Posted in life

Do I know myself?

Lately I’ve been asking myself several questions and I was surprised I couldn’t answer them. They aren’t difficult questions. What do I like to do? What is my personal style? What are my best qualities? What am I good at? Questions many people never ask because they already know. I thought I knew the answers to these questions but lately I’ve realized I have very little idea of who I am.

Strange because at the age of 58, society says you know yourself. You have life experience and can define who you are. Not the case for me. I think like many women, I defined myself as wife and mother. I haven’t been a wife for five years and although I’m a mother, my daughters are grown. The divorce put me in a downward spiral which I am happy to say is over.

Now I am left with so many questions. I put “me” on the back burner, completely forgetting who I am and what I like. In fact I’m not certain I ever knew the answers to those questions. As a perpetual people pleaser, it never occurred to me to even consider what I wanted.

Due to life circumstances I will be moving to a new city in about 18 months. I have no idea where I’ll be going. I’ll have to decide whether to follow my daughter and her family, move home and in with my mother, stay put here (without family or friends) or put the decision on hold and travel. My girls tell me staying here or traveling is just putting off life and living.

I think they are right. If I had the financially ability to buy a home, it might be an easier decision. Renting makes me feel rootless. My goal this year is to get to know myself and discover what I want.

I’d love to hear how you’ve learned who you are, what you’re good at, how you define yourself and how you discovered what you want in life.

Author:

I am always learning something new about life. My life is made richer by friends, family, travel, experiences and books.

3 thoughts on “Do I know myself?

  1. I know what you mean, Dede. I retired when I was about your age. I felt I had lost my identity because I was no longer an Instructional Designer. For the next three years I took on part-time contract work but that turned out to not be very satisfying. I stopped that just under a year ago and have thrown myself into the creative arts. I write poetry, attend a writers group, started taking watercolor classes and started volunteering at a homeless shelter. I feel like I am finding myself and discovering passions that I had put on hold for work. Your situation may be very different from mine, but trying new things and throwing myself into old passions (poetry) has helped me redefine myself. Hope that helps.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t have enough money not to work. I was a stay at home wife and mother. Searched for work since 2013 and have never had an offer. Right now I work 50+ hours as a nanny right now. Next summer I will have to decide if I stay here and continue to be a nanny or follow my kids. I try not to get anxious but I do.

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