Tag: new life

Posted in life

Many times over

Posted on by Dede

What’s the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?

I’ve been lucky enough to have many people who have done kind things for me, but two things stand out in my memory.

In 2006 my youngest daughter graduated from high school. We had a big party and family from both sides came to town for her. My former father-in-law was not a nice man. He was critical and could be cruel. He was at my home and refused to even acknowledge my presence. Not even a simple hello was uttered from his lips.

I had had enough and asked my husband (now ex) to speak to his father. I should have known better because my ex was drunk and it ended up being a fiasco. When my former father-in-law literally stepped over me to say goodbye to my family and ignored me, I had to leave.

I went straight to Anne’s house two doors down. The second the doors opened I broke down in tears. She hugged me and let me cry my eyes out. Two hours later no one had come to look for me. I wouldn’t have survived without her kindness.

My high school bestie and I were both born in 1959 at opposite ends of the year. 2019 was a big year because we turned 60. She asked me to accompany her to France to celebrate. Sadly I couldn’t afford to go but she surprised me and told me she was covering all expenses.

We were able to celebrate our very long friendship in the city of lights and I’ll never forget how special I felt that someone would do this for me.

Posted in life

The same thing

Posted on by Dede

If the salary was the same, what job would you be doing right now and why?

I love my job. The hours are long and everyday I have a different challenges but everyday begins with hugs and smiles. And I end my day the same way it began with hugs and kisses.

I am a full time nanny for a family with 3 children. I’ve been with them for 10 years this October. The kids are 11,almost 9 and 5.5. There are two boys and one girl.

Posted in life

Three Pines or St. Denis

Posted on by Dede

Which fictional world would be the most fun to vacation/live in?

Without a doubt either Three Pines or St. Denis.

Three Pines is a fictional village located in Québec and borders the U.S. it is home to a close knit community comprised of:

  • Clara Morrow- Artist and resident of Three Pines
  • Peter Morrow- Married to Clara. An artist who lives in Three Pines
  • Ruth Zardo- Poet Living in Three Pines with her pet duck
  • Myrna Landers- Former psychologist who runs the bookstore in Three Pines
  • Gabri Dubeau – Owner of the bistro and B&B
  • Olivier Brulé – Co-owner of the bistro and B&B, and Gabri’s partner

  • Armand Gamache- Chief Inspector of the Sûreté du Québec

  • Reine-Marie Gamache -Armand’s Wife

The café is a local gathering place with a large fireplace, delicious food and a hot bed of gossip. Everyone looks after each other in this village named for the three large pines in the community’s green space. Why three pines? It’s is said loyalists during the American Revolution could find sanctuary in these Canadian towns.

The second but equally desirable place is the fictional town of St. Denis, Dordogne, France. You’ll find a close knit community who care for each other. Bruno is an excellent cook, has a love of Bassett hounds and seems to always getting involved in unsolved crimes.

Benoît “Bruno” Courrèges is the sole municipal police chief of St. Denis and a former soldier who served in Bosnia. He prefers community-based policing over strict law enforcement, often protecting locals from distant European Union bureaucracies. Deeply embedded in the culture of Périgord, he acts as a youth sports coach, makes his own walnut wine, and functions as the guardian of the town’s traditions. His peaceful routine is disrupted when he must assist national authorities in a sensitive local murder case.

Key Relationships

Employee of Gérard Mangin

Colleague of Isabelle Perrault also her love

Rival Colleague of Captain Duroc

Protector of Karim al-Bakr

Friend of Momu al-Bakr

Colleague of Jean-Jacques “J-J” Jalipeau

Tennis Partner of The Baron

Sometimes lover of Pamela an English divorcée

As the books progress more characters are introduced and Bruno builds a deeply committed relationship with these people from various backgrounds.

Again you’ll find regular dinners hosted by this community of friends. Many times with Bruno doing the cooking. He has a large garden of herbs, tomatoes, vegetables. He truffle hunts with his basset hound.

I’d be happy to live in either of these two places.

Thanks to book companion and super summary for character lists.

Supporting Characters

•

  • Fat Jeanne: Known for her unique appearance, adds local color to the narrative.
  • Madame Verniet: An elderly farmer’s widow, representing the older generation of St. Denis.
  • Jo-Jo: A photographer who captures the essence of village life.
  • Diem: A Vietnamese acquaintance of Bruno, showcasing the multicultural aspect of the community.

Many more characters are introduced

Posted in life

Sojourner

Posted on by Dede

If you could go back and witness any historical event, which one would you pick?

If I could go back in history and witness one event, I would choose Sojourner Truth‘s speech where she says “Ain’t I a woman.”

She was a slave. She spoke Dutch and English. Her children were stolen from her. She was beaten. Isabella Baumfree given to her by her original owners.

She sued to get her son back. She walked all over preaching. Sojourner supported abolitionists. Of course she was hated by many and loved by many.

I’d want to ask her how she had such deep faith after such a horrendously difficult life, full of pain and sorrow.

https://www.notablebiographies.com/St-Tr/Truth-Sojourner.html#google_vignette

Posted in life

Serendipity

Posted on by Dede

How did you meet your significant other?

Many years ago I was a runner up in a Fort Worth Star Telegram contest about the serendipitous meeting of my spouse. He’s my ex-spouse now.

Summer of 1981, my dad rented a small single engine airplane and flew my mom and him back to Iowa. It was my dad’s 25th high school reunion. (For reference my 50th reunion is next year.)

They hired a young pilot to fly them to their final destination and paid for him to return home. My dad was the friendliest man alive. He invited this pilot out to Las Vegas (our home) and said he’d set him up with his daughter.

After the stop in Iowa they were headed for a meeting in Minneapolis/St.Paul. However my dad’s pilot license only allowed him to fly if he could see the ground. The day they left SE Iowa and flew north it because cloudy and they were forced to land in Waterloo, IA.

Six months later this pilot showed up and my dad paid for him to take me out. Yes pathetic but Daddy was very generous.

On New Year’s Day the pilot returned from California and asked me out again. This second meeting we really clicked. Three months later we were engaged and married by August.

I always thought about if it had been a sunny day we would have never met.

Our marriage lasted 30 years before he moved onto someone younger, but he gave me the greatest gift. I have two beautiful, loving, generous and Christ loving daughters and he is their dad.

Posted in life

Tattoo

Posted on by Dede

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what would it be and why?

I already have one tattoo. It says La Vie est belle. It’s French for Life is beautiful. I’d get one that said, Savourez la vie and pray it is a correct translation of Savor life.

Posted in life

Message to Past Self

Posted on by Dede

If you had a time machine and could send just one message to your past self, what would it say?

Do not rush through life trying to reach all the milestones. Savor being single, travel, move to France, wait to marry and have kids. Explore opportunities, write that book.

Just do not rush for fear those milestones will never happen.

Posted in life

Major control

Posted on by Dede

How do you deal with uncertainty?

For most of my life I was a control freak. The more I controlled, the more anxiety I had but was convinced if I had control the anxiety would be relieved.

Ask my daughters and they will confirm I did my best to control everyone and everything around me. It’s genetic. My grandmother controlled my mother. My mother did her best to control me but wasn’t always successful.

I didn’t control my girls as much, but I definitely exercised control when I could.

Then one day I realized that control was a mirage. I never had had control. When my world came crashing down, it was a tough lesson.

Now I understand control is a mirage. The only constant is the Lord. And He is always full of surprises.

So mostly now I don’t even think about uncertainty. As long as I live, what happens in life will be uncertain. And I can trust it’ll all work out.

Posted in life

No idea

Posted on by Dede

How to make friends when you’re over 65

I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.

My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.

I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.

I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.

I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.

The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.

This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.

Is anyone else out there in my situation?

Posted in life

Wish for all

Posted on by Dede

What is your favorite quote?

“Blemishes on the beauty of a person one loves are like grace notes adding something to a piece of music.”

— Winston Graham

We live in a society that promotes and expects perfection in body and face, especially in women. Botox, plastic surgery, laser treatments, fillers, lip fillers, GLP-1, diets, exercise etc.

But is perfection something we should strive for? If we erase wrinkles, stretch marks, if we were all the same size, lips all overfilled so we look like ducks, faces pulled, frozen faces, mommy makeovers would that be better?

A grace note is a type of musical ornamentation that is usually printed smaller than regular notes and serves as a brief embellishment before a principal note.

And imperfections are the grace notes for us. God made us each unique and original. No one should look the same. We should embrace the fact we are different. We should embrace aging and not erase our life with treatments.

I struggle with aging and sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I tried Botox post divorce. I was 53 and didn’t want to look old but I need to remember Growing old is a privilege not everyone gets. Embrace our difference and embrace aging.

**Quote from the Poldark book series book 5 the Black Moon. Ross is speaking to his wife Demelza.

Posted in life

Not just one

Posted on by Dede

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

More than one place would be my answer. I’d like to live near my daughters, one in PA and one in Southern CA. I’d also like to have a place in the Dordogne region of France. From there I could easily explore Europe and improve my language skills.

With retirement available to me at anytime beginning in August, I’ve begun to think about what will I do.

I only came to one conclusion. I don’t think even after 10 years in this town, I’ll feel its home. Home is where your heart is and clearly mine is in PA and CA.

Posted in life

Unoriginal Change to a A Book

Posted on by Dede

If you could change the ending of any book, which one would it be?

I think my answer is probably unoriginal. I read Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell when I was 16 years old. I had little perspective on life, so my focus was on the love story and not the sin and shame of slavery.

I would have Rhett turn around and return to Scarlett. Her heart longed to be loved and only Rhett could love her the way she needed to be loved. And in turn Rhett longed to be loved too and Scarlett was the only woman who could love him completely.

As I said unoriginal answer but it’s simple. Doesn’t everyone want a happy ending?

Posted in life

Happiness

Posted on by Dede

What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?

I heard once happiness is based on happenings, so it is always contingent on what is going on in your life. If you have difficult days then happiness suffers. And if you have a difficult year then happiness is fleeting.

However joy is based on deeper things, most importantly your relationship with Christ. Because while your circumstances may change, God never changes. You know you are not alone and will never be alone.

I’ll admit I have first hand knowledge of basing happiness on your circumstances. If you never have struggles or heartaches or sad days then keep basing happiness on the happenings in your life. But if you are like the rest of us and have difficult days, or weeks, or months, or years, it’s imperative you find your source of joy.

I let my divorce steal 4 years of my life that I can never get back. All I could see was how much my life has changed, focusing only on the negative aspects. Then one day my heart was introduced to a very little boy and everything began to change.

I realized I had never been alone. The Lord had a plan all along for me and for my greater joy. I had only been focusing on insignificant and transient things while He was focused on eternity.

Now I base my happiness on the never changing, always loving Lord, knowing He will always be with me in hard times and good times. It’s my job to trust and joy will come. And joy is deeper and more satisfying than unpredictable happiness.

Posted in life

English and Français

Posted on by Dede

Which languages do you speak and how did that impact your life?

I am a native English speaker and I’m very saddened to know America doesn’t encourage or promote learning another language. In reading the prompts most native English speakers speak only English unless they grew up in a dual language household. One language gives you only one way to see things. And honestly, while I make grammatical errors, the quality of English spoken in America gets worse and worse everyday.

A professor told me speaking another language lets you see the world through different eyes. I have always remembered his words.

Where I live I need to speak Spanish. Half of my grandkids’ school are Spanish speakers and many are enrolled in English as a second language. I’d love to take a course but can’t find one that works with my work schedule

At the age of eleven I started learning French in school. I stopped at the age of 14.5 yrs old. Entering college I started the language journey again and took French classes for three years. I wanted to study abroad but my dad said we couldn’t afford it. He said pick a major and graduate. I’ve regretted not finding a way to go abroad because honestly I think I would have returned upon graduation and stayed abroad.

As an adult I began again at the Alliance Français in Dallas. For my 40th birthday, I spent a week at a language school. And post divorce I spent 3 months at a language school. I watch French tv, movies and do language apps on my phone. I do not speak fluently and need people to speak slowly so I can understand them. However my love affair with the French language continues.

J’ai une belle vie. ❤️

Posted in life

That’s Easy

Posted on by Dede

What’s a cultural tradition from another country that you wish existed in yours?

The ability to leave work and worries behind like they do in France. They truly have a joie de vivre that has been lost in the USA. It’s all about money, competition, looks, staying young and so many more things here.

I want to leave all of that behind and embrace life.

Posted in life

Hate my name

Posted on by Dede

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
You mean Daphne right?
No it’s Daphna.

I do not like my name. I have never liked my name. My mother told me she was guilted into naming me Daphna. I was named after my grandmother. People always think I get my own name wrong.

I loved my grandmother but she was bitter and unhappy. The only time I saw her truly happy was when she was around my nephew. She had a son who tragically died before he was two and this new baby boy was special. Every time she was around him, her entire demeanor and facial expressions changed.

I was given the nickname Dede when I was around 18 months old and have been Dede ever since. But I have often wondered if I could choose my own name what would it be and would it make me a different person.

Studies have been done about the importance of a name and how it shapes you.

I think I’d want something that could have a nickname so I could be more than one person. Charlotte, Liliane, Esmé, so many possibilities.

I’ve always thought it would be fun to ask people who don’t know me what they think my name is. That would be interesting.

https://www.sciencefocus.com/wellbeing/surprising-way-your-name-shapes-life

Posted in life

So many

Posted on by Dede

List three books that have had an impact on you. Why?

I read between 50 and 75 books a year, more than most but less than many. The books that have had the greatest impact on me this year are:

Theo of Golden by Allen Levi. A must read for anyone who wants a tale of kindness, forgiveness and how both can change you and the recipient.

The List of My Desires by Grégorie Delacourt. What if your dreams could come true because you won the lottery? Would it make it better or worse? What are your real values? Will they change? Will your family change? Can they be trusted? Will you be happier?

Echo Mountain by Lauren Wolk. A tale of the depression and what happens when your life changes. A comfortable life to living on a mountain, struggling to get by. The people who relocated there speak of a witch and stay away from her. Do we judge people before we meet them? Can we let go of the past and embrace the unexpected future?

All these books made me reexamine my own life and the way I think and live.

With no shame I admit I am a reading addict.

Posted in life

Having it all

Posted on by Dede

What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?

I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!

As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.

And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.

Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.

Posted in choices, communication, depression, divorce, Experience, life, marriage, mistakes

Jesse

Posted on by Dede

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

As I have said before, I suffered from deep depression post divorce. I tried various counselors but they all put the blame for my depression on me. They said it was the way I thought. They never acknowledged how I had been treated.

Then through a groups counseling program I met Jesse. He was getting his masters in Social worker and needed so many hours of working as a counselor. My budget was very tight because I had been without a job for 3 years. Since he was working under the guidance of a licensed Social Worker, he couldn’t charge me. I could pay him any amount I could afford.

He was the first and only therapist that acknowledged I had been emotional abused. Jess also told me in a very straight forward manor, it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and I had every right to be angry and sad and depressed.

That is when I started to heal. Being acknowledged, having your feelings acknowledged validated me. He didn’t allow me to wallow in self pity but knowing my hurt and sadness was okay made all the difference.

Posted in life

When Pollen is gone

Posted on by Dede

When do you feel most productive?

I’ve been battling allergy induced asthma since December. Most will say pollen allergies are not around in the winter. That’s true unless you live near cedar trees. Cedar trees are the only trees that pollinate in the winter. Here in central Texas cedar is everywhere.

Sadly that means I haven’t been productive. Thankfully I’m finally getting a maintenance inhaler which should help a great deal because my list is long of things I want to do and things I need to do.