words – My life on an unexpected path

life

Absolutely not

Posted on December 22, 2025 by Dede

Are you a good judge of character?

I wish I could say I am a good judge of character but I am not. Throughout my life most, not all, of my friends have been mean to me. One copied my report in middle school and accused me of stealing her work. In high school my friends had the chance to vote for me to represent our drill team in a competition and voted for the other candidate. For a secret Santa, a friend whom I am still friends with, gave me a playboy centerfold. She wrote on it the boobs you always wanted.

As an adult I had what I thought was a close friend but she would routinely cancel plans so she could go with other friends. She was one of those women who could criticize you in the middle of a compliment. I learned mean girls grow into mean women. I played bunco, a silly dice game with the same women for 15 years. The organizer would say rude and mean things to me. I ignored them but they still hurt.

A long time friend criticized me the entire time we were on a trip together. Ignored me so she could take calls from an abusive boyfriend, made comments about my weight and the way I ate. She has no children and has repeatedly told me how to deal with my adult children. I would never dream of telling her how to run her business.

And of course the thorn at the top of my list is my ex-husband. He cheated on me for 30 years which included being wanted by the police for public masturbation and peeping on college girls, using prostitutes and watching r@PE pornography. Always making me feel like it was my fault he did these things and always promising to stop.

Before anyone says no one can make you feel inferior without your permission, that is not true. It depends on the conditioning you received growing up. Having an insult in the middle of a compliment, Ignoring your successes or making you feel bad when you do succeed, Not receiving praise for a big award but being told your own parent didn’t think you’d win. Being made to feel bad because I was smart and inquisitive. I walked into that marriage ripe for abuse.

So I am not a good judge of character. I still struggle and have basically withdrawn from any relationships because it’s too painful to deal with.

book, books, life

I finished the Challenge

Posted on September 27, 2025September 28, 2025 by Dede

This is the third year I have participated in my library’s 50 books in 50 weeks in 50 categories challenge. The first two years it took me all 50 weeks to finish. This year I finished early. The library gives the categories and the reader is free to choose any book which fulfills the category.

I started this challenge because I had gotten in a rut and reading only a few genres. This has opened me up to so many good books I would have never considered reading. So step out of your comfort zone and pick up a new genre. If you haven’t read in a long time, don’t be overwhelmed. Find a title or cover that appeals to you and get started. You won’t regret it.

Here is the list of 50 books I read:

Stephen King: On Writing

Kent Haruf: Plainsong

Asphyxia: The Words in my Hands

Maxie McCoy: You’re not Lost

Katherine Arden: The Bear and The Nightingale

Rita Mae Brown: Claws for Alarm

Amanda Gorman: Call us What They Carry

Zane Grey: Desert Gold

Erik Larson: The Devil in the White City, murder, magic and madness

Camille DiMaio: The First Emma

Marina Elena Sandovici: Storms of Malhado

Jo Walton: Farthing

James Runcie: Sidney Chambers and the Shadow of Death

Stephen Crane: The Red badge of Courage

Taylor Jenkins Reid: Atmosphere

Lucy Foley: The Guest List

David Sedaris: Me talk Pretty One day

Banu Mishtaq: Heart lamp selected stories

Axie Oh: The Girl who fell beneath the Sea

Katherine Reay: Dear Mr. Knightley

Philip Deck: The Man in the High Castle

Walter Wangerin Jr: The Book of God

Claire Keegan: Small Things Like These

Shirley Wachtel: The Baker of Lost Memories

Kristina McMorris: Sold on a Monday

Madeline Miller: The Song of Achilles

Edmond Rostand: Cyrano de Bergerac

Vyvyan Evan’s: The Babel Apocalypse

Elly Griffiths: The Last Word

Ina Caro: Paris to the Past: Traveling through History by Train

Claire Swinarski: The Funeral Ladies of Ellerie County

Claire Leslie Hall: Broken Country

Carsten Henn: The Door to door Bookstore

Shonda Rhimes: Year of Yes

Beth O’Leary: The No Show

Neil Hayward: Lost Among the Birds: Accidentally Finding Myself in one Very Big Year

Wendy Corsi Staub: The Fourth Girl

Loretta Ellsworth: Stars over Clear Lake

Rachel Joyce: The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

Shawntelle Madison: The Fallen Fruit

Diana Gabaldon: Go Tell the Bees that I am Gone

Jojo Moyes: We All Live Here

Kathleen Grissom: The Kitchen House

Hilary Leichter: Terrace Story

Lauren Roberts: Reckless

Julie Hatcher: Not Quite by the Book

Matthew Inman: How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you

Percival Everett: James

Louise Penny: The Hangman

Margaret Craven: I Heard the Owl call my Name

Reading will change your life.

God, life, Uncategorized

Second Chances

Posted on December 18, 2017February 25, 2020 by Dede

God has taken my life down a path I never imagined. This path has been a very bumpy ride but it has brought me a deeper faith and given me an opportunity I never thought I would have.

As a young mother I did my best to be a good mom and make memories with my daughters. Of course as life teaches us hindsight is 20/20 and I can now look back and see many times I was too busy just to enjoy my daughters. So I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to God for bringing me to this place in my life.

I now work 50+ hours a week as a nanny but while I’m paid I don’t feel like a nanny. In fact that the oldest renamed me Mimi. The two boys I watch are like grandsons to me. (Top 2 photos). And to make this blessing even grander, my own daughter and son-in-law gave me a grandson in June. (Bottom photo). I get to spend my time with these three precious boys and I have the wisdom to know just to enjoy the moments and not stress out over little things. My life is overflowing with love.

I wouldn’t have picked or imagined this life for myself which is why I am so thankful God knows best because it’s been many years since I’ve been this happy and had this much peace.

Wishing you Joy and love this Christmas and every day in 2018.

daily prompt, depression, Faith, family, life, Uncategorized

Cheat

Posted on August 28, 2016August 28, 2016 by Dede

Webster’s definition (directly copied from Webster’s dictionary).

Simple Definition of cheat : to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something

: to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule

: to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get

Hear the word cheat and some very vivid images come to mind; an unfaithful spouse, a scam artist, a dieter eating a candy bar, a student who didn’t study but many of us would say we don’t cheat. We might even say we’ve never cheated but upon closer introspection I think most of us would find we cheat everyday.

Whether it’s driving a little over the speed limit, forgetting to signal when we turn, saying we did something like take out the garbage when we actually haven’t done it yet. Or what about cheating our children of precious connection? That’s one of my biggest gripes. It never fails, I always see parents talking on their phones or playing with a tablet and completely ignoring their children. When we give our focus to unimportant things we are denying our children of what they deserve, an engaged and interactive parent. See definition #3-prevent someone from having something he/she deserves. We cheat.

Human beings crave connection. We aren’t meant to live without emotional connection to other human beings. Close personal relationships help protect against depression. But close, meaningful connections don’t happen without time and effort. We spend the most time on the things, people, experiences we value. Like the bible says, “where your treasure is (what in your life you deem important-it doesn’t have to be money) so will your heart be.

If tomorrow you had to make a list in order of where you spend your time and place your focus what would it look like? I’m not advocating quitting a job. But don’t cheat yourself and those you love out of a deep connection by being distracted and focused on the temporary things life has to offer.

Daily Prompt

Uncategorized

If we would only …..

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Dede

Why do we talk to ourselves like this?
Take a moment to watch the video. It has English subtitles but a universal message.

Blogging, communication, God, Uncategorized

Three words

Posted on March 12, 2016 by Dede

If you had to give three words to describe you, what would they be?

Blogging101, choices, communication, daughters, family, fear, friends, God, love, mistakes, New life, people, relationships, Uncategorized, vacation, words, Writing

Lessons to Unlearn #1

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Dede

I believe we are all aware that we learn lessons as we go through life. Some are obvious like; look both ways before crossing the street or foul language is not appropriate. But what about all of the lessons we learn unknowingly through our interactions with the people around us? For me lesson #1 to unlearn is:

Compliments people give you are never really genuine and can not be trusted to be true.

Growing up I don’t remember a time when I received a compliment that someone in my circle of family or friends didn’t find someway to discount what was said. If someone told me I was pretty and I shared that, I didn’t hear; I think so too or they are right or how lovely. I heard; well you could look like a monkey for all I know but I’d still love you. What does a child hear? The compliments can’t be trusted. I could give many examples but the point is I was taught to close myself off from any positive comments. I learned people don’t give genuine heartfelt comments and when I receive nice words, I should immediately disregard them.

How has this affected me? I have closed myself off from letting people love me. I’ve filtered out all the nice comments and have only let the criticism come through. No wonder I am so self criticial and struggle with believing in myself.

So for 2016, the first lesson I am going to teach myself is this;

Compliments given from people are genuine and can be trusted to be true.

Blogging, communication, daily prompt, Dreaming, Writing 201

Graffiti

Posted on December 15, 2015 by Dede

Across

Time

Space

Colors

Images

Emotions

Swirls

Lines

Angles

Paint

Spray cans

Brushes

Scream

See

Him

Loudly

Hear

Her

Don’t

Forget

Blogging, choices, daily prompt, depression, Dreaming, Faith, family, poetry, strong, WordPress, writing lessons, writing101

50 word challenge

Posted on November 17, 2015 by Dede

I went slightly over but I can never remember if one and two letter words count towards the total.

56 years of living a lie

Believing without questioning

You’re not enough

You won’t win

You prove how smart you are

You will do something and I will leave

No longer seeing your reflection

The spark, the joy smothered by words

Someone takes your hand at 56 years

They wipe away the hurt, the emptiness

They plant the seed of belief

Belief that you are enough

Belief you will win

Belief you are worthy of love

Belief you will never be abandoned

Belief in tomorrow

letters, WordPress, writing101

Reinvent the Letter Writing 101

Posted on November 10, 2015November 15, 2015 by Dede

Dear WordPress,

Today’s assignment is to reinvent the letter. May I ask what you mean? What is a letter other than a consonant or vowel used to make words? If you are referring to the archaic communication method of using a pen or pencil, paper, envelope and stamps to share my thoughts and feelings with another person in another location, I need to inform you that letter writing is a long-lost art. Today’s emotions, news, achievements, worries, love etc are shared via electronic media. Cell phones, Twitter, Instagram, E-mail, Facebook, WordPress there are so many ways that modern people share their lives. Lives are now on public display. It is old-fashioned thinking to consider a letter. Why would anyone want to share private thoughts, concerns and emotions with just another person? Why would anyone want to hold in his/her hand a piece of paper which shows someone else took time out of his/her busy schedule to put words to paper?

Of course I am being sarcastic but unfortunately, what I wrote is much too true for today’s generation. Communication is quick and efficient but not necessarily heartfelt. There are too many shortcuts, abbreviations and a real lack of time spent thinking about what they are writing. Words and thoughts are shared that will remain in cyberspace forever but most likely will not be remembered by anyone.

A real letter, words put to paper or card, share emotion in so many ways. Is there a hint of scent that reminds you of home? Of a lover? Of a friend? is the penmanship steady or does it show signs of age or worry or impatience? Is it descriptive, full of colorful words or does the writer choose simple words that feel as though the writer is holding back? How many times do you hold the letter? Smell the letter? Reread the letter? Save the letter?

I have a box of letter and cards that my ex-husband and I wrote when we were dating. While my marriage suffered an untimely death when my ex decided he had for 30 years a foot out the door. I have those letters and cards which speak of hopes, dreams and love. They are there for my children and any future generations to read, to hold, to smell and to get to know us 100 years from now.

poetry, words, writing101

Writing 101 Assignment: Media Inspiration

Posted on November 10, 2015 by Dede

I have spoken too many times in my life without thinking about the damage my words would do. And sadly it is a learned behavior because hurtful words still resonate in my soul.

Speaking without thinking

Thinking without speaking

Hurtful words spewed

Venomous syllables

Cutting to the bone

Driving through the soul

Never to be undone

Collateral damage

Regret and sorrow

I want to eat my words

I want them back

I want to repair hearts

I want my soul healed

Blogging, Blogging101, blogging201, New life, poetry, writing101

Why do I write?

Posted on November 2, 2015 by Dede

I write because my head is full of words

words unspoken

I write because my head is full of dreams

dreams unfulfilled

I write because my head is full of ideas

ideas unexplored

I write because I have a voice

a voice unheard

Blogging, Writing

50 Words Prompt

Posted on September 22, 2015 by Dede

Being succinct and precise with words is not a quality I possess. I tend to be loquacious and verbose. For me to limit a post to 50 words would be like trying to stop the wind from blowing, but to be a good writer, it is important to write well and well doesn’t always mean more. (56 words).