What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!
As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.
And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.
Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.
Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.
As I have said before, I suffered from deep depression post divorce. I tried various counselors but they all put the blame for my depression on me. They said it was the way I thought. They never acknowledged how I had been treated.
Then through a groups counseling program I met Jesse. He was getting his masters in Social worker and needed so many hours of working as a counselor. My budget was very tight because I had been without a job for 3 years. Since he was working under the guidance of a licensed Social Worker, he couldn’t charge me. I could pay him any amount I could afford.
He was the first and only therapist that acknowledged I had been emotional abused. Jess also told me in a very straight forward manor, it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and I had every right to be angry and sad and depressed.
That is when I started to heal. Being acknowledged, having your feelings acknowledged validated me. He didn’t allow me to wallow in self pity but knowing my hurt and sadness was okay made all the difference.
I’ve been battling allergy induced asthma since December. Most will say pollen allergies are not around in the winter. That’s true unless you live near cedar trees. Cedar trees are the only trees that pollinate in the winter. Here in central Texas cedar is everywhere.
Sadly that means I haven’t been productive. Thankfully I’m finally getting a maintenance inhaler which should help a great deal because my list is long of things I want to do and things I need to do.
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I have heard when people show you who they are, you need to believe them. I wish I had heard this years ago and taken it to heart.
Throughout my marriage my now ex-husband showed me who he was. He cheated but always promised he would stop. He used nasty pornography but when caught, always promised he’d stop. My daughter and I asked him to quit drinking. He said he didn’t have a problem. Her response was why do I find you passed out of the sofa? He was wanted by the police for illegal sexual behavior but always promised he’d never do it again. At the end he admitted to using prostitutes.
And even then I stayed almost another 3 years. My trusting heart always believed he would stop but he never did. He asked for the divorce not me. Crazy isn’t it when I think about it.
Six years into our marriage he admitted going to a live sex act club in Sydney, Australia. I wish I had acted then and left him. I stayed another 24 years. While my heart would have been sad it wouldn’t have been shattered by 30 years of mistreatment.
So when people show you who they are, believe them!!
If you’ve read any of my blog posts you know I have a love of France and the French lifestyle. Food, family, friends all come before work. It’s completely the opposite of the American lifestyle where work comes before anything and anyone.
Years ago I found St. Emilion in Fort Worth. It is a very small restaurant and reservations are needed. From the moment you arrive you are transported out of Texas.
From the menu board, wonderful selection of wine, the delicious food and the unhurried service creates an atmosphere unlike most restaurants in the U.S.
I never felt rushed to finish my meal. Service was attentive but not intrusive. There never was the feeling of we must hurry so someone else can have our table. It was a special time I’ve held on to for years.
How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?
I am a woman, one of the last reared with old fashioned ideas. Things like the man worked and the woman stayed home. The man managed his time and pursued his dreams. The woman gave up all of her time and gave up her dreams.
So no I don’t say no to things that interfere with my goals. In fact as sad as it is, I can’t remember ever having a goal beyond losing weight to please my ex-husband.
If anyone knows how to change the mindset of the 60s and 70s let me know.
In my former married life I knew a woman who had a lot confidence in herself. As far as she was concerned if there was a problem it was someone else’s fault. She wasn’t happy with her sex life and it was her husband’s fault. A daughter got caught smoking marijuana and it was not the daughter’s fault. The list could go on but she seriously believed and probably still believes she never makes a mistake, confident yes but not wise.
One of my daughters went to live in Europe for one year to work as an au pair. She discovered the mother of the children she had been looking after, had been searching my daughter’s computer. When my daughter discovered this, she said something to the woman, and it was agreed that my daughter would find another family to work for. I don’t remember exactly what happened with the woman but she decided to kick my daughter out before her start date with the new family. My daughter was put on the street with her things in suitcases and garbage bags. This was not an English speaking country. God had her in his hands and a friend of mine contacted a friend of hers who lived in the same city in Europe. This friend who had never met my daughter, went and picked her up and let her stay with her.
My daughter doesn’t necessarily think of herself as super confident person but she’s the bravest person I know. She didn’t come home. She went to work for another family and ended up having a fabulous experience.
So you may be confident, but not wise, and you may not feel confident but be brave.
If there were a biography about you, what would the title be?
The Olin Mills Portrait I won on Hollywood Squares.
Life on an unexpected Path
This is the title of my blog and certainly would be the title of a biography. Why? Because while some people live relatively uneventful lives, not boring lives or not good lives, just lives that head in one direction, my life has not been like that.
Moving from the south to the north and going to 5 schools in 2.5 years, going through culture shock was not pleasant. Then a move to the west was another adjustment. We were not poor but we lived in a very wealthy school district. My friend’s dad used to rent a private plane to fly them to Aspen to ski. We lived in a suburb of Denver. They had a maid and a giant house. Again I went to 5 schools in 2.5 years.
The final move of my adolescence was to Las Vegas. Again culture shock, so different from Denver. Hot and dry, slot machines at the grocery store, obviously different style of clothes, not a pair of hiking boots in school and kids from all sorts of different places made this again a difficult adjustment. Every time I struggled to make friends, only to have to make new ones all over again. Now making friends is so difficult.
It wasn’t all bad. I was Miss Teenage Nevada and competed in the National Pageant. Bob Hope was the emcee and it was on national tv. I had a cancer scare at 20. I worked full time while I went to college full time. Hollywood Squares started filming at The Rivera Hotel and my mother said to me, “You think you’re so smart, prove it. Go audition.” That was the summer of 1980. I got the call in December asking me to be a contestant. At this time Hollywood Squares gave away prizes and not cash. I played 3 games and won all 3 games. My opponent was Rick Presley from Corpus Christi, Texas. I also won the large prize package since I won the most games. In 1980 it was valued at $12,000. Today it would be valued at $47,000. I still have one of the prizes I won. That great high was followed by a broken heart.
Met my ex on a blind date and had a letter writing long distance courtship. Married after only 12 days of actually being together, followed by another move to Iowa and then one to Texas.
I won’t go on. I know millions of people have had more difficult lives but when you are in the middle of change or a challenge it can seem overwhelming. Maybe someday I’ll actually write an autobiography about how to survive and thrive when life gives you many detours.
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Top l to r 5 yrs – 22 yrs bottom l to r 65yrs – 46 yrs
Significant events always make me stop and I either take joy in what my life has been or I lament over what my life hasn’t been.
I often think of the song from the musical Rent, Seasons of Love. 525,600 minutes each year. They are deposited in our bank of time and once it’s spent there are no more deposits until Jan 1 of the following year. Once a moment has happened it is gone forever.
Seasons of Love is exactly how I view my life. The love of great-grandparents who shared their garden and help make many wonderful memories. The pain of leaving friends behind when your family moves. The love of a first boyfriend, a most exciting time, which holds such sweet memories. Followed by marriage and the happiness that immediately follows but doesn’t necessarily last.
The season of motherly love for your children. It’s best expressed by this “ having children is like watching your heart walk around in the world.”
Then the shift from a hands-on mother to a behind the scene mother to adult children. They don’t need you often but you’re always there if they do need you.
Then the heartbreak of the love you thought would last forever when it didn’t. Learning to love your new life and succeeding.
A son-in-law and grandkids arrive and love grows exponentially.
Introduce bonus grandkids and now my heart nearly fits inside my chest.
So my life is broken down into Seasons of Love.
And as I age, taking joy in one day is so important. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday is gone and won’t return. Today is the most important time.
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?
I’m actually not sure. I’ve spent the last 9.5 years caring for a family’s children so I’ve spent a lot of time playing games, reading stories, going to the library and park. We’ve visited most child friendly sites within an hour of where we live. We cook and bake cupcakes, cookies and other yummy things. We do art projects and nature projects.
So in a way my entire day has been spent doing leisurely things. With the kids in school full time and one going half days, I’ve struggled to find leisurely things to do. Mostly I read or write letters. I love getting snail mail. There is nothing better than holding a letter in your hand and reading the words of a loved one.
As the younger one approaches full time school, I’ll need to figure out how to fill my days.
Realizing a move was not financially possible, I decided to do updates to my home. While I had done some updates, my kitchen cabinets are in a bad way.
I took it upon myself to paint them a few years ago. At first they looked good but over time they became worn. I priced getting all new cabinets and counters. It was out of my price range. How do I update them without breaking the bank.?
I am getting new cabinet doors and having the bases and new doors painted. I’ll get a new updated look without spending $25,000 or more.
However I failed to realize I would need to remove every single thing from my kitchen. Now my kitchen isn’t large but it’s amazing how much stuff one can stash.
I do not do well in chaos. Some people thrive on it, but I need order. My daughter told me that when your space is a mess it can affect your brain and make your brain feel unsettled. So right now I’m living in a mess and it’s going to get worse as I haven’t even emptied all the cabinets.
What type of environment do you thrive in? An orderly space? A space which shows something is happening? Or an over the top mess full of creativity?
Everything should be completed by next weekend. Which means I know next weekend I’ll be spending my time putting everything back. Will it be like Christmas when you can never fit everything back into the boxes? I hope not.
Name an attraction or town close to home that you still haven’t got around to visiting.
Boerne, TX
I live in Central Texas. Nothing is close to home. Everywhere I look there are wide open spaces so I actually had to look at a map to find towns nearby. Boerne is 2.5 hours away so not near but also not far. It does sound like a fun weekend stop.
Attractions in Boerne, Texas
Natural Wonders
Cascade Caverns: Explore underground formations on a guided tour. The caverns feature unique wildlife and a gift shop.
Cave Without a Name: Known for stunning stalactites and stalagmites, this cave offers well-lit trails and is open year-round.
Cibolo Nature Center: A 100-acre area with diverse ecosystems and hiking trails. It hosts a weekly farmers market at Herff Farm.
Guadalupe River State Park: Offers activities like canoeing, fishing, and hiking along the riverfront.
Parks and Recreation
Boerne City Lake Park: A scenic area for fishing, picnicking, and hiking. Kayak rentals are available.
James Kiehl River Bend Park: Features trails and river access for outdoor activities.
Shopping and Dining
Main Street (Hill Country Mile): A charming shopping district with boutiques, antique shops, and eateries. Notable spots include the Dienger Trading Company for lunch and unique artisan shops.
Local Breweries: Enjoy craft beers at several breweries within walking distance on Main Street.
Cultural and Historical Sites
AgriCultural Museum and Arts Center: Showcases the history of agriculture in the region with various exhibits and events.
Old Jail Museum: Offers a glimpse into the local history and heritage.
These attractions provide a mix of outdoor adventure, shopping, and cultural experiences, making Boerne a delightful destination for visitors. tourtexas.com texastraveltalk.com
If I were to list what I could do differently it would be a never ending list because who lives a perfect life? Certainly not me.
My life, right now, is pretty good. I love my job. I make enough to support myself. I am making new friends and I’m getting more involved in church.
I had a major upheaval 13 years ago which followed many heartaches. It has taken me several years to find an even keel. Having experienced this life altering episode, change has been put on the back burner for me.
However with the advent of 2026, I’ve decided to step outside my comfort zone and begin by making small changes. There won’t be huge changes like moving to a different state or changing jobs, but small changes which will inspire me and encourage me to continue to grow.
The first change of 2026? The boys and I moved my living room furniture around. My living area is small and I thought there was only one option. Brainstorming, a new possibility was found. I love the new layout and while this is a small change, it does make my home feel refreshed.
So in 2026, there will be changes and some things will stay the same. Small refreshes for me.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
20 years ago
If you had asked me this question 10 years ago I’d say I thought about the past more. I was still hurting from my divorce. Rehashing all the wrong done to me and looking inward to figure out where I’d gone wrong, occupied most of my time. Fortunately one day, I realized this was getting me nowhere.
So began the time I hyper focused on the future. Would I ever own a home again? Would I ever find a job? I’d been unemployed for 3 years post divorce and was running out of money. Would I ever be happy again? Would I forever be alone again? Many questions plagued my mind. Then one day I realized just like focusing on the past, focusing on the future was getting me nowhere.
So I let the past go and gave the future to God. I began to focus on today, the here and now. While I can’t completely control today, I can organize and plan my life for that 24 hours. Only thinking about the right now, let’s me enjoy the moments, solve any problems that arise and continue to only plan the things I can control like spending, housework, time at work, time with friends etc.
Letting the past go and giving God the future has been a great thing.
I have been working on expanding my French skills. This means daily practice but unfortunately I don’t have anyone near me who speaks French. But alas, I will not be dissuaded from learning French as impractical as it may be in Texas.
This prompt made me realize I have not really learned anything new in quite awhile. I used to seek out new learning opportunities on a regular basis but for the last few years I’ve been remiss.
2026 will see a change in that. I don’t set new year resolutions but I can set goals. I like to break them down into steps. Organization and purging of no longer needed items is at the top of my list. Once this is done I can learn new sewing skills, writing skills, and try some more difficult baking and cooking recipes, also seek out an adventure
I’ll continue leaning French vocabulary but add new skills along the way. I believe we only stop learning when we die.
As my girls were growing up we tried different sports. As it turned out they were more interested in music and the arts. So unlike my sister, I never spent my Saturdays at the soccer field. And I was always thankful I didn’t have to sit outside in the cold weather or the unbelievably hot weather we get in Texas.
I love my grandchildren however they live 1,640 miles away. Attending their sporting events or school events is not possible for me. It makes me sad but God has provided me with surrogate grandchildren, three to be exact. The two oldest A and O have begun to play soccer. So I find myself taking the boys to practice and staying until their parent(s) arrive.
The boys asked me to attend their games and I couldn’t turn them down. It touches my heart as I see their big grins when they realize I’ve arrived. Turns out I am a loud cheerleader!! Yelling run, get that ball, go fast etc as they play. With my camera in tow, I’ve begun taking photos and found it to be rewarding. Reminds me to use my camera more often.
So while I may have never been a “soccer mom”, I am now a full fledged “soccer Mimi”.
In middle school we had to choose a language to study. My friends chose German and Spanish. Wanting to be different, I chose French. My learning has been disjointed over the years due to moves, marriage, children, life in general but I’ve never given up. Although I’ve never surpassed advance beginner, I’m still at it.
So as a gift to myself I have begun private French lessons via the internet. I found Speak like a Parisian on Instagram. The instructor is a native speaker and is around my age. I knew I didn’t want a young teacher. Why? Learning a language is difficult and the older you get the harder it becomes. I wanted someone who might have shared similar experiences and was at similar life stage. It makes conversation flow easier.
So if there is something you’ve always wanted to do, it’s never too late to begin. I remember Dear Abby responding to this question:
I’ve always wanted to be a doctor but I’m 35 and it’ll take 10 years. What should I do? Her response was How old will you be in 10 years if you don’t become a doctor?
How many times did I hear this phrase or ones similar to it: Time flies, Stop and smell the roses, You’ll miss these days, The days are long but the years are short etc. Of course like most people under 40, I just smiled and went on about my life.
I knew my children would grow up. I knew they would need me less and less each year. I was aware as some point in my life I knew I would become an empty nester. Even with all the warnings, I never saw it coming. One day I was making lunches, hauling children to activities, listening to angsty teenagers call from college, wanting an ear but no advice. And for me the empty nester situation had an added layer called divorce. I didn’t see that coming either.
How many times have I thought if I could just do that over? I was much too focused on appearances and what other people thought, to listen to my children as well as I could have. I lost my temper when I grew short of patience. Longing for those days when my children were young and my marriage before it was destroyed by my ex-husband, comes to me in waves. The waves come less often and are not a intense as they once were.
I have allowed myself to heal. A broken heart and regrets take time to get better and to not be painful 24/7. With counseling, a renewed faith in God and his faithfulness, I am so much better. And I do my best to enjoy each day for what it has to offer. I even have an opportunity to be a better caregiver as I have been the nanny to three young children for the past 6.5 years. I’ve mellowed over the years.
I am still growing and changing. Still searching for the motivation to pursue things that brought me joy in the past like writing, sewing, photography lessons, learning a foreign language. When I had all sorts of time, I wasted it. Now I work 10 plus hours a day, coming home exhausted, it has been a struggle but I found a book called Best Year Yet, A Journal for Becoming your Best self by Chronicle books. One of my problems was and still is I can’t think of anything to do beyond what I’ve already done. This book gives me different activities to do focusing on general areas most people would like to improve. I’ve completed January and February activities and I moved onto March. It’s not always easy, I find excuses but having an actual list has encouraged me to push forward.
Not sure how it became 2023. Time really does fly and I should have listened to those who knew and slowed down.
My life on an unexpected path 