I watched A&E’s tv show Intervention. It focuses on drug addicts that agree to do a documentary but in the end there is an intervention. Two things stood out to me while watching the show:
1st: I missed multiple opportunities to insist on intervention with my ex-husband and his addictions. Had I been honest with myself and my friends from the first time the police called, there might have been a chance to save him and save our marriage. But instead just like some of the family members on the tv show, I chose to ignore the seriousness of his addictions and how destructive they were and still are.
2nd: I saw too many silimaritirs between drug addiction and the way it destroys families and my depression. I don’t drink or use drugs but I’ve allowed my depression to become an addiction. I’ve taken steps to get help and I’m slowly getting better. But seeing first hand how heartbroken the families are watching their loved ones suffer and how much suffering it causes them made me realize I have to fight harder.
I have to fight every second of every day to forgive myself for allowing my ex-husband to mentally and emotionally abuse me. I have to fight to forgive myself for not leaving. I have to forgive myself for disappointing my daughters.
I have wonderful girls. They make me proud and happy everyday. They along with my son-in-law have stood by me. They have been strong and stood up to their father and refused to accept his behavior and his failure to admit his addictions and how he has hurt our family. They’ve also been strong and stood up to me and told me they know I can do better, be better and be happier.
All I can do is face the reality of my situation and fight my way back. I never deserved to be treated the way I was. I never deserved to be disrespected, ignored or cheated on. I deserve so much more.
My life on an unexpected path 
Interesting perspective on depression as an addiction. That’s a very personal observation and I appreciate you sharing it. I’m sorry you went through all that you did with your ex-husband. His addiction is his responsibility, while you may have had some, don’t take on more than you should. You deserve to be treated with respect and appreciated for who you are, inside and out.
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Yes, Dede, you do deserve better. I was in a very similar situation. My first husband was horrifically, emotionally abusive. Neither my children nor I could ever live up to his standards. He expected perfection from everyone but himself; he believed he was the perfect husband and father and expected everyone to view him that way. His children don’t see him much, and he can’t understand why. He was also addicted to porn and had rather warped views of reality. I am now married to a man who is the total opposite of him, and I am finally happy and confident again, but it has taken years of rebuilding. Don’t settle for anything less because you deserve more!!!
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