Posted in life

No idea

How to make friends when you’re over 65

I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.

My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.

I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.

I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.

I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.

The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.

This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.

Is anyone else out there in my situation?

Posted in Blogging, book, characters, daily prompt, Dreaming, Experience, Fun, Learning, life

So Many Different Me

What’s a quote that perfectly describes your outlook on life?

There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.

L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables (Anne of Green Gables, #1)

I have always identified with Anne Shirley. She isn’t like everyone else who accepts things as they are. She has many versions of herself. It’s not because she changes to fit in. I believe it’s because each new discovery changes her.

And that is what I believe my life has been like. I remember after I married, my mom would say things like, “I didn’t know you liked …..” It wasn’t a bad thing to say. It was only an observation about how I had changed.

I continue to change, even at 66. And to be honest some people find this troublesome. People like things to stay the same. It’s comfortable for them. But for me staying the same means being stagnant.

I am always making an effort to learn something new. I still work on learning a foreign language. I try new recipes, new places to eat, new experiences to have like making my own soda. The world is full of simple and spectacular lessons to learn.

Love of learning does that to a person. The more you experience and the more you learn, it’s impossible to stay the same.

Posted in life

Wish for all

What is your favorite quote?

“Blemishes on the beauty of a person one loves are like grace notes adding something to a piece of music.”

— Winston Graham

We live in a society that promotes and expects perfection in body and face, especially in women. Botox, plastic surgery, laser treatments, fillers, lip fillers, GLP-1, diets, exercise etc.

But is perfection something we should strive for? If we erase wrinkles, stretch marks, if we were all the same size, lips all overfilled so we look like ducks, faces pulled, frozen faces, mommy makeovers would that be better?

A grace note is a type of musical ornamentation that is usually printed smaller than regular notes and serves as a brief embellishment before a principal note.

And imperfections are the grace notes for us. God made us each unique and original. No one should look the same. We should embrace the fact we are different. We should embrace aging and not erase our life with treatments.

I struggle with aging and sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I tried Botox post divorce. I was 53 and didn’t want to look old but I need to remember Growing old is a privilege not everyone gets. Embrace our difference and embrace aging.

**Quote from the Poldark book series book 5 the Black Moon. Ross is speaking to his wife Demelza.

Posted in life

Demelza Carne Poldark

If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who would it be?

I would have dinner with Demelza Carne Poldark. She is my favorite character from all the books I have read and I am an avid reader.

She is beautiful but most importantly she is strong, stands up for herself, is eager to learn, compassionate, kind and forgiving.

When she holds no ill will against Francis, Ross’s cousin, for destroying their business and making them practically destitute, and goes to their home to care for them when everyone in town is ill with the putrid throat, that is forgiveness at its best.

Demelza gets ill, almost dies and her daughter does dies but again she holds no resentment. I find that is miraculous.

I love her.

Posted in life

Born with Desire

What’s a movie or book that inspired you to travel?

I don’t remember ever having a moment in my life that I didn’t have a desire to travel. As I’ve said before I took one of those 13 countries and six week bus trips when I was in college.

I have read books that have inspired me to travel to certain places. I read a series of books about a Norwegian family that settled in the Dakotas back in the 1800s and wanted to go to Norway. Bruno chief of police series by Martin Walker inspired me to go to the Perigord region of France.

I read the Outlander books and that inspired me to go to Scotland.

I personally just love to travel, and I love to travel to places that are rich in history.

Posted in life

Not just one

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

More than one place would be my answer. I’d like to live near my daughters, one in PA and one in Southern CA. I’d also like to have a place in the Dordogne region of France. From there I could easily explore Europe and improve my language skills.

With retirement available to me at anytime beginning in August, I’ve begun to think about what will I do.

I only came to one conclusion. I don’t think even after 10 years in this town, I’ll feel its home. Home is where your heart is and clearly mine is in PA and CA.

Posted in life

Parents know everything

What’s something you used to believe as a kid that seems ridiculous now?

As I child I believed my parents had all the answers to any question I asked. And if you ask my mother she will tell you I asked millions of questions. She will tell also you she couldn’t answer most of them, because I was an exceptionally inquisitive child.

I was an adult before I realized my parents didn’t have all the answers. How did I come to this realization? I had extraordinary daughters who asked many questions and I was positive I didn’t have all the answers.

In one way it’s a disappointment to realize your parents aren’t perfect but it’s also a relief because you no longer have to strive to be perfect.

Posted in life

Unoriginal Change to a A Book

If you could change the ending of any book, which one would it be?

I think my answer is probably unoriginal. I read Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell when I was 16 years old. I had little perspective on life, so my focus was on the love story and not the sin and shame of slavery.

I would have Rhett turn around and return to Scarlett. Her heart longed to be loved and only Rhett could love her the way she needed to be loved. And in turn Rhett longed to be loved too and Scarlett was the only woman who could love him completely.

As I said unoriginal answer but it’s simple. Doesn’t everyone want a happy ending?

Posted in life

Happiness

What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?

I heard once happiness is based on happenings, so it is always contingent on what is going on in your life. If you have difficult days then happiness suffers. And if you have a difficult year then happiness is fleeting.

However joy is based on deeper things, most importantly your relationship with Christ. Because while your circumstances may change, God never changes. You know you are not alone and will never be alone.

I’ll admit I have first hand knowledge of basing happiness on your circumstances. If you never have struggles or heartaches or sad days then keep basing happiness on the happenings in your life. But if you are like the rest of us and have difficult days, or weeks, or months, or years, it’s imperative you find your source of joy.

I let my divorce steal 4 years of my life that I can never get back. All I could see was how much my life has changed, focusing only on the negative aspects. Then one day my heart was introduced to a very little boy and everything began to change.

I realized I had never been alone. The Lord had a plan all along for me and for my greater joy. I had only been focusing on insignificant and transient things while He was focused on eternity.

Now I base my happiness on the never changing, always loving Lord, knowing He will always be with me in hard times and good times. It’s my job to trust and joy will come. And joy is deeper and more satisfying than unpredictable happiness.

Posted in life

That’s Easy

What’s a cultural tradition from another country that you wish existed in yours?

The ability to leave work and worries behind like they do in France. They truly have a joie de vivre that has been lost in the USA. It’s all about money, competition, looks, staying young and so many more things here.

I want to leave all of that behind and embrace life.

Posted in life

So many

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

I read between 50 and 75 books a year, more than most but less than many. The books that have had the greatest impact on me this year are:

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi. A must read for anyone who wants a tale of kindness, forgiveness and how both can change you and the recipient.

The List of My Desires by Grégorie Delacourt. What if your dreams could come true because you won the lottery? Would it make it better or worse? What are your real values? Will they change? Will your family change? Can they be trusted? Will you be happier?

Echo Mountain by Lauren Wolk. A tale of the depression and what happens when your life changes. A comfortable life to living on a mountain, struggling to get by. The people who relocated there speak of a witch and stay away from her. Do we judge people before we meet them? Can we let go of the past and embrace the unexpected future?

All these books made me reexamine my own life and the way I think and live.

With no shame I admit I am a reading addict.

Posted in life

1001

What jobs have you had?

My first job like many girls was babysitting. I was 11 and made .50 cents an hour. By the time I was 13, I was making .75 cents/hour and before I was 14, it was $1.00/hour.

Between my junior and senior year of high school at the age of 16, I had my first “real” job. I was hired at Broadway Department store. I made $2.75/ hour. That was 50 years ago and the store has long since vanished. However it was the nicest department store in Las Vegas at the time and at the only mall in town.

As a freshman in college I was hired at an upscale children’s boutique owned by my billiards professor and his wife. I was making $3.25/hour plus if we sold $2070 on one day we each received a $20 bonus. We could easily reach that goal everyday in the summer. The store’s original location was at the MGM Grand Hotel. The original one which had a tragic fire and was located at Flamingo and the Strip. I helped open the location at Caesar’s Palace’s newly open shopping area. I met Patrick Duffy. He was the Man from Atlantis at the time and subsequently Bobby Ewing in Dallas. I helped Sammy Davis Jr. I met Tina Sinatra. And my most memorable day was when an old man, dressed in scruffy jeans and t-shirt with long hair in a ponytail walked in with a statuesque blonde.

She began shopping and purchased many expensive things. I don’t remember the exact amount but I know it exceeded $2,000. That would be over $8,000 in today’s money. I had no idea who they were until he returned to the store and handed me an American Express Credit card. It was exactly like the commercial. I looked at the card and recognized the name. There was no electronic approval back then. $2,000 was the store’s limit so I had to call AMEX for approval.

The man on the phone asked the amount and name on the card, I said Willie Nelson. The man on the phone didn’t believe me. I had to convince him that the man himself was standing before me.

Now for those of you who are surprised I didn’t recognize Willie, remember I was 20 years old and didn’t listen to country music.

I left that job so I could make $5.00/hour at a brand new Sax Fifth Avenue. I helped stock and open that store. It is still there in the Fashion Show Mall on the strip.

I married and moved to Iowa. I became the assistant manager of a young adult female clothing store. Ended up leaving that job to be a mom.

So that began my career as cook, cleaning lady, chauffeur, healthcare provider, nursemaid, therapist, meal planner, money manager and more responsibilities that any one person should have.

During the time my girls were teenagers I worked part time at Kohls and substitute taught.

I earned my real estate license and began selling houses in 2006. I found myself divorced in Jan 2013. I kept selling real estate but wasn’t making enough to support myself. I eventually moved to the central Texas town where I remain to this day.

After 4 full years of earning very little money to no money, I was blessed with finding a job through my daughter as a nanny. Initially it was part time and in less than a year it went to full time. That was 10 years ago. My employers added two more children for a total of 3.

Funny thing is I am back doing much of what I did when I was a full time stay at home mother. The only difference is I get paid for my services now.

There are many things I would have liked to be but I’ve accepted my calling is to love and care for those around me.

Posted in life

Absolutely

Do you remember life before the internet?

I noticed everyone is mentioning their Generation name. I am a Generation Jones, 1955-1964.

I remember hours in the library researching for assignments, trying to find the books with the information I needed. I remember searching for books in the library to read for enjoyment.

I remember consulting a book on how to care for a baby. Books for self help, on health, on travel. There was an endless supply of information. And most of them had footnotes so you could check where the information had originated.

I remember calling my relatives and friends when I needed help and information. And in turn they would call me.

Today information and misinformation are at our fingertips. It can be difficult to discern which is which. Falsehoods are believed because they are on the internet. Which has damaged healthcare in the U.S. and also perception has been woefully skewed. We can stay in contact with long lost friends to the point we have no real people in our lives.

I do enjoying shopping online since I live in a town with few choices. I enjoy the ability to send snapshots and receive snapshots of the people I love. I love being able to find the information I need in a short time, but it’s not all good.

What I miss most are handwritten letters. We can send instant messages via phone or email. But every day I am sadden when I open my mailbox and see nothing but advertisements and there are no letters.

I miss the ability to leave the day’s work behind and not have it follow me home via the phone or computer.

It’s not possible to say if before or after the internet is better. They both have things to offer and I remind myself I can turn off my phone and computer.

Posted in life

Having it all

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!

As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.

And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.

Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.

Posted in daily prompt, divorce, Experience, fear, help, Learning, life, memories

Believe people

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

I have heard when people show you who they are, you need to believe them. I wish I had heard this years ago and taken it to heart.

Throughout my marriage my now ex-husband showed me who he was. He cheated but always promised he would stop. He used nasty pornography but when caught, always promised he’d stop. My daughter and I asked him to quit drinking. He said he didn’t have a problem. Her response was why do I find you passed out of the sofa? He was wanted by the police for illegal sexual behavior but always promised he’d never do it again. At the end he admitted to using prostitutes.

And even then I stayed almost another 3 years. My trusting heart always believed he would stop but he never did. He asked for the divorce not me. Crazy isn’t it when I think about it.

Six years into our marriage he admitted going to a live sex act club in Sydney, Australia. I wish I had acted then and left him. I stayed another 24 years. While my heart would have been sad it wouldn’t have been shattered by 30 years of mistreatment.

So when people show you who they are, believe them!!

Posted in life

A Little bit of France

What is your favorite restaurant?

If you’ve read any of my blog posts you know I have a love of France and the French lifestyle. Food, family, friends all come before work. It’s completely the opposite of the American lifestyle where work comes before anything and anyone.

Years ago I found St. Emilion in Fort Worth. It is a very small restaurant and reservations are needed. From the moment you arrive you are transported out of Texas.

From the menu board, wonderful selection of wine, the delicious food and the unhurried service creates an atmosphere unlike most restaurants in the U.S.

I never felt rushed to finish my meal. Service was attentive but not intrusive. There never was the feeling of we must hurry so someone else can have our table. It was a special time I’ve held on to for years.

Someday I hope to return and dine at St. Émilion.

https://saint-emilionrestaurant.com/

Posted in life

Delivery and Pickup

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

I work for doctors as their nanny. They had to continue to work during the pandemic. My schedule didn’t change. I show up at 7:15 and stay until 5:30. Preschool was cancelled so I had the boys all day. They are sweet most of the time and fun to be around. It kept what could have been a very lonely time from being so lonely. We didn’t wear masks together since they were so young. Their mom would come in and shower in the back room, changing her clothes as not to bring Covid in the house because she had patients who would come in despite knowing they had Covid putting her, the entire staff and all their families at risk. The dad contacted a mild case of Covid early on but had to quarantine for 3 weeks. None of us caught it.

I was unable to go and see my mother who was 83 at the time. I went over 2 years without seeing her. I did risk getting sick to go see my daughters, SIL and grandkids at Christmas. The thought of being alone over Christmas was too much to bear. I did wear a mask if I had to get out.

I stopped going grocery shopping which I didn’t do often anyway. When I was suffering from severe depression I had switched to pickup and I just did pickup all the time during covid.

While life changed dramatically for a lot of people, my life changed very little. I think I may have had covid the end of February 2020 but nothing had been said about it at that time. Since then I have never contracted covid.

The pandemic brought out the worst of people. They became ruder, pushier and greedy. People hoarded basic necessities because they would never dream of doing without or with less.

It has made me aware of how unprepared we are as a nation and how unprepared I am as an individual for another pandemic. The Trump administration handled it so poorly and lies were spread, so normally intelligent people were duped into believing falsehoods, just like they believe the lies about vaccines now. My friend’s young adult brother died because they refused the vaccination, believing the lies.

I pray there is not another pandemic in my lifetime, my children’s lifetime and my grandchildren’s lifetime but I know that is unlikely.

Posted in life

Monsieur Guiberteau

Who was your most influential teacher? Why?

I took French in Middle School. I chose French because I wanted to be different from my friends.

He was such a wonderful educator. He loved teaching and he hoped we would love his homeland France as much as he did.

He pushed us. He demanded a lot from us but I left those two years madly in love with the French language. And while I am not fluent, I still study it everyday.

Posted in life

Uncommon Choices

What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times?

I don’t watch regular network TV or even standard streaming television. I watch a lot of foreign films and TV shows.

A Walk in the Clouds

My most romantic film

Ragnarok tv series

Norwegian retelling of the Nordic Gods story.

Jesus Christ Superstar

Saw it when I was 13. I’ve watched it every Easter since I bought in on DVD.

Toy Story-Need I say more?

I am certain there must be more but these are the ones which stand out for me. A romance, a myth, rock opera and timeless children’s tale.

Posted in life

Well Done

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.

Dede,

Well done. You have a good life. 100 years is a milestone but it is not necessarily the end. I know you and expect that you have plans for the future.

Your love of learning has always been one of your strongest characteristics. What are you learning now?

Your heart is full of love for your daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and your new great-grandchildren. You’ve left a legacy of God loving family members. They love you and love to learn as you do.

When the time comes to say goodbye to this world and see God face to face you can be comforted knowing He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

*photo of my great grandmother