Author: Dede

It’s been quite a few years since I’ve really laughed. I’m not sad or depressed, but I couldn’t laugh. I think everything I had been through put the mute button on laughter.

I’ve had a moment here or there in the last 10 years when I’ve laughed but it used to come easier. I remember sitting outside with my ex and his family. An unexpected pun caused a great deal of laughter and years later we still laughed at that memory.

It is said Laughter is the best medicine. I’m more inclined to believe unconditional love is the best medicine but laughter can turn an ordinary day into a day you’ll always remember.

How did I find it again? I laugh when I think about it. The 2 year old I watch told me to laugh. She had done something and wanted me to laugh so I fulfilled her request. Thinking I’d fake it as best I could, I started with my best fake laugh. And then it occurred to me, I had just followed the orders of a 2 year old and my laughter grew. The more I laughed, the funnier I thought it was.

Going forward in the future I’m going to laugh even if I don’t feel like because laughter, even if it’s your own, is contagious.

Decided I needed some extra help to move out of this depression and apathy so I hired a therapist. Now I’ve had lots of therapists over the years and only one I believe really helped me. Tonight was my second session with the new therapist so it’s a wait and see for now.

I did go to a meet up last Saturday. It was to practice speaking French. My ex husband used to make fun of me for trying to learn French so I’ve never had a lot of confidence in myself. The two ladies were nice. None of us are fluent so the intimidation factor was non existent. I am going again this Saturday.

I’m increasingly tired. Clearly this is something I need to address with my doctor but my doctor moved away. So another challenge in finding someone with whom I am comfortable.

Time to continue this journey one step at a time.

Yesterday I listed things I used to do. Today I’ll add a few new interests some for enjoyment and one because it’s needed.

1. My health must become my number one priority.

2. Photography. I am not a photographer but I’d like to learn to be better at it.

3. New experiences

These are some new doors I’d like to open and explore.

I find I move forward best when I have a plan. Where do I begin to make a plan for the rest of my life? I decided first I should make an outline and group ideas together before I created specific steps to move forward.

One aspect that of the last nine years is forgetting what brought me joy. I’m specifically referring to activities I did which made me happy. The first step is my journey is to remember what I did. It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes we bury memories deep but for now this is what I’ve identified.

1. Sewing

2. Baking

3. Reading

4. Writing

5. Travel

6. Entertaining in my home.

7. Learning French

My next step is to recall why I loved these activities, why I stopped them and what is blocking me from beginning again.

Summer 2022 began with a surprise. I broke my arm. Not a normal break between the elbow and wrist, but a proximal humerus break. Where is that? Its right where your arm meets your shoulder. I have never felt that kind of pain. It was intense. Due to location of the break a cast was not possible. No one came to help me. I was on my own. Groceries were delivered. A shower wasn’t possible for over a week. Not a good time.

During this forced idleness, it occurred to me, wasting time had become my way of life. Due to unexpected life changes over 9 years ago, I removed myself from truly living a full life. Now I must work 10 hours a day then I come home to a microwavable dinner and TV. The weekend are chores and nothing more. All the time I was recuperating, I was frustrated because I couldn’t do more and then light bulb moment, I realized this was what I had been doing for over 9 years. Nothing! I have had a few highlights in those 9 years which have given me wonderful memories. For the most part though, I’ve given up those things that I love.

It is time to change. While I can’t regain those lost years, I can make a plan, a flexible plan to reengage with life. To rediscover the activities I love. The first step is to blog again and document my progress, so in a year, 5 years, and more I can look back and see my progress.

So come with me, inspire me and find joy with me.

Did you know the average American moves 11 times in their lifetime. I’ve moved 18 times with 5 of those being in the last 8 years. Those five moves happened because of divorce. I am now living in a town I’d never have chosen but due to finances I can not leave.

I believe every place has something to offer but after five years of living here, I’ve been unable to figure out what this place offers beyond a job and cheap living. I came here originally because my daughter and her husband lived here. But they moved 1,636 miles to the east with their son. My other daughter was already living 1,410 miles to the west.

I ask myself now where do I belong. It’s definitely not here but where?Neither of my daughters commit to staying where they are which is understandable considering Americans don’t stay in one place.

Having no family nearby and nearing retirement (hopefully in 3 years), I’ve begun asking myself what will I do? Where will I go? Since my divorce I have felt homeless. Not in the sense that I haven’t had a place to live, but in the sense I have no longer have roots, a community.

So what do I do? I have no idea. I keep praying I’ll have an epiphany and know. Until then I’ll remain restless wondering if I’ll find a place where I will feel at home.

I just finished watching Your Fantastic Mind on PBS. It was eye opening. It was all about preventing dementia.

And upon watching this show I realized that post divorce I’ve allowed myself to fall into some bad habits all which increase my risk for dementia.

The two biggest for me are:

Being physically inactive

Being socially isolated

Those two things I have complete control over. Which I think is good news!

Doing things you love are also supposed to help and I’ve been bad about engaging in some favorite hobbies using all sorts of excuses. Again the good news is I have control over whether I start again.

Also good news is learning a new skill or language, helps prevent and slow down dementia. I’ve spent years working on my French and now I’m using Duolingo to learn Norwegian.

So while many will feel this might be bad news, I don’t agree. I’m excited I can make the changes in my life so I can continue to enjoy it to the fullest.

Recently I heard the song from Rent, Seasons of Love and this time I really listened to the words. There is a line which says “525,000 journeys to plan”. Something clicked and I asked myself do I or have I ever planned my life journey on a daily basis.

I have of course planned days and weeks and my life but more in the to do list sense. Married check, buy a house check, have kids check, be a good mom etc. But planning my life with ideas of how to broaden and enhance it rarely made it on the list.

I can’t say I’ve ever been in touch with my “authentic self”. In fact I’ve never really even understood that term. However I do believe I sold myself short for most of my life, never really believing in my abilities.

When I divorced I was devastated but thanks to God because he has given me a 2nd chance to rewrite my story. As I write this post, I am sitting outside with the children I keep 50 plus hours a week. Why is that significant? Because I feared I’d have no purpose and joy after the big D and here I am very happy and very loved.

I’ve begun planning my journeys which doesn’t mean trips. It means exploring myself, the world and people around me and always learn new things.

Here are a few journeys I put on my list:

1. Practice French more often

2. Learn a language other than French. (Currently it’s Norwegian).

3. Stop self criticizing what I do and how I look.

Recently I heard the song from Rent, Seasons of Love and this time I really listened to the words. There is a line which says “525,000 journeys to plan”. Something clicked and I asked myself do I or have I ever planned my life journey on a daily basis.

I have of course planned days and weeks and my life but more in the to do list sense. Married check, buy a house check, have kids check, be a good mom etc. But planning my life with ideas of how to broaden and enhance it rarely made it on the list.

I can’t say I’ve ever been in touch with my “authentic self”. In fact I’ve never really even understood that term. However I do believe I sold myself short for most of my life, never really believing in my abilities.

When I divorced I was devastated but I thank God, because he has given me a 2nd chance to rewrite my story. As I write this post, I am sitting outside with the children I keep 50 plus hours a week. Why is that significant? Because I feared I’d have no purpose and joy after the big D and here I am very happy and very loved.

I’ve begun planning my journeys which doesn’t mean trips. It means exploring myself, the world and people around me and always learn new things.

Here are a few journeys I put on my list:

1. Practice French more often

2. Learn a language other than French. (Currently it’s Norwegian).

3. Stop self criticizing what I do and how I look.

4. I’ve always practiced gratitude but this time it will be focused on whatever can’t be bought.

So here’s to this first 525600 minute journey.

I know many of you, most of you are tired of being stuck at home with your family. Maybe it’s just you and your partner, you and your kids, or maybe you even have extended family who lives with you. You must feel the walls closing in.

But for many of us, we live alone. There is no one there to get into your space, annoy you, make demands on you or hold you. Being alone all the time isn’t healthy. Humans are made for companionship. We need hugs. We need closeness. And there is no one there.

It’s beginning to wear on me. While I still work during the day, so I have contact with some people, I have no family. Not a single one of my family lives nearby. The closest one lives 1,243 miles away. Being far apart is difficult enough and add a pandemic on top it sucks!

So the next time someone you love is annoying you, remember it’s a blessing!

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I closed on my house May 23rd. I bought my daughter’s and son-in-law’s house and no I didn’t get it for a deal. I paid current market value. Even though we closed last week, they don’t leave for their new home in Pennsylvania until June 15th. It’s going to be a bittersweet day. They move faraway and I get my own home.

My plan is to rent a cargo van and move as stuff as I can in 2 days so I stay occupied and don’t dwell on the fact they aren’t coming back. It’s going to hot because this is Texas. Hopefully I don’t melt and quit too early.

I’ve moved six times in the last 7.5 years so avoiding packing is a big goal. The plan is to just load stuff and drop it off and repeat.

Another challenge is making it my own. It may take awhile not to think of it as my daughter’s home. Having new floors put in the kitchen and one bedroom hopefully will help. New appliances arrive late June. My weekends will be spent painting cabinets and walls. A lawn crew will work in the yard and I have a contractor doing a few odd jobs. My actual move in date is mid-July which I do have movers.

As I sat signing all the papers at the closing, my heart felt both joy and sadness. Until now every home I have ever owned was purchased with my now ex-husband and it was a reminder I’m on my own now. The joy was knowing I accomplished this on my own and life can be good post divorce.

Most of all God is good. He never left me even at my lowest point. I honestly didn’t believe I’d ever have my own home again but He knew differently. Praise Jesus.