Posted in poetry, words, writing101

Writing 101 Assignment: Media Inspiration

I have spoken too many times in my life without thinking about the damage my words would do. And sadly it is a learned behavior because hurtful words still resonate in my soul.

Speaking without thinking

Thinking without speaking

Hurtful words spewed

Venomous syllables

Cutting to the bone

Driving through the soul

Never to be undone

Collateral damage

Regret and sorrow

I want to eat my words

I want them back

I want to repair hearts

I want my soul healed

Posted in Blogging, Blogging101, blogging201, book, books, characters, choices, daily prompt, daughters, depression, divorce, Experience, Faith, family, fictional, forgiveness, friends, friendship, God, love, marriage, men, mistakes, New life, novels, people, questions, relationships, strong, Writing, writing lessons, writing101

Quote Writing 101

“We envy a man for something he has and yet the truth may be he hasn’t got it after all and we have.” Francis Poldark PBS
We live in a world where the message is what you have isn’t enough. We are taught we need to be ambitious, make more money, attain a higher status, just get more. But does stuff and more money make us happy? Does it make us envy our friends and neighbors more or less? Do we ever reach a point when we’ve reached the pinnacle of success and feel satisfied or are we on some endless road?

I think the character Francis Poldark from the Winston Graham book series Poldark’s worcs ring just as true now as when Mr. Graham wrote them and also when Francis was supposed to have said them in the late 1700s. People don’t change. Status whether it’s brought by money, a beautiful wife, a big house or a successful business is a temporary fix for what we all desire on a deeper level.

Things are temporary. Jobs are temporary. Relationships can be shallow. Money comes and goes. But what if while we are so busy acquiring and envying others we miss the joy we already have in our lives? Studies have proven money doesn’t make us happy. It makes us comfortable and offers security on one level. I understand how devastating it can be to lose financial security. I’ve lost all the financial security I had when I divorced. I understand how devastating job loss and loss of a relationship can be. I was married for 30 years only to be tossed aside. It hurt. It still does. I see my friends’ lives and the security they still have. I feel envious. I feel cheated. I feel angry that my ex could discard me and our daughters like yesterday’s trash.

But what I’ve realized is that if I spend my time envying the life I had, the lives of my friends then I cheat myself out of recognizing the blessings and joys that I have in my life now. I have close and loving relationships with my daughters and son-in-law. I’ve learned who my true friends are and that the appearance of happiness doesn’t mean they are happy. I have peace of mind. I no longer wonder in what new way my ex husband was going to betray me and hurt me. I’ve learned I’m strong.

So Francis is right. We’ve had it all along.

Posted in Blogging, Blogging101, choices, communication, daily prompt, Dreaming, Faith, fear, forgiveness, friends, God, Hiding, love, Moving, New life, people, questions, Uncategorized, Writing, writing101

A story in an Image Challenge #3

  
In the midst of the crowd

Are lives being lived

Hearts being broken

Dreams being realized 

Goodbyes being whispered

Hellos being shouted

Business being conducted 

Weariness being all encompassing

Love being healing

Seconds being stolen

Minutes being horded

Hours being occupied

Days being treasured

Time to embrace life being lost to the 

busyness of the day.

Posted in Blogging, Blogging101, choices, daughters, divorce, Dreaming, Experience, Faith, family, forgiveness, friends, friendship, God, help, love, mistakes, Moving, New life, people, questions, sons, Uncategorized, values, Writing, writing101

A Map as my Muse

Start in Kingsville, Texas on a long ago October 1st

 

Then 18 months later move to Oklahoma City to be near your mother’s family.

   Then a couple months after you turn 8, move to an entirely different place and suffer culture shock in the Twin Cities of Minnesota.
  
Learn to speak with a new accent and use different slang, learn to love snow but you stay there for a short time and when you are 11 and  finally fit in, you move to Denver,CO.

  
While you live there you go to 5 schools in 3 years and live a middle class life right smack in the center of the wealthy. It’s the first time you understand that some people have opportunities you’ll never have. You really never get settled. Then halfway through 9th grade at the age of 14 you move further west to Las Vegas, NV.

  
Now the above photo doesn’t represent what Las Vegas looked like when I moved there. It was a town of just 300,000 and not 2 million. You live a fairly normal life despite what people had predicted. You learn The Strip is the adult equivalent of Walt Disney World and if you lived in Orlando you wouldn’t go every weekend. You live here 8.5 years, go to high school, graduate college and then marry a man you barely know because you feel in your heart this will never be home. So you marry and move to Cedar Falls/Waterloo, IA.

  
You are surprised that you suffer from homesickness since Las Vegas never really felt like home. You have culture shock again. You adjust to the sub-zero temperatures after having lived in the desert. You’re disappointed that your new husband is totally so self-focused he doesn’t hear the sadness in your voice. You wonder if you made a mistake but you won’t admit it or accept failure. Then you get a job, get pregnant, and five days after you have your baby you move to Davenport, IA for your husband’s new job.

  
It’s known as the quad cities because two Iowa cities meet two Illinois cities at the shore of the grand Mississippi River. You know no one. Your husband travels and then leaves and goes to Texas for a new job a mere 8 months later. Alone you pack up and drive with your 11 month old to Irving, TX. 

  
You remember the awe you felt when you saw the Cowboy stadium. You remember the hope you had in your heart that here your husband would be more in tune with you and connect on a deeper emotional level. 1 year later you buy your first home in Lewisville, TX. Then 5 years later you buyer a bigger home for your expanded family of 4.

  
Again your heart is full of hope that now things will change. Life is full with love for your children, your friends but there is still a misconnect with your husband. You ignore the signs. You try to fix it. And you wonder where it is that you belong. Are you a misfit like your husband seems to believe? Is there a place for you? Would your husband ever love only you and be faithful? You are here for 28 years and build a life then your husband’s secrets become too much to bear and he leaves you. He doesn’t want to change or stop drinking or give up erotic massage parlors and prostitutes and porn and peeping tom activities. He finds a younger woman and pretends that his family doesn’t exist. Your daughters are grown. You are left alone and forced to start again. But where do you go? Where do you belong? You go to Austin, TX with no idea if this is the place but you try to find the hope for happiness that was lost so long ago.

  
Will Austin be the bridge to my future? Is there happiness on the other side? I don’t know. I’m still on the journey.