What’s a personal mantra or philosophy you live by?
Sadly many Christians have forgotten these simple commands. They’ve chosen the road of the Pharisees. However these words are what I live by and do my best in all my actions to carry them out.
From the book of Mark
30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a]31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”
How do you write what people actually want to read?
When I got divorced, I was devastated. I went from a very comfortable secure life to a life not knowing how I’d support myself. $9000 cash and no spousal support left me raiding retirement.
I started this blog and named it Liferewritten because I felt like that’s what I needed to do. I needed to change my life and take it from an unhappy marriage, followed by a devastating divorce to something better.
So rather than complaining to my daughters or ruminating over my heartbreak, I would vent on the blog.
A couple years ago, I went back and deleted my darkest, saddest and most angry blogs. I wanted to separate myself from those memories, but I wish I hadn’t deleted them. I would like to see how far I’ve come.
So I write to share my journey and if no one reads it that’s okay, but it leaves a record of my life for my daughters.
What’s a place you visited that felt like home?
I can’t say I have ever felt at home anywhere. I didn’t feel at home growing up because I was odd man out plus we moved several times between ages 9-14.
Then when I married we rented and lived in 4 places in 3 years. When we finally bought a house, I definitely felt grown up. And it probably felt more like home than any place I’ve lived in since then.
My idea of home is family and my family hasn’t been together for 14 years. We don’t have to live in the same house but near enough to get together.
So for now and the foreseeable future, I have a place to live but it’s not home.
If the salary was the same, what job would you be doing right now and why?
I love my job. The hours are long and everyday I have a different challenges but everyday begins with hugs and smiles. And I end my day the same way it began with hugs and kisses.
I am a full time nanny for a family with 3 children. I’ve been with them for 10 years this October. The kids are 11,almost 9 and 5.5. There are two boys and one girl.
Which fictional world would be the most fun to vacation/live in?
Without a doubt either Three Pines or St. Denis.
Three Pines is a fictional village located in Québec and borders the U.S. it is home to a close knit community comprised of:
The café is a local gathering place with a large fireplace, delicious food and a hot bed of gossip. Everyone looks after each other in this village named for the three large pines in the community’s green space. Why three pines? It’s is said loyalists during the American Revolution could find sanctuary in these Canadian towns.
The second but equally desirable place is the fictional town of St. Denis, Dordogne, France. You’ll find a close knit community who care for each other. Bruno is an excellent cook, has a love of Bassett hounds and seems to always getting involved in unsolved crimes.
Benoît “Bruno” Courrèges is the sole municipal police chief of St. Denis and a former soldier who served in Bosnia. He prefers community-based policing over strict law enforcement, often protecting locals from distant European Union bureaucracies. Deeply embedded in the culture of Périgord, he acts as a youth sports coach, makes his own walnut wine, and functions as the guardian of the town’s traditions. His peaceful routine is disrupted when he must assist national authorities in a sensitive local murder case.
Key Relationships
Employee of Gérard Mangin
Colleague of Isabelle Perrault also her love
Rival Colleague of Captain Duroc
Protector of Karim al-Bakr
Friend of Momu al-Bakr
Colleague of Jean-Jacques “J-J” Jalipeau
Tennis Partner of The Baron
Sometimes lover of Pamela an English divorcée
As the books progress more characters are introduced and Bruno builds a deeply committed relationship with these people from various backgrounds.
Again you’ll find regular dinners hosted by this community of friends. Many times with Bruno doing the cooking. He has a large garden of herbs, tomatoes, vegetables. He truffle hunts with his basset hound.
I’d be happy to live in either of these two places.
Thanks to book companion and super summary for character lists.
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Many more characters are introduced
How to make friends when you’re over 65
I find myself in a weird spot. I moved to my current location because my Daughter and Son-in-law were here, but when he finished his medical residency, they moved to Northeastern Pennsylvania my younger daughter lives in Sunny Southern California. I cannot afford to live in either one of those places.
My friends from before being divorced have not stayed in contact even though I’ve tried. A couple do stay in contact, but they are very rich and travel and have second homes. They’re always going on trips and I can’t afford to do that plus they are married or they’re single with money.
I am divorced. I work full-time as a Nanny. I’m not a widow. I’m not retired. I’m obviously not married and sadly I find that most women in my age bracket are either married, retired, or widowed. I’m not free to do things during the day and as often as I hear, I love friends in all age brackets, I’ve yet to have one Mother younger than I am, invite me for coffee.
I try to understand because they see me as their mother and not as a potential friend.
I’ve searched online for social groups, but at my age they seem to all meet during the day and I’m not available. I do go to church but again I find no women in my current life stage.
The town I live in is not super small, but it’s not a metropolitan area. There are no museums. There are no concerts for well-known acts. The local community college needs all sorts of paperwork that I no longer have, to be admitted to take a class. I drive to the largest metropolitan area sometimes on the weekend to take cooking classes, but everybody in the class lives in that area and I’m over an hour away. I do go to a library book club but it’s super small and everyone is busy.
This town does not feel like home because Home is where your heart is and my heart is in Pennsylvania and California. I pray diligently and faithfully that God will lead me in the direction I need to go. I just haven’t heard God speak to me in so many years.
Is anyone else out there in my situation?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
More than one place would be my answer. I’d like to live near my daughters, one in PA and one in Southern CA. I’d also like to have a place in the Dordogne region of France. From there I could easily explore Europe and improve my language skills.
With retirement available to me at anytime beginning in August, I’ve begun to think about what will I do.
I only came to one conclusion. I don’t think even after 10 years in this town, I’ll feel its home. Home is where your heart is and clearly mine is in PA and CA.
Do you think humans will ever colonize Mars? What would life there actually look like?
I don’t have an answer. If you had asked a 1st century citizen if people could fly someday or land on the moon, I’m sure they would have said no. than burned you at the stake.
If you asked people dying of a disease that is now curable because of penicillin, would they have dreamed it was possible? They may have hoped but concretely believed I doubt it.
Expect for marvelous scientists who spend countless hours delving into the minutiae of what many of us would consider mundane to find a cure for a disease or explain why something cataclysmic happened, most of us don’t have the fortitude and patience needed to answer most of life’s questions.
Will we colonize Mars, I hope not. We can’t seem to respect and care for the planet we currently inhabit. No reason to go and destroy another one.
What does “having it all” mean to you? Is it attainable?
I suppose the answer is different for everyone. Can someone actually have it all? I thought I had it all then learned painfully over 30 years it was all a lie. More than anything I wanted a faithful, loving husband who was a good father but I refused to accept the truth. He was neither of those things. I thought the big house, luxury vehicle, trips, beautiful furnishings etc was having it all. I was WRONG!
As my life drastically changed, I felt I had lost everything only to realized I had everything that I truly valued. My daughters were the single most important part of my life and as long as we loved each other, I had it all.
And slowly with moving my focus to my relationship with God, growing closer to my daughters, letting go of wrong ideas, my happiness grew.
Happiness abounds now. I have peace, internal and eternal peace. I need nothing. God has provided for all of my needs. I do my best not to dwell on the years I wasted because each day is a glorious gift.
Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?
I have heard when people show you who they are, you need to believe them. I wish I had heard this years ago and taken it to heart.
Throughout my marriage my now ex-husband showed me who he was. He cheated but always promised he would stop. He used nasty pornography but when caught, always promised he’d stop. My daughter and I asked him to quit drinking. He said he didn’t have a problem. Her response was why do I find you passed out of the sofa? He was wanted by the police for illegal sexual behavior but always promised he’d never do it again. At the end he admitted to using prostitutes.
And even then I stayed almost another 3 years. My trusting heart always believed he would stop but he never did. He asked for the divorce not me. Crazy isn’t it when I think about it.
Six years into our marriage he admitted going to a live sex act club in Sydney, Australia. I wish I had acted then and left him. I stayed another 24 years. While my heart would have been sad it wouldn’t have been shattered by 30 years of mistreatment.
So when people show you who they are, believe them!!
How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?
I work for doctors as their nanny. They had to continue to work during the pandemic. My schedule didn’t change. I show up at 7:15 and stay until 5:30. Preschool was cancelled so I had the boys all day. They are sweet most of the time and fun to be around. It kept what could have been a very lonely time from being so lonely. We didn’t wear masks together since they were so young. Their mom would come in and shower in the back room, changing her clothes as not to bring Covid in the house because she had patients who would come in despite knowing they had Covid putting her, the entire staff and all their families at risk. The dad contacted a mild case of Covid early on but had to quarantine for 3 weeks. None of us caught it.
I was unable to go and see my mother who was 83 at the time. I went over 2 years without seeing her. I did risk getting sick to go see my daughters, SIL and grandkids at Christmas. The thought of being alone over Christmas was too much to bear. I did wear a mask if I had to get out.
I stopped going grocery shopping which I didn’t do often anyway. When I was suffering from severe depression I had switched to pickup and I just did pickup all the time during covid.
While life changed dramatically for a lot of people, my life changed very little. I think I may have had covid the end of February 2020 but nothing had been said about it at that time. Since then I have never contracted covid.
The pandemic brought out the worst of people. They became ruder, pushier and greedy. People hoarded basic necessities because they would never dream of doing without or with less.
It has made me aware of how unprepared we are as a nation and how unprepared I am as an individual for another pandemic. The Trump administration handled it so poorly and lies were spread, so normally intelligent people were duped into believing falsehoods, just like they believe the lies about vaccines now. My friend’s young adult brother died because they refused the vaccination, believing the lies.
I pray there is not another pandemic in my lifetime, my children’s lifetime and my grandchildren’s lifetime but I know that is unlikely.
Are you superstitious?
I don’t believe I am superstitious. My sister was born on a Friday the 13th and that was a lucky day for my family. I own a black cat who continues to cross my path and nothing bad happens. I own two ladders but for safety reasons, I don’t walk under them.
I don’t toss salt over my shoulder because seriously I’d have to clean it up. Never having an encounter with a ghost, I don’t believe in them. However I do believe my cats are fully capable of seeing my guardian angel.
I have no lucky charms or rituals. I’d lose a lucky charm and forget a ritual and do it in the wrong order.
So no, I am not superstitious.
Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.
Dede,
Well done. You have a good life. 100 years is a milestone but it is not necessarily the end. I know you and expect that you have plans for the future.
Your love of learning has always been one of your strongest characteristics. What are you learning now?
Your heart is full of love for your daughters, sons-in-laws, grandchildren and your new great-grandchildren. You’ve left a legacy of God loving family members. They love you and love to learn as you do.
When the time comes to say goodbye to this world and see God face to face you can be comforted knowing He will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
*photo of my great grandmother
If there were a biography about you, what would the title be?
Life on an unexpected Path
This is the title of my blog and certainly would be the title of a biography. Why? Because while some people live relatively uneventful lives, not boring lives or not good lives, just lives that head in one direction, my life has not been like that.
Moving from the south to the north and going to 5 schools in 2.5 years, going through culture shock was not pleasant. Then a move to the west was another adjustment. We were not poor but we lived in a very wealthy school district. My friend’s dad used to rent a private plane to fly them to Aspen to ski. We lived in a suburb of Denver. They had a maid and a giant house. Again I went to 5 schools in 2.5 years.
The final move of my adolescence was to Las Vegas. Again culture shock, so different from Denver. Hot and dry, slot machines at the grocery store, obviously different style of clothes, not a pair of hiking boots in school and kids from all sorts of different places made this again a difficult adjustment. Every time I struggled to make friends, only to have to make new ones all over again. Now making friends is so difficult.
It wasn’t all bad. I was Miss Teenage Nevada and competed in the National Pageant. Bob Hope was the emcee and it was on national tv. I had a cancer scare at 20. I worked full time while I went to college full time. Hollywood Squares started filming at The Rivera Hotel and my mother said to me, “You think you’re so smart, prove it. Go audition.” That was the summer of 1980. I got the call in December asking me to be a contestant. At this time Hollywood Squares gave away prizes and not cash. I played 3 games and won all 3 games. My opponent was Rick Presley from Corpus Christi, Texas. I also won the large prize package since I won the most games. In 1980 it was valued at $12,000. Today it would be valued at $47,000. I still have one of the prizes I won. That great high was followed by a broken heart.
Met my ex on a blind date and had a letter writing long distance courtship. Married after only 12 days of actually being together, followed by another move to Iowa and then one to Texas.
I won’t go on. I know millions of people have had more difficult lives but when you are in the middle of change or a challenge it can seem overwhelming. Maybe someday I’ll actually write an autobiography about how to survive and thrive when life gives you many detours.
Life on an Unexpected Path.
How do significant life events or the passage of time influence your perspective on life?
Significant events always make me stop and I either take joy in what my life has been or I lament over what my life hasn’t been.
I often think of the song from the musical Rent, Seasons of Love. 525,600 minutes each year. They are deposited in our bank of time and once it’s spent there are no more deposits until Jan 1 of the following year. Once a moment has happened it is gone forever.
Seasons of Love is exactly how I view my life. The love of great-grandparents who shared their garden and help make many wonderful memories. The pain of leaving friends behind when your family moves. The love of a first boyfriend, a most exciting time, which holds such sweet memories. Followed by marriage and the happiness that immediately follows but doesn’t necessarily last.
The season of motherly love for your children. It’s best expressed by this “ having children is like watching your heart walk around in the world.”
Then the shift from a hands-on mother to a behind the scene mother to adult children. They don’t need you often but you’re always there if they do need you.
Then the heartbreak of the love you thought would last forever when it didn’t. Learning to love your new life and succeeding.
A son-in-law and grandkids arrive and love grows exponentially.
Introduce bonus grandkids and now my heart nearly fits inside my chest.
So my life is broken down into Seasons of Love.
And as I age, taking joy in one day is so important. Because tomorrow is never guaranteed and yesterday is gone and won’t return. Today is the most important time.
Realizing a move was not financially possible, I decided to do updates to my home. While I had done some updates, my kitchen cabinets are in a bad way.
I took it upon myself to paint them a few years ago. At first they looked good but over time they became worn. I priced getting all new cabinets and counters. It was out of my price range. How do I update them without breaking the bank.?
I am getting new cabinet doors and having the bases and new doors painted. I’ll get a new updated look without spending $25,000 or more.
However I failed to realize I would need to remove every single thing from my kitchen. Now my kitchen isn’t large but it’s amazing how much stuff one can stash.
I do not do well in chaos. Some people thrive on it, but I need order. My daughter told me that when your space is a mess it can affect your brain and make your brain feel unsettled. So right now I’m living in a mess and it’s going to get worse as I haven’t even emptied all the cabinets.
What type of environment do you thrive in? An orderly space? A space which shows something is happening? Or an over the top mess full of creativity?
Everything should be completed by next weekend. Which means I know next weekend I’ll be spending my time putting everything back. Will it be like Christmas when you can never fit everything back into the boxes? I hope not.
Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?
It’s been so long since I’ve actually thought ahead and planned my future, there isn’t a list of what I wanted from 2024-2025. Planning stopped in 2013.
Looking forward is something I really need to do again. For the most part, focusing on one day at a time has been what I’ve done.
I used to be a planner and it worked great while my children were growing up. Now as adults they roll their eyes and say, “Mom I have no idea of what I’ll be doing in 3 months or six months or even next year”. When my divorce happened I learned life doesn’t always go according to plans, therefore I stopped planning.
I see now that was wrong. While living in the moment is my utmost goal, looking forward to the future with anticipation and excitement is important too.
My life has not changed much from a year ago. However I’ve lost weight and lowered my blood sugar. I’ve read 20 more books this year than I did last year 50 vs 70 books.
With 2026 knocking on the door, refusing to go away as I ignore it, it’s time to make a vision board. I’ve done that in the past and it worked well. 2026 I’ll be ready for you.
I have begun the slow process of making the house my own. My daughter and family leave on the 14th and I’ll have 3 weeks to hopefully accomplish a lot.
I have spent I think $75 on paint samples. Not sure why selecting colors is always so difficult. I had hoped to keep the dark navy blue In the living/dining area but in the end I decided it would always seem like my daughter’s house unless I changed the colors.
So here is my ‘get it done’ list before the movers come for my furniture mid July.
1- paint the living/dining room
2-prime and paint kitchen cabinets
3-replace kitchen flooring and one bedroom flooring*
4-add backsplash
5-paint kitchen walls
6-new sink, faucet, countertops installed.*
7-new appliances delivered and installed*
8-paint Old kitchen hutch purchased on Craigslist
9-lay sod in backyard*
And those are the things I remember. I’m certain I’m forgetting something. With a 50 hour work week I won’t have lots of free time so focus is imperative.
Wish me luck. I’ll post photos as I begin this coming weekend.
Dede
I know I’ve asked this question before and it is redundant. I had thought I would spend my life in a suburb of DFW. I had been there for 30 years and never dreamed I’d live anywhere else. Then like so many middle aged women, my husband decided he needed a fresh start with a younger woman. So I am left with not just an emotional and financial struggle but the search for where I belong. Where is home? My children are grown and off pursuing their own lives.
There is no particular place I must live and as the little amount of money I have dwindles away, I continue to search for a way to support myself. I feel so displaced, like a fish out of water. Soon I may have little choice. It will be a very small room at my mother’s house or my car. I’d just like to find the one place which will feel like home, the place I belong.
The Power of Story
Pieces of the Whole
Writing New Chapters when Life takes a Detour
read what you love
Enriching my life with books
