Posted in choices, depression, divorce, Faith, family, Jesus, Uncategorized

In the Minutia

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The above photo is a moth. Now when I find a moth in my apartment, my cat hunts it down until it is caught. I never think about the possibility the moth may be beautiful because I don’t look at it under a microscope seeking the intricate details. As I continue this journey, this transition I have come to understand while I have faith in God, because He didn’t answer yes to my prayer for the big picture of life, I haven’t been able to see Him at work in the minute details of my life.

I spent so many years believing God would come to my aid and save my marriage, heal my husband that when He didn’t, I lost hope. I don’t know if my faith was weaker than I believed it to be or if the sadness of heartbreak of the situation blinded me to the point I couldn’t see God in the midst of the heartache. With some time for retrospection, I know it’s the second. I was hammered so hard, I lost my ability to see God at work in the midst of losing the life I loved.

My children are patient with me. They understand all which was lost. They realized long before I did, their dad wasn’t really a father. He was nothing more than a sperm donor. He has no conscience, no heart, no ability to feel empathy. His world is his own and he turns his back on those of us who love him, because it is easier to pretend he has a perfect life. Sadly it is a perfectly false life, created by Satan to make him feel better. While I may have suffered, cried, been in the depths of depression, I have managed with the love of my children to see slowly learn God in the midst of this mess.

I can’t say I see God everyday. I don’t always seem Him in the minutia. Most days I have to give 110% to see Him working in my life. But day by day, with the prayers of family, friends and my blog friends, each day gets better. It might be two steps forward, one step back, but it is still progress.

Posted in daughters, Faith, family, God, love, Uncategorized

When your world changes 


I know I’ve done a lot of moaning and groaning on my blog but today I would like to give thanks for the first of the two greatest gifts God has ever given me. My first child was born 32 years ago today. Like all parents I wonder where the years have gone. Shouldn’t I be the young woman with life ahead of me? She has given me immeasurable joy, support, compassion, and love. She’s had enduring faith in my ability to get better. Her faith in God is profound and she has wisdom beyond her years. God gifted her with a beautiful voice, a tender heart and a magnificent, loving and Godly husband.

She changed my life for the better and I have never been more thankful for her presence in my life. I love you dear sweet baby girl.

Posted in Blogging, choices, divorce, Dreaming, Experience, Faith, friends, friendship, help, love, movie, New life, Uncategorized, WordPress, Writing, Writing 201, writing lessons

Living Life as just One

 

Living Life as 1

Yesterday I received a survey from Austin Trail of Lights asking me about my experience. There was one question asking who I came with and how many people there were. They had one HUGE error. There was no selection for anyone who might have gone alone. It was assumed that to go you wouldn’t go alone.

I find this mentality is pervasive in our society. Even when you go online to book a room at a hotel, it is automatically set to 2 people. Restaurant hosts look at you odd when you say just 1. The movie ticket booth isn’t any different. I’ve taken to buying my tickets online to avoid the odd stare.

There is a difference between being alone and lonely. I was lonely when I was married. Even though someone shared my bed, my home, my life it was hollow and empty. I wasn’t alone but I was desperately lonely. I don’t mind going places alone. I have traveled alone because I didn’t want to wait to see places and experience new things. That being said, I do get lonely. It’s not easy making friends especially at this age. I have no home which means no neighbors. I have no children in school so no classmate parents. I don’t have a spouse’s co-workers or a job of my own with co-workers. Churches aren’t generally friendly places. I know they like to think differently but typically there is nothing more than a nod or a quick handshake. Very few are willing to go the extra mile and reach out.

I pray I don’t spend the rest of my life alone but I can guarantee you either way I won’t be lonely.

Posted in Blogging, book, books, characters, communication, Dreaming, Experience, favorite, friends, New life, novels, Uncategorized, Writing, writing lessons

Saying goodbye to a good book

Why do I always feel a little sad when I finish a good book? I should be happy to be finished and ready to move on to the next good read but unless it’s a sequel I never feel that way.

A good author can make the characters seem real. I become involved in their lives, sorrows and joys. Time, life situation and age are immaterial. I connect as much with a thirty year old single female trying to make it in New York City as much as I do with an angry Englishman in 1779. Then there is the love longing Mexican girl and the post World War II single, female author seeking the place she belongs, so different but I identify with both.

I wonder what happened to the newly divorced woman who gave herself and her soon to be ex husband a divorce party in a failed effort to save her marriage. Did she find love again? Or what about Demelza? Does she become a grandmother and Ross a grandfather? Did the abused wife heal her heart and soul once she was free?

I can go places I will never see and meet people from the beginning of time to present day and even people from the future.  I wonder could I possibly write about and share a story, a world and people? I just know my life would be one dimensional and gray without books.

Posted in Blogging, book, books, characters, choices, daughters, Dreaming, Experience, family, fictional, love, marriage, mistakes, novels, Uncategorized, women, WordPress

Like Water for Chocolate

I read this book years ago and then watched the movie. I needed a third foreign language film to fulfill the Experience Passport task. I decided to see if I could find this movie and lucky me, it was available on Amazon Prime.

It is an interesting love story between the youngest daughter of a traditional family and a young man. Tita is forbidden by her mother to marry Pedro because as the youngest daughter she is required to stay unmarried and care for her mother until she dies. In order to stay near Tita, Pedro marries her sister. Of course she is broken-hearted.

She puts all her emotions into her cooking and in turn the food is filled with her emotions. The diners are affected by some mystical connection to Tita’s emotions. Strange things happen. Some sad, some funny.

In today’s busy world I think we often times forget the power of food. The power that a homecooked meal shared with family and/or friends can hold. It offers a chance for conversation and connection. Real connection and not a quick text message. I even have fallen into the trap of texting rather than actually picking up a telephone. Being in the midst of a major life change, I think the lesson I can learn from Like Water for Chocolate is that it’s important never to give up on family and love.

Posted in Blogging101, choices, communication, daughters, family, fear, friends, God, love, mistakes, New life, people, relationships, Uncategorized, vacation, words, Writing

Lessons to Unlearn #1

  
I believe we are all aware that we learn lessons as we go through life. Some are obvious like; look both ways before crossing the street or foul language is not appropriate. But what about all of the lessons we learn unknowingly through our interactions with the people around us? For me lesson #1 to unlearn is:

Compliments people give you are never really genuine and can not be trusted to be true.

Growing up I don’t remember a time when I received a compliment that someone in my circle of family or friends didn’t find someway to discount what was said. If someone told me I was pretty and I shared that, I didn’t hear; I think so too or they are right or how lovely. I heard; well you could look like a monkey for all I know but I’d still love you. What does a child hear? The compliments can’t be trusted. I could give many examples but the point is I was taught to close myself off from any positive comments. I learned people don’t give genuine heartfelt comments and when I receive nice words, I should immediately disregard them.

How has this affected me? I have closed myself off from letting people love me. I’ve filtered out all the nice comments and have only let the criticism come through. No wonder I am so self criticial and struggle with believing in myself.

So for 2016, the first lesson I am going to teach myself is this;

Compliments given from people are genuine and can be trusted to be true.

Posted in choices, daily prompt, divorce, Experience, Faith, family, Jesus, love, marriage, men, mistakes, relationships, weddings, WordPress, Writing 201

Writing 201 Fallacy

  

 Forsaking all others until death do us part

A lifetime of care and support

You stand by my side forgiving me my faults

The mother of my children

My faithful wife

An understanding friend

A loving daughter-in-law

Lover of God, follower of Jesus, community volunteer

A sensual and eager lover

Beautiful body

Beautiful soul

I will love you forever 

The joke is on you, I cheated, I bought sex, I denied, I walked away and left you alone and financially destitute. I betrayed our family. I broke my daughters’ hearts. I left them behind and chose not to be their father. I stood before God and lied. Lied, lied, lied. I am Doug and I am a fallacy personified.

Posted in Experience, Faith, family, Fun, games, God, New life, relationships, Uncategorized, values, WordPress

Presents or Presence?

 


No, I didn’t misspell presence. I never thought about the fact that presents and presence are homophones. Two words with different spellings and meanings but pronounced the same way. I think there is significance in this discovery. Why? Because now at Christmas it is so easy to get focused on presents. I won’t lie. I love buying and giving gifts. To see the joy and excitement on my loved ones’ faces brings me such joy. But if I asked them to tell me what they got for Christmas last year they might be able to name one or two things but if I ask them what we did, I am certain they would remember.

Our shared worship experience, our shared Christmas Eve, our shared Christmas Day meal, opening presents together, a movie or games played, the funny family selfie, those are the things we remember. It is our presence together which makes the holiday memorable, not the gifts. Our celebration has undergone a change these last 3 years and it would be easy to focus on who was missing, but we have chosen to focus on who is present and the presence of Jesus. He is the focus of our Christmas.

It is His presence in our lives that adds a fullness and richness which no amount of presents could match. We may not have a perfect family or a perfect home but we have a perfect little baby, Jesus who isthe son of God andthe Prince of Peace. He came to save the world. He came to save me and you.

Merry Christmas and may 2016 find your life full of blessings and peace.

Posted in daily prompt, Faith, family, love, marriage, poetry

Magic Poetry 101

  
A serendipitous meeting

Brought about by a cloudy day

A moment caught but once in a lifetime

A lifetime caught in that moment

Enchanted

Spellbound by a kiss

Hearts intertwined

Lives slowly braided together one experience at a time

Strands of love added one child at a time

Life is magic

Simple moments linked together by the magic of love

The magic of life

Posted in books, communication, daily prompt, Dreaming, letters, sweepstakes, vacation, Writing

Sweepstakes

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   Do you ever get lost in a daydream? Wonder what it would be like to travel to faraway destinations. Do you look at photos from around the world on Instagram? I do. I love the window into lives around the world. I also love to write letters. There is something so personal and intimate about letters. While they may not be immediate communication, they are something which can express who you are and how you feel so much better than a text or email. When I receive a handwritten card or letter in my mail, it brightens my day. So I am going to help you by giving away a set of three 5 x 7 notecards and two postcards by Hunter and Hobbs valued at $20. Photos taken in Switzerland and France.

To enter: Click the link and follow the simple directions to enter. Additional entries are available by following the directions. Good Luck!

Hunter and Hobbs Sweepstakes

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