Day: May 12, 2016

That is a photo of a victorinox Swiss army knife. Approximately 130 years ago, Karl Eisener made the first Swiss army knife. Little has changed over the years. It provides you with the simple tools you need in everyday life and in a moment of need. Millions of people worldwide carry the little knife. It is an all-purpose tool. I wish there was an all purpose tool for dealing with everyday life and the challenges some of us face.

I won’t ramble on about the economic disparity in the world. I know it exists and I also know even in my current situation, I have it 1000% better than most people, at least the material sense of survival. But time and time again, some of the most economically successful countries don’t rank high on happiness tests. We’ve not had to face the simple question, how will I survive for so long, we lose focus. We chase after things which are temporary and will not last. Accumulations of wealth may make you comfortable, but it will never fill the void left in your heart.

I worry now about basic survival. Will I be able to pay my rent? Buy food? Afford healthcare? I also worry about the hole left in my heart. Will I ever find God again? Will someone ever love me again? Will I ever belong in a community again? My children believe my complaints about my lifestyle change and loss of material wealth is shallow. They don’t understand it is not the “things” I miss. I miss what those things represent safety, security, home, love and a life I built with a man who promised God and my own father he would take care of me until death do us part. He lied.

I am focused on survival. Focused on not letting my depression get the best of me. I am navigating an uncharted territory (for me) as a single, middle-aged woman who doesn’t like the idea of spending possibly 30 or 40 years alone. I want a life partner. I am trying to find a way to financially support myself. Every day right now is a survival test for me and I understand I am lucky these are my problems because there are far more serious survival challenges in the world faced daily by people just like me.

But you have to admit, wouldn’t it be nice to have a tool, like the victorinox Swiss Army knife for life.

Daily Prompt: Survival