Years ago I took a Bible study class and the question was asked if we would want to know our future if we were not able to change whatever may come? I said yes. Everyone else who was 15-20 years older than I was, said no. They explained that as humans if we knew the future we would spend our time focusing on the hardships and sorrows to come rather than embrace the joys we would experience. At the time I wasn’t sure I understood. I do now. If I had known fifteen years ago the heartache, betrayal and pain my husband (now ex-husband) would bring, I would have missed twelve years that did hold many happy times with my daughters, family and friends. My focus would have been on all the wrong things.
I don’t know what my future holds. Right now I find looking too far down the path frightening. I spent 30 years of my life working towards a life I no longer can have. I’ve spent the last three years being very bitter and angry because I feel like my life was stolen from me. However the bitterness and anger can’t sustain me. I have to move forward and build I new vision for my life. Hence the name of my blog, Life Rewritten. I am having to rewrite my future.
What I hope the future holds is good health for myself and my family. I hope I finally let go of the bitterness and anger, and move towards gratefulness and joy. I hope I finally can find a job so I can support myself.I hope to find a way to truly make a difference in this world. I hope my daughters and son-in-law stay joyful and happy. I hope my single daughter find Mr. Right. I hope I eventually have grandchildren. Those are my hopes and I believe there is a high probability of those things happening. Now for my dreams, I don’t honestly think they will happen. I dream of meeting Mr. Right (not likely at my age because men like younger women). I dream of owning a home and not living in an apartment for the rest of my life. I dream of being able to afford to travel again.
But we will never know our futures until our future is in our past. And we can’t change our pasts or completely control our futures. So faith becomes key. Hebrews 11:1 NIV “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
My life on an unexpected path 
I am glad I couldn’t have known the future.
I was happy with my life and everything in it.
I would not have wanted to know that my only child would die at 25.
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I am so sorry to hear of your loss. A close friend recently lost her 35 year old daughter in a senseless accident. I do think I would have lived in fear rather than loving my life if I had known my future. Wishing you joy.
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Dede,
Oh my heart breaks for your friend.There are no words to really comfort her at this time. Just be there for her.
I can honestly say that I am glad I didn’t know the last time I saw Bobby that it would be my last.
I would never have left .
The last time I saw him was an hour or so before he had his asthma attack. He was happy. I was happy. I love you were said as they always were. Hugs were given.
I have joy in my life.
I have to look for it more now. Whereas It came so easily before.
I look forward to more conversations with you. Happy Friday. HUGS
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There are things in the Bible that your class had perhaps overlooked. I’m a Christian. The idea that you can not change the future is not biblical. Of course, everything you do affects the future. Prayer for instance. And with man, there are limits. But with God, all things are possible. And Jesus, to whom all control has been given, was there at the beginning, and is still there, even onto the end of the age. We are given a choice. Heaven, or Hell. Pretty easy decision when you think about it. That’s why there is Baptism. That is man’s decision, or available choices concerning eternity. I can agree, I might not want to know. That would be the gift of prophecy, and it would be be frightful indeed. However, we have a certain amount of prophecy anyway. But only limited. To try and imagine not being able to change, or at least affect the future would be to try and imagine usurping God. I can’t imagine it. I don’t like thinking about it. Too much responsibility. I would freeze up trying to consider the possibilities. And at times in my past, maybe I have hesitated. He who hesitates is lost. But to never stop and consider possible outcomes is the action of a fool, unless it is not important at all. And that would be passing judgement on the outcome. And that would be to relieve Jesus of his control. ..and as the One who inherits ,and now has, the final judgement, … a solemn responsibility. My imagination doesn’t go that far.
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The question wasn’t intended to mean we couldn’t change our future. It was meant to question would we have faith and focus on the positive even if we knew the specific bad stuff ahead. Clearly if I had known what my future held I would have made different choices. However God chooses not be to a fortune teller. Faith must be there without knowing what will happen to us here in this life. We know our next life is secure.
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I’m starting my life over at 55 for totally different reasons than you — but the reasons hardly matter. I faced a sense of betrayal, the anger and bitterness at someone I trusted and the fear that all I’d worked toward was lost. All, or some, of the things you’re describing. We have knowledge and understanding those younger than us can’t appreciate, but make what we have to offer so valuable. Moving forward, right?
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Well, you were married for a lot longer than I, but the inciting “incident” was the same and I had to work through all those dark feelings when my child was very young and needy. I had been raised by a mom who didn’t let go of the acrimony from HER situation, and it impacted every corner of my life. I wanted to do better for my daughter. Yes, move forward or you can get swallowed in the muck and mire. My best advice: LOVE yourself in small ways so you are reminded of how valuable you are. I added color to my small post-separation apartment and started collecting things that made me smile. It was a visual buoy that kept me afloat. Sadly, there are legions of women who swam these rough waters before you. When they throw you life-preservers, hang on. 🙂
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Best thing I’m finding about blogging is the support I’ve found
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I completely agree! It was a very nice surprise for me!
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I bought my first home at 50. I got my GED at 53 (although I did go to college in my 30s). My ex left when our daughter was 22 months old and I have been a single mom for 23+ years–my daughter is flying. Try to reframe your life: you are now FREE to live the live you dream and dictate how you spend your time. Try taking your happiness out of the hands of other people. When I couldn’t find a job for 20 months, I learned the Adobe Creative Suite at 55 and won a design award at 60. It is NEVER too late. Learn from the past, but don’t let it serve as a harness. You CAN have your dream life! Give yourself permission.
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