Posted in depression, divorce, Experience, Uncategorized

Where are the Resources

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I have found resources if you are a woman who has been beaten by your husband and living in a shelter. I have found resources for drug addicts, alcohols, sexual predators, people with anger management issues and resources for those who have been employed and now find themselves unemployed. AARP boasts on national television how they can help you “Re-imagine your Life.” The problem is AARP makes the assumption you have been an employed adult for most of your life and now you want to pursue a passion rather than just a way to pay to the bills and keep a roof over your head.

Where are the resources for women over 50 who stayed home with their children only to be thrown in the trash by their self-centered, egomaniac husbands who believe a younger woman will keep them from aging. (The irony is the younger the woman, the older he actually looks.) I’ve hunted. I’ve searched. I have had no luck. Because I am a college educated woman who chose to give 30 years of her life to her family, I don’t qualify. Everyone makes the assumption a college degree is the answer. They are wrong.

If I hear one more time, “Oh you are so smart and have so much to offer, I think I’ll puck on the spot. Clearly whatever it is I have to offer, no one is hiring. And no service organization wants to help because I don’t fit their “demographic”. So like many other women who gave their life to their family, I will in 8 weeks find myself homeless. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke and I don’t do drugs. I am college educated but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter at all.

 

Posted in Blogging, choices, communication, daily prompt, daughters, family, love, Uncategorized

Unexpected Visitors

10 pm: Bedtime

Toss and turn unable to get comfortable but my time was coming and I only had to wait until morning.

6 am: The alarm rings. I am awake because I never really fell asleep. I shake my husband out of his dreams and tell him we are due to arrive no later than 7 am.

6:15 am: A quick shower, get dressed, check my bag and tell my husband it is almost time to leave.

6:30 am: I call my parents and let them know we are leaving soon and to check on my daughter. She is still sound asleep.

6:40 am: It is still dark outside since it is a July day. The heat is stifling even at this hour. Though freshly showered, I can feel the sweat begin to bead and roll down my neck. I should have brought something to pull my hair back.

6:45 am: We leave for the short 15 minute drive.

7:00 am: I am dropped off and taken by wheelchair upstairs. My husband joins me as soon as he parks.

7:15 am: All checked in, ready to go but still apprehensive. This is my second time and just like last time I didn’t begin on my own. I needed help.

7:30 am: Dr. gives me a visit. Checks the pitocin drip. Contractions have begun. The Dr. guesses the baby will weigh between 7 and 8 pounds.

10:00 am: I ask for a pain reliever. Nurse gives me something but fails to tell me it is short term and won’t last more than 15 minutes.

10:15 am: Nurse suggests I make a bathroom run because she thinks it will be a long day.

10:30 am: Return to bed and tell nurse I need to push. She says there is no way because I wasn’t ready. I disagreed with her and said I NEED to push. Asked for more painkiller and was told it was too late.

11:05 am: Beautiful baby girl is born and I hear a round of applause. Putting my glasses on I realize there is a sea of faces in the birthing room. It was student nurse day and they just “happened” to stop in. Dr. guesses my new daughter weighs 9 lbs 13 oz. Official weight 10 lbs. Very good guess.

*** Lesson learned and shared with all mothers-to-be: If you do not want unexpected visitors in the birthing room, when you take your hospital tour and fill out paperwork ask if it is a teaching hospital and you want to specify you do not want students in your room. Every mother-to-be has been so happy I shared from my experience.

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Posted in Uncategorized

“There’s such a lot of different Annes in me”

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“There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The quote on my homepage is a L.M. Montgomery quote from Anne of Green Gables. I always identified so much with Anne. While I was not an orphan, I never did feel that I quite fit in anywhere. My own mother has told me all of my life that I was difficult when I was young, she didn’t know what to do. So she had to take me to see a psychologist. Now I don’t know what could possibly make a 5-year-old so difficult, her mother would feel the need to take her to a psychologist and the need to remind her over and over again.

Anne always had trouble holding her tongue. She would speak without thinking and it would get her in trouble. She also had a way with words and many times could talk herself out of a situation. She loved to write. She loved Octobers. She loved reading and loved learning. Sometimes I think if I had red hair, I would change my name to Anne (with an e) Shirley.

I think most of us aren’t monotone and one dimensional people. We are multi-colored and three-dimensional. There are facets to our personalities that shine under different circumstances. And sometimes those facets need a lot of polishing before they truly shine.