My soul is tired. My mind is tired. I cling to hope but as the days go by my grasp is slipping. Whether I like it or not, I cannot make it without a job. I do not want to live in my car. I don’t want to move into the tiny, tiny, overcrowded room in my mother’s house. I’m willing to downsize more. I’ve gone from 4200 sq feet to 1000 sq feet but even a small apartment costs money.
I don’t know what else to do. I’ve applied for every type of job you can imagine. I’ve had no success. Even though I pray and hold on to the hope that God will provide me with a job or a sense of what I should do, but so far I am still completely in the dark. I start thinking I should have sucked it up and stayed married to an emotionally abusive man and then I realize I wouldn’t have survived. But the lure of financial security is strong.
I was scared but now I’m just too weary to even be frightened.