Posted in Poverty, women

Are you Confused?

Let me get this straight because I’m completely confused. The media and public are upset because Donald Trump made lewd comments about women and behaved in an ungentlemanly way towards them? This is the same media and public who enjoy Kim Kardashian’s nude photos? This is the same media and public who have forgotten Bill Clinton used his power to intimidate a young woman into providing oral sex in the Oval Office and his wife disparaged the woman’s reputation? **I am not voting for any of the 4 candidates on the ballot in November.**

How many stories in the past few years have been reported about professional sports stars and college players who rape women? How many billions of dollars a year does the public spend on pornography, which no matter how “soft” demeans women? How many magazine covers trash women because they’ve gained weight or look old or had plastic surgery? How many billions of dollars does society spend on human trafficking for prostitution? You think it’s not in your neighborhood but you’re wrong. The man next door (like my ex  a Captain for American Airlines and porn addict and prostitute user and peeping Tom) is spending his money at strip clubs, on pornogrpahy featuring younger and younger girls and prostitutes.  What kind of society do we live in when you can buy a padded bra for a 7 year old girl in any big box store? You don’t see groin enhancers in the little boys department.

We live in a society which does NOT support women. It is economically imbalanced. Women are judged differently by both men and women. Old men can still use money and power to marry young women. Everyone applauded George Clooney when he married Amal Alamuddin but he’s 17 years older than she is. He could be her dad! Had the age difference been reversed, the media would have called the woman all sorts of names like cougar. We celebrate women when they are young and beautiful. And we have our token strong women but as a whole, beginning at an early age we are sexualized. Even female athletes are judged on their bodies and clothing style.

I hate what Donald Trump said. I hate what Bill did and Hillary Clinton said. What I hate the most is we still live in a society which punishes behavior and speech on a selective basis. The media decides who gets punished and who gets to walk away without being tarnished.

 Women, we will NEVER reach our potential as long we play by men’s rules. It’s time to take charge, change the rules and ultimately change the game. It’s time to cross our legs and say hell no to sex without marriage. (You’ll live. It won’t kill you to do without sex for awhile). And we should do it not for a religious reason, but to take charge, change the focus and be the leaders rather than the followers. As long as we allow ourselves to be  valued first and foremost as sex objects, (just take a look at YouTube and Instagram and the young girls posting adult provocative photos), nothing will change. Until we demand a salary and benefits for stay at home moms, we won’t be valued. When we play by their rules, we lose every time. When we send mixed messages and compete against each other rather than work together, men will always come out on top. When a husband can walk away after 30 years and leave his ex wife in poverty, while he moves on to a younger woman, women will suffer. How many commercials do you see for viagra and cialis with a young woman talking about her man, only to see he’s old? How many commercials do you see for  women’s sexual enhancement drugs? A big fat ZERO! Apparently as long as we’ve got a man, we’re satisfied. 

How can the media and women bash old Donald when they spend everyday encouraging that very behavior? If you agree please share.

Read more at The Shriver Report in Poverty

1 in 3 American women, 42 million women, plus 28 million children, either live in poverty or are right on the brink of it. (The report defines the “brink of poverty” as making $47,000 a year for a family of four.)

Nearly two-thirds of minimum wage workers are women, and these workers often get zero paid sick days.

Two-thirds of American women are either the primary or co-breadwinners of their families.

The average woman is paid 77 cents for every dollar a man makes, and that figure is much lower for black and Latina women; African American women earn only 64 cents and Hispanic women only 55 cents for every dollar made by a white man.

More than half of the babies born to moms who are under 30 are born to unmarried mothers, and most of them are white.

75% of unmarried mothers are under 30, and only 7% of have finished college. Single motherhood and lack of a college degree are two of the strongest indicators of poverty.

Even though women outnumber men in higher education, men still make more money than women who have the same level of educational achievement, from high school diplomas to advanced graduate degrees. And in 2011, men with bachelors’ degrees earned more than women with graduate degrees.

Posted in depression, divorce, life, Uncategorized

Can loneliness and living alone shorten your lifespan?

Posted in Blogging, choices, divorce, Dreaming, Experience, Faith, friends, friendship, help, love, movie, New life, Uncategorized, WordPress, Writing, Writing 201, writing lessons

Living Life as just One


Living Life as 1

Yesterday I received a survey from Austin Trail of Lights asking me about my experience. There was one question asking who I came with and how many people there were. They had one HUGE error. There was no selection for anyone who might have gone alone. It was assumed that to go you wouldn’t go alone.

I find this mentality is pervasive in our society. Even when you go online to book a room at a hotel, it is automatically set to 2 people. Restaurant hosts look at you odd when you say just 1. The movie ticket booth isn’t any different. I’ve taken to buying my tickets online to avoid the odd stare.

There is a difference between being alone and lonely. I was lonely when I was married. Even though someone shared my bed, my home, my life it was hollow and empty. I wasn’t alone but I was desperately lonely. I don’t mind going places alone. I have traveled alone because I didn’t want to wait to see places and experience new things. That being said, I do get lonely. It’s not easy making friends especially at this age. I have no home which means no neighbors. I have no children in school so no classmate parents. I don’t have a spouse’s co-workers or a job of my own with co-workers. Churches aren’t generally friendly places. I know they like to think differently but typically there is nothing more than a nod or a quick handshake. Very few are willing to go the extra mile and reach out.

I pray I don’t spend the rest of my life alone but I can guarantee you either way I won’t be lonely.

Posted in Blogging, God, marriage, men, relationships, weddings, women

Missed the Point

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 I tried a new church today. The topic was marriage and the pastor began by talking about a ceremony where a woman marries herself and states she will live life to the fullest. There have been four women that have had these ceremonies but no men. Now he went down the path of marriage being between a man and a woman and nothing else. I think he totally missed the point of those ceremonies. Those women weren’t being self-indulgent or trying to redefine marriage. As a society we have taught single women that they are less than married women. If a woman reaches thirty unmarried, she is inundated with questions. However as a society we don’t ask single men in their thirties why aren’t they married yet. I think those women were saying that their lives were no less full and happy because they were single.

   Women do not have the same choices as men, even though society insists that we do. Women do not have an open door on fertility. Freezing eggs is not a choice for 99.9% of women. So if a woman wants children of her own and doesn’t want to do it alone, she must be married. Society has let men extend their adolescence into their late thirties and early forties. They focus on their career, having fun with their friends, sleep around and then decide to get married. If a woman waits until then to marry she may still be able to have children but it is not a given. A fifty year old man can marry a 30 year old woman and start his family. The reverse is not possible.

   There is still a double standard. Men can date down economically and in age. While people make jokes about cougars, the reality is most men who don’t have a family yet, won’t give up that option by marrying an older woman. And if a financially successful woman is in a relationship with a man who is not her financial equal, there is static on both sides. But a financially successful man routinely throws away the wife that got him to where he is and marries a much younger woman. No one bats an eye.

  So I think the pastor missed the point of those ceremonies. Women need to not feel less than because they are single. And rather than preaching about single women deciding to be happy being single, he should be preaching to the man-boys about growing up, being Godly men and putting away childish things. He should preach about how easily men are tempted and pulled away from their wives and families.  He should be out there helping men of all ages see that a relationship with God will enhance their lives, make their lives richer (not $$), and ground them in a way they need.