Posted in Blogging, choices, Experience, fear, Goal, New life, Uncategorized, values, Writing

Lesson to Unlearn #2

 Why would want to try that? You’ll only fail.

  

Yes that is the lesson I was taught. I’m sure my parents and grandmother thought they were protecting me from  disappointment. If I struggled and failed then what would they say? Would they be able to comfort me?

I remember wanting to enter a pageant for a second time and asking for a new formal dress. I was promptly told no and when I asked why? It was simple. I wasn’t going to win anyway. However there was a hiccup in my parents’ plan. I did win. I won in the same dress I wore the year before. Obviously I didn’t need a new dress to win, but to have had words of encouragement, a sense that my parents believed in my ability to succeed and if I didn’t win, the success was in the effort and what I learned would have helped build my confidence.

There are lots of things I haven’t tried in my life for fear of failure. But I have been able to push through the fear from time to time and challenge myself with new things. I spent a year learning on my own how to dance so I could make the drill team squad. I worked for a year saving money to spend six weeks on a college tour of Europe. I auditioned for and went on a game show. {I won}. I went to France in my own at 40 for 10 days. But I still have a list of things I would love to try but fear of failure keeps be down.

So lesson #2 to unlearn is that when you try something you’ll only fail.

Success isn’t defined by winning. It’s defined by trying. There is no shame in trying some new or something difficult. It says courage, adventure and strength. These quotes are profound because they are so true.

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.

Theodore Roosevelt

I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time. Herbert Bayard Swope

Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Winston S. Churchill

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding

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Quote Writing 101

“We envy a man for something he has and yet the truth may be he hasn’t got it after all and we have.” Francis Poldark PBS
We live in a world where the message is what you have isn’t enough. We are taught we need to be ambitious, make more money, attain a higher status, just get more. But does stuff and more money make us happy? Does it make us envy our friends and neighbors more or less? Do we ever reach a point when we’ve reached the pinnacle of success and feel satisfied or are we on some endless road?

I think the character Francis Poldark from the Winston Graham book series Poldark’s worcs ring just as true now as when Mr. Graham wrote them and also when Francis was supposed to have said them in the late 1700s. People don’t change. Status whether it’s brought by money, a beautiful wife, a big house or a successful business is a temporary fix for what we all desire on a deeper level.

Things are temporary. Jobs are temporary. Relationships can be shallow. Money comes and goes. But what if while we are so busy acquiring and envying others we miss the joy we already have in our lives? Studies have proven money doesn’t make us happy. It makes us comfortable and offers security on one level. I understand how devastating it can be to lose financial security. I’ve lost all the financial security I had when I divorced. I understand how devastating job loss and loss of a relationship can be. I was married for 30 years only to be tossed aside. It hurt. It still does. I see my friends’ lives and the security they still have. I feel envious. I feel cheated. I feel angry that my ex could discard me and our daughters like yesterday’s trash.

But what I’ve realized is that if I spend my time envying the life I had, the lives of my friends then I cheat myself out of recognizing the blessings and joys that I have in my life now. I have close and loving relationships with my daughters and son-in-law. I’ve learned who my true friends are and that the appearance of happiness doesn’t mean they are happy. I have peace of mind. I no longer wonder in what new way my ex husband was going to betray me and hurt me. I’ve learned I’m strong.

So Francis is right. We’ve had it all along.

Posted in Uncategorized

“There’s such a lot of different Annes in me”

anneofgreengables

“There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.”
L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The quote on my homepage is a L.M. Montgomery quote from Anne of Green Gables. I always identified so much with Anne. While I was not an orphan, I never did feel that I quite fit in anywhere. My own mother has told me all of my life that I was difficult when I was young, she didn’t know what to do. So she had to take me to see a psychologist. Now I don’t know what could possibly make a 5-year-old so difficult, her mother would feel the need to take her to a psychologist and the need to remind her over and over again.

Anne always had trouble holding her tongue. She would speak without thinking and it would get her in trouble. She also had a way with words and many times could talk herself out of a situation. She loved to write. She loved Octobers. She loved reading and loved learning. Sometimes I think if I had red hair, I would change my name to Anne (with an e) Shirley.

I think most of us aren’t monotone and one dimensional people. We are multi-colored and three-dimensional. There are facets to our personalities that shine under different circumstances. And sometimes those facets need a lot of polishing before they truly shine.