelza and why would I want to live like her? She is a wonderful character created by Winston Graham. A poor miner’s daughter living in an abusive, desperately poor home, she is swept into a new world when she is brought home with Ross Poldark to work as a house servant in England post American Revolution.

     Now am I saying I want to work as a servant. The answer is no. But Demelza has a love of life, a roll up your sleeves and get to work, I am blessed view of life. No matter what tragedy she faces, even when she makes her own mistakes, she quickly rebounds.

   I am going to quote the book in this my first blog post. Now married to Ross, Demelza has just lost their young daughter to a morbid throat disease and she herself has almost lost her own life to the same. A feud is broiling between Ross and his cousin, Francis who married Ross’s sweetheart, Elizabeth. And to complicate matters more, Demelza caught the disease while nursing Elizabeth, Francis and their young son. They all survived but precious Julia was lost. Now if I had been in that situation I would have had Ross’s attitude, an attitude of anger, sadness, overwhelming hopelessness and a desire for revenge. However Demelza ends the book with the following:

     “When something happens,” she said, “like what has just happened to us, it makes all our quarrels seem small and mean, as if we were quarreling when we hadn’t the right. Didn’t we ought to find all the friendship we can?”

For me the simple substitution of happiness in the place of friendship and disappointments for quarreling makes it applicable to my life and my divorce.

     When something happens, like what has just happened to me, it makes all my disappointments seem small and mean, as if I was disappointed when I hadn’t the right. Shouldn’t I ought to find all the happiness I can?

Posted in Experience, life, love, Uncategorized

Bringing joy to many

Posted on by Dede


My daughter recently portrayed Mary Poppins (The Musical) at Vive les Arts in Killeen, TX. A long running community theater (40 yrs) it provides the opportunity for both artists and theater lovers to enjoy shows locally. The show was a huge success selling out for all six shows. They went through 4,000 playbill programs.

My daughter has dreamed of performing on Broadway since she was a very young girl. While she still pursues her dream, life currently has placed her in central Texas, so Broadway has to wait. I told her today performing on Broadway would be wonderful but the gift she gives to people who will probably never have the opportunity to see a show in New York can not be measured. In a world where we’ve been inundated by violence, to see people clapping in time, cheering, laughing and leaving the theater happy and singing is priceless. 

Mary Poppins and her spoonful of sugar, anything is possible if you let it, and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious attitude is exactly the dose of medicine we need right now. So hats off to all those involved in community theater (the actors, musicians, techies, ensemble members, director, costumes, volunteers) and their timeless commitment to opening our world to new and wonderful experiences.