Author: Dede

I am always learning something new about life. My life is made richer by friends, family, travel, experiences, books and hobbies.
Posted in Experience, Faith, family, Fun, games, God, New life, relationships, Uncategorized, values, WordPress

Presents or Presence?

Posted on by Dede

 


No, I didn’t misspell presence. I never thought about the fact that presents and presence are homophones. Two words with different spellings and meanings but pronounced the same way. I think there is significance in this discovery. Why? Because now at Christmas it is so easy to get focused on presents. I won’t lie. I love buying and giving gifts. To see the joy and excitement on my loved ones’ faces brings me such joy. But if I asked them to tell me what they got for Christmas last year they might be able to name one or two things but if I ask them what we did, I am certain they would remember.

Our shared worship experience, our shared Christmas Eve, our shared Christmas Day meal, opening presents together, a movie or games played, the funny family selfie, those are the things we remember. It is our presence together which makes the holiday memorable, not the gifts. Our celebration has undergone a change these last 3 years and it would be easy to focus on who was missing, but we have chosen to focus on who is present and the presence of Jesus. He is the focus of our Christmas.

It is His presence in our lives that adds a fullness and richness which no amount of presents could match. We may not have a perfect family or a perfect home but we have a perfect little baby, Jesus who isthe son of God andthe Prince of Peace. He came to save the world. He came to save me and you.

Merry Christmas and may 2016 find your life full of blessings and peace.

Posted in Blogging, choices, communication, daily prompt, divorce, Faith, fear, God, New life, poetry, Uncategorized, Writing

What is freedom?

Posted on by Dede

  
  Freedom

Colored by cultural 

Effected by economics

Hampered by health

Pursued by peace

Fought for by force

Wanted by women

Controlled by choices

Destroyed by divorce

Dreams realized by divorce

Frozen by fear of freedom

Peace doesn’t predict freedom

 God’s grace gives true freedom

Posted in Blogging, Blogging101, blogging201, daily prompt, Dreaming, Uncategorized, vacation, values, WordPress

Les premières secondes de Paris

Posted on by Dede

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Apologies for the mistakes in my French.

Ma vie étais changé la première fois j’ai vu Paris. My life was changed the first time I saw Paris.

Mon âme était venue en vie. My soul had come to life.

Mes genoux affaiblit My knees weaken

Mon coeur chante My heart sings 

Paris et moi, nous bien allons ensemble comme les abeilles et miel Paris and me, we belong together like bees and honey

La douceur de vie The sweetness of life

Paris a sauvé moi. Paris saved me.

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Sleep a dance of Three

Posted on by Dede

   

Sleep a dance of three

A body deprived of sleep

Is a body destined to fail

A mind deprived of sleep

Is a mind on the road to insanity

A soul deprived of sleep

Is a soul thirsting for God

Body, mind, soul locked in the dance of sleep

The body tosses

The mind wanders

The soul cries out

The body succumbs

The mind dreams

The soul searches

The body is refreshed 

The mind is renewed

The soul is hopeful

And tomorrow they dance again 

Posted in Uncategorized
Posted on by Dede

   

Sleep a dance of three

A body deprived of sleep

Is a body destined to fail

A mind deprived of sleep

Is a mind on the road to insanity

A soul deprived of sleep

Is a soul thirsting for God

Body, mind, soul locked in the dance of sleep

The body tosses

The mind wanders

The soul cries out

The body succumbs

The mind dreams

The soul searches

The body is refreshed 

The mind is renewed

The soul is hopeful

And tomorrow they dance again 

Posted in daily prompt, daughters, Experience, Faith, family, God, love, New life, poetry, Uncategorized, WordPress, writing101

Blurred Reflection

Posted on by Dede

  

   When I look into the mirror who do I see?

Who is that woman looking at me?

Is it the girl who had big daydreams,

Of love, adventure and French sunbeams?

Is it the teenager who doubted every decision she made?

The insecure girl who found herself betrayed?

Is it the young woman in love and ready to embark on life?

Or the woman whose husband sliced her heart with a knife?

Is it the mother blessed with two compassionate girls 

Who has the love from two of God’s precious pearls?

Is it the woman who is past her prime?

Watching the clock and hearing the tick tock of time?

Or is it the woman who has fought and struggled to reclaim her life?

Learning new lessons, knowledge and how to deal with strife?

One image placed upon another to reflect not just one woman’s soul

But a blending of each reflection so she can learn she’s not broken but whole.

Posted in daily prompt, Faith, family, love, marriage, poetry

Magic Poetry 101

Posted on by Dede

  
A serendipitous meeting

Brought about by a cloudy day

A moment caught but once in a lifetime

A lifetime caught in that moment

Enchanted

Spellbound by a kiss

Hearts intertwined

Lives slowly braided together one experience at a time

Strands of love added one child at a time

Life is magic

Simple moments linked together by the magic of love

The magic of life

Posted in communication, divorce, family, fear, friends, help, Hiding, marriage, people, Uncategorized

Who Knew?

Posted on by Dede

  I’ve been a talker my entire life. So much so it’s become a reoccurring joke with my family and friends. I always thought I chattered away because I was nervous and wanted to fill the empty space. Recently another possibility was presented to me. Do I talk too much so I don’t have to recognize what I am feeling? Do I use words to cover up my emotions?

I think there is a real chance this is true. When I was married, knowing in my gut my husband wasn’t faithful and I struggled with insecurity, I talked. If was busy talking I didn’t have to admit I was feeling insecure and why. If I admitted my husband wasn’t faithful then I would have to do something about it.

When I am in a social setting and feel like a square peg in a round hole, I chatter. I don’t have to admit I’m feeling scared or worried about being accepted. The words delay having to deal with my emotions.

Just as some people withdraw into themselves to ignore their emotions, I talk over mine. It’s time I’m quiet and listen to the sounds of my heart.

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Christmas as a Single

Posted on by Dede

 What is wrong with this Commercial?
There currently is a commercial for a company that makes scented candles. It’s supposed to evoke feels of caring and the love Christmas brings. I find the commercial sad and such a statement on what too many people think Christmas is.

In the ad a young couple is shown decorating and sharing time together one December evening. Then an old man is shown alone surrounded by pictures of his now dead wife. The scene definitely evokes sadness. He leaves his home and while he is gone his kindly, young neighbor goes and decorates his house so when he returns he can be filled with the love of Christmas. Why does this bother me? Why didn’t the young woman go over and ask her neighbor to join them? Why didn’t she truly extend the hand of love and hospitality?

Too many people have the belief Christmas is only about family. Thy don’t reach out beyond their own inner circle when celebrating the holidays. Why? Why do they close out the world when the world is so desperately in need of the love Christmas and Jesus brings?

This will be my third Christmas as a single woman. Not a single friend has called me once in these three years for Thanksgiving or Christmas to make sure I have someplace to go. They don’t think behind their own right circle of family. I always included people. I made sure everyone I knew had a place to go. I invited a young couple one year who where in church alone on Christmas Day. I asked them on 12-25. Sure it was a last minute invitation but I barely knew them and had no idea they would be alone but when I saw them I reached out. And they were thrilled to have somewhere to go. I’ve invited elderly couples who couldn’t be with their children and grandchildren.

People make assumptions. Oh she will be with her kids. Oh someone else will ask her. Or they suggest go and volunteer somewhere when all the person wants is to feel loved and wanted and not tossed aside.

So please take the time this Christmas season and ask someone to join you. Don’t let this season go by saying you are celebrating when love came into the world but don’t show it in your lives.

Posted in characters, costumes, Experience, fear, fictional, novels, people, values, women, Writing

Doppelgänger 

Posted on by Dede

I’ve always heard they we have a twin somewhere in the world. No one has ever said I look like someone they know or someone famous but my daughters are told they look like two actresses. And they must because there is never any variation. It is always the same two actresses.
You can even find photos online of stars that look eerily similar to another star. Then there are the stories of families that swear a new child is a dead relative’s reincarnation. If your doppelgänger is someone bad does that mean you might share the same characteristics? The same evil soul? It would be interesting to find out how many traits look-a-likes actually share. So what do you think of the doppelgänger in the photo I posted? Eerily alike don’t you think? She even has a huge wart. My photo is posted after this photo. Do I have a doppelgänger?   

  

Posted in books, choices, communication, Dating, divorce, friendship, Fun, love, marriage, New life, Uncategorized, women

Dating Profiles

Posted on by Dede

After being married for 30 years, divorced for almost 3 years, I am considering dating websites. I tried them when I first got divorced but thankfully realized facing rejection from thousands of men wasn’t a good idea.

I’ve read up on what makes a good profile and it seems everyone has a different opinion. I tend to agree with the folks that say photos are the most important along with a good headline. I know if I am not attracted to the photo I don’t read the profile. The challenge is remembering I am not that twenty something girl looking for a date. I read a dating expert say that we look at profiles with our young minds. So women see old men who look like their dads and grandpas and men see old women  who look like their moms and grandmas. I admit that is true for me. And then add the additional challenge that men can date down in age, economics and education more easily than women. Now before you lecture me that age is a state of mind and older women date younger men, I am talking about relationships. I am not talking about friendships or a sexual affair even though things are necessary to a good relationship but many times we experience them individually.

I read something in a novel by Louise Penny which I want to use in my profile when I do get brave enough and strong enough to try dating again. This is paraphrased from The Long Way Home by Louise Penny.

She wasn’t made for a Paris runway but for good meals and books by the fire and laughter. She was constructed from and for happiness. She helps you discover how very attractive a heart and mind can be.

Posted in daily prompt, WordPress, words, Writing, writing101

Wrap up challenge

Posted on by Dede

I learned that while writing can be expressive if unchecked it can turn depressive. I learned the world of bloggers has many kind and caring people. I was reminded how much I love words and writing. And I challenge myself to write a novel by 12-31-16. Thanks everyone

Posted in Uncategorized

The Thing All Women Do That You Don’t Know About

Posted on by Dede

Sadly very true

Gretchen Kelly's avatarDrifting Through

image: Shutterstock image: Shutterstock

There’s this thing that happens whenever I speak about or write about women’s issues. Things like dress codes, rape culture and sexism. I get the comments: Aren’t there more important things to worry about? Is this really that big of a deal? Aren’t you being overly sensitive? Are you sure you’re being rational about this?

Every. Single. Time.

And every single time I get frustrated. Why don’t they get it?

I think I’ve figured out why.

They don’t know.

They don’t know about de-escalation. Minimizing. Quietly acquiescing.

Hell, even though women live it, we are not always aware of it. But we have all done it.

We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us uncomfortable. How to avoid angering a man or endangering ourselves. We have all, on many occasions, ignored an offensive comment. We’ve all…

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Posted in Blogging, Blogging101, blogging201, choices, WordPress, Writing

A series of ancedotes

Posted on by Dede

You would never believe it but…

I was a teenage beauty queen

You would never believe it but…

I worked and saved enough money to travel Europe with a college tour group when I was 18 for six weeks, traveling to East Berlin through the now defunct Checkpoint Charlie.

You would never believe it but….

I was on TV with Bob Hope

You would never believe it but…

I was a winning game show contestant 

You would never believe it but…

I was interviewed for a piece on the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather

You would never believe it but….

I took a leap of faith and went to France for 3 months to try and improve my French when I was 54.

You would never believe it but….

I dream of being a writer.

You would never believe it but ….

I do believe in hope, love and fresh starts

Posted in Blogging, choices, daily prompt, divorce, Experience, fear, friendship, marriage, Moving, New life, Uncategorized, WordPress, Writing

A Map as my Muse

Posted on by Dede

  
How many of us choose our destiny? We definitely play a role in our lives and what happens, but so much is out of our control.

Would I be different if my parents had never moved me at the age of 9 from Oklahoma to Minnesota therefore preventing the teasing which tore at my sense of value? I still hear the laughter ringing out as a recording of my voice is played back to the class and my distinctly southern accent stood in contrast the nasal, clipped sound of the north. 

Would I be different if at 11.5 I wasn’t moved from Minnesota to Colorado with six weeks left of sixth grade. Not enough time to make friends and settle in, so a summer spent alone. Which meant having to begin 7th grade just a few months later at an entirely different school. Doing my best to figure out where I fit and finally finding my place to be moved again.

Midway in 9th grade a move to Las Vegas and a high school that was nothing like the one from which I had come. Sitting at lunch in the car with my mom for the first week so I wouldn’t cry and try to walk home. Spending another semester and summer alone to begin a new year once more with no friends.

Would I be different if I hadn’t desperately wanted to leave Las Vegas and ended up marrying a man a hardly knew? Spending 30 years of my life with him first in Iowa and then in Texas?

Would I be different if I had stayed in the place I had called home since 1986 rather than moving a mere 30 minutes away where it was convenient for my friends to forget me? If I had stayed would they still have forgotten me?

Would I be different if I hadn’t taken 3 months and gone to France to try and learn French and experience life from a different perspective? Staying in the security of the familiar?

Would I be different if I had made the choice not to leave Dallas-Fort Worth rather than taking a chance on a better life in a new place and all the struggles building a new life entails?

Of course there is no way to know. Our lives are shaped by so many things and places are but one. We are the sum of our experiences but until we die our life equation is never complete. There is always something more to add, subtract, multiply or divide in our lives.

Posted in choices, daily prompt, depression, divorce, Experience, Health, help, love, mistakes, Uncategorized, women, WordPress

Mining my own material 

Posted on by Dede

To be honest I couldn’t find anything I felt worthy of readdressing. My mood is dark as is my future. I no longer think clearly or have the ability to read a book or watch a simple television show without seeing and thinking of all that was taken from me and what I will never experience again. And to aggravate me and wear my patience my cat will not stop crying. He meows over and over, louder and louder. Do you think he speaking for me? Crying the tears when I’m too lost to cry for myself?

  

Posted in depression, poetry

Never to Come Back

Posted on by Dede

To walk to the edge

Of the darkness

To lean

To peer

To try and see what lies beyond

Taking one step

One step over

Flying free

Released from hurt

Free falling 

Falling free

Never to come back

Posted in Blogging, choices, daily prompt, depression, divorce, Experience, fear, friends, friendship, God, help, mistakes, Uncategorized, WordPress, Writing, writing101

Day 15

Posted on by Dede

  “We read to know we’re not alone.” -William Nicholson, Shadowlands

I read everyday. It’s not unusual for me to read one book in two days. I read because I am alone. I am always alone. Except for the group I meet with three times a week, I see no one and I talk to no one.

Isolation is not a good thing but it is an addictive thing. It creeps up on you unexpectedly. One day turns to two and two turns into three and before you know it a week, a month goes by.

I never intended to be in this place of loneliness. This deep, dark well of drowning sadness. Someone born without a soul stole mine. And I won’t steal someone’s soul because I no longer have one. That is cruel and evil.

Everyday gets more difficult. Everyday is longer than the last. Everyday I think it will be my last.

Posted in Blogging, choices, communication, daily prompt, daughters, family, love, Uncategorized

Unexpected Visitors

Posted on by Dede

10 pm: Bedtime

Toss and turn unable to get comfortable but my time was coming and I only had to wait until morning.

6 am: The alarm rings. I am awake because I never really fell asleep. I shake my husband out of his dreams and tell him we are due to arrive no later than 7 am.

6:15 am: A quick shower, get dressed, check my bag and tell my husband it is almost time to leave.

6:30 am: I call my parents and let them know we are leaving soon and to check on my daughter. She is still sound asleep.

6:40 am: It is still dark outside since it is a July day. The heat is stifling even at this hour. Though freshly showered, I can feel the sweat begin to bead and roll down my neck. I should have brought something to pull my hair back.

6:45 am: We leave for the short 15 minute drive.

7:00 am: I am dropped off and taken by wheelchair upstairs. My husband joins me as soon as he parks.

7:15 am: All checked in, ready to go but still apprehensive. This is my second time and just like last time I didn’t begin on my own. I needed help.

7:30 am: Dr. gives me a visit. Checks the pitocin drip. Contractions have begun. The Dr. guesses the baby will weigh between 7 and 8 pounds.

10:00 am: I ask for a pain reliever. Nurse gives me something but fails to tell me it is short term and won’t last more than 15 minutes.

10:15 am: Nurse suggests I make a bathroom run because she thinks it will be a long day.

10:30 am: Return to bed and tell nurse I need to push. She says there is no way because I wasn’t ready. I disagreed with her and said I NEED to push. Asked for more painkiller and was told it was too late.

11:05 am: Beautiful baby girl is born and I hear a round of applause. Putting my glasses on I realize there is a sea of faces in the birthing room. It was student nurse day and they just “happened” to stop in. Dr. guesses my new daughter weighs 9 lbs 13 oz. Official weight 10 lbs. Very good guess.

*** Lesson learned and shared with all mothers-to-be: If you do not want unexpected visitors in the birthing room, when you take your hospital tour and fill out paperwork ask if it is a teaching hospital and you want to specify you do not want students in your room. Every mother-to-be has been so happy I shared from my experience.

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Posted in Blogging, choices, daily prompt, depression, Dreaming, Faith, family, poetry, strong, WordPress, writing lessons, writing101

50 word challenge

Posted on by Dede

I went slightly over but I can never remember if one and two letter words count towards the total.

 56 years of living a lie

Believing without questioning 

You’re not enough 

You won’t win 

You prove how smart you are

You will do something and I will leave

No longer seeing your reflection

The spark, the joy smothered by words

Someone takes your hand at 56 years

They wipe away the hurt, the emptiness

They plant the seed of belief

Belief that you are enough 

Belief you will win

Belief you are worthy of love 

Belief you will never be abandoned 

Belief in tomorrow