Category: life

Posted in life

It’s Official

Posted on by Dede

It’s official. My daughter and her family will be moving to Pennsylvania. They’ve never lived anywhere but Texas. This was a job opportunity her husband couldn’t pass up.

The dilemma for me is I want to go with them. However I have to work, I am almost out of money from my divorce. I’ve applied for every type of job imaginable. And I’ve had fewer than 5 interviews and no job offers. So I am not hopeful it’ll be any different in PA than it has been in TX.

I’d consider moving to be near by other daughter but she’s in LA and doesn’t plan on staying there. She’s job searching right now.

The move is 15 months away. It feels as one of my worst nightmares is coming true. I’ll be alone, no friends, no family, struggling to get by.

I don’t want to live with them. Not a good idea for us. I’m doing my best to pray and trust God. Never in a million years did I think I’d find myself in this position. Please pray for me and a solution to my dilemma.

Posted in life, movie, values

Post Apocalyptic Clothing

Posted on by Dede

The newest trend in clothing is called the post apocalyptic look. Clothing has been basically destroyed to give the impression you’ve survived a horrific war or live in a dystopian society. Call me old fashioned but I think this idea is disrespectful to the millions of people around the world who live in poverty and to those who live daily with war or in the aftermath of war.

There are no options for these people. They live in tattered clothing because they truly are living the nightmare so many teens read about or watch on the movie screen and romanticize. I’m sure millions would love to have one clean new T-shirt, one clean new pair of jeans and a decent pair of shoes.

You don’t have to even travel to a foreign country to see the effects of poverty and war. Struggling Americans and war refugees are right here. Why the fashion industry has decided to make money using tragic situations such as poverty and war, is beyond me.

Take a stand. Don’t buy torn, frayed clothing or clothing with holes in it. Respect those who have no choices.

Posted in depression, divorce, life

Triggers

Posted on by Dede

When a person is in a battle with depression, most will find they have triggers. Post divorce, my depression was so serious, I spent weeks and months as a recluse. It has been a lot of hard work climbing out of that dark pit, but I see light now and don’t want to wander into the darkness again.

Working with a therapist was the best decision I made but it took going through several before I found the right one for me. He helped me learn to recognize my triggers. This has enabled me to be ready for what I used to think was depression from out of the blue.

For me:

Trigger #1: A change in seasons. It’s a reminder of the things my ex and I used to do at specific times of the year. Like now spring is coming and I’m feeling the tug to buy lots of flowers for the yard. Only trouble is I don’t really have any place to plant anything.

Trigger #2: Certain music. Typically if the words remind me my ex put no effort into saving our marriage, I’ll feel down for a day or two.

Whatever it takes by Lifehouse

Trigger #3: Certain scents. I’ve read that scent is the strongest evoker of memories. It never fails when I smell burning leaves I break down. Why? That is a scent I associate with the early days of my marriage.

Of course there are a few more triggers, but before I allow my emotions to take control of me, I have some quiet time and reflect. Asking myself questions to determine why I feel myself falling backwards.

It takes time. And I’ve learned growing old is a privilege not everyone gets. I don’t want to waste anymore days in the darkness.

Posted in life

Real Smiles

Posted on by Dede

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Somewhere I read the way to tell the difference between a real smile and a fake smile is that a real smile goes all the way to the eyes. And that’s how I made a major discovery. Getting my picture taken has never been something I liked doing. Why? Like so many people, the photos were always bad. I never liked the way I looked.

Once I read the smile has to go all the way to the eyes, I realized all the photos of myself that I love, I am really happy. Looking back at old pictures, when I was posing, worried about how I would look, the photos were never flattering.

With this little snippet of information, I always try to think of people I love, a happy memory or something planned for my future. It is no longer torture to have my photo taken.

Posted in life

Ready for a change

Posted on by Dede

I am starting a new blog. I am keeping LifeRewritten to write about my life struggles post divorce and to vent my emotions.

However, I will now be utilizing Refreshing-Life.com for the happier side of life. It will take about 2-3 days to go live. I invite you to check it out and follow me.

Posted in depression, life
Posted on by Dede

 

Why am I telling this story? It’s simple. There are so many simple ways to find joy. I know when you are down, it can seem to be a monumental task to even start the littlest project. I just hope you find some inspiration here so you aren’t stuck (Like I was) in a dark place.

I have so much fun spending time with a toddler. When I was a young mother, I didn’t have as much patience as I do now. And anyone who has spent time with a toddler knows patience is key to success.

When my girls were young, I always enjoyed doing fun projects with them. And when we had many rainy days recently, I knew I needed to come up with something to make waking up in the morning an exciting activity for a two-year old. I had no idea how successful this little project would be.

Taking lima beans, the kind you buy dried at the grocery store, and placing theIMG_6587.JPGm between wet paper towels, my little guy and I, placed them in ziploc bags and put them in a dark place. Within the next week or so, the beans sprouted roots. Our next step was to plant the seeds into tiny pots.

My guy’s job was to water them everyday. It was always the first thing he wanted to do. And when they spouted above the soil, there was so much excitement in the house. Now it is time to replant them into a large pot and have them climb a tomato cage.

And as the plants grow towards the son, you too can find the light in your life.

 

Posted in communication, divorce, Faith, life

Changing Direction

Posted on by Dede

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Say hello to my family. It isn’t exactly the family I imagined I’d have. My husband, the girls’ father isn’t in the picture anymore, literally and figuratively. For a long time after he left, I felt like a failure. It took a few years, lots of counseling, support from my daughters and son-in-law, and loads of prayer to finally understand I wasn’t a failure.

I did spend lots of time being mad at God. I couldn’t understand why He didn’t answer my prayer to save my marriage. Slowly but surely God guided me to an understanding that sometimes He doesn’t say Yes, but He says I have something better planned for you.

I am no longer on the journey to a 50th wedding anniversary and it still disappoints me, but I’ve experienced so much joy in the last few years, I am beginning to grasp God’s plan. I don’t have the power to see into the future so I don’t actually know which direction God will be taking me next. I’ve moved 6 times since 2012 and have gone from living in 4200 sq. ft house with a pool and home theater to a 1000 sq. ft duplex. I live in a town I didn’t even know existed until a few years ago. I live here because I wanted to be close to my daughter and son-in-law.

In less than 18 months, they will be moving across the country to the Northeast. My other daughter lives in CA. Again, having my girls living so far apart wasn’t part of my plan. I still pray God can work it out so we can all live near one another.  I will continue to work daily on trusting him,

My life is going in a new direction and I am waiting to see where that leads me.

Posted in life

What’s in a Name

Posted on by Dede

Have you ever wondered if your personality would be different if you’d been given another name? I wonder about that because there is such a disparity between my name and my sister’s name. Ok, I’ll admit it’s strictly my own opinion. But how many people dislike their name?

Full disclosure. I am name after my maternal grandmother, whom I loved. I just never loved her name. The story goes my mother wanted to name me after a beautiful dancer but her mother made her feel so guilty concerning naming me, she relented and named me after her mother. I became legally Daphna Delores. Every time I type my legal name it’s highlighted as a misspelled word. No one can pronounce it. The closest anyone ever gets is Daphne.

My sister came along two years later and was named after the beautiful dancer, Cyd Charisse. She left the hospital as Charisse Anne. She grew into a successful and beautiful woman with natural blonde hair. She was always popular with a sunny disposition. Every time we moved, it would take me a full year to make friends. My sister, on the other hand, would have all sorts of friends and even a boyfriend!

I’ve always been overly serious but a name like Daphna isn’t for someone fun and carefree. Now at 18 months I received the nickname Dede and for most of my life I’ve been known as Dede, but that’s not my real name. My real name is on all the official documents of my life. So each and every time I move, change jobs, got married, got divorced etc Daphna Delores shows up.

What I’d like to know is if I had been named Charisse or Charlotte or Samantha etc would I have a less serious personality? Would I be more light-hearted? Would I have been popular? I’ve also been curious if someone didn’t know my name, just by looking at me, what would their guess be?

Posted in life

Not Me

Posted on by Dede

I, like many of you, never believed people when they said your life will go by quickly. No, I had years ahead of me. I wouldn’t grow old for eons.

Of course if you’re over 50, you now realize those people were right. I went to bed 24, newly married with a lifetime of hopes and dreams. I wake up now, I’m 58, divorced and forgotten how to dream.

Posted in life, shopping

Best Buy Confusion

Posted on by Dede

Can you explain this to me?

Okay I got the image from Best Buy website.

2 weeks ago I purchased a new MAC laptop which was regularly $1299 and was on sale for $1199. I bought two other items which were not on sale and not Apple products. I realized yesterday I bought a DVD writer and not an external Blu-ray player. I hadn’t opened the DVD writer, so I wanted to exchange it.

When I exchanged the $40 DVD writer which I apparently paid $32 receiving a 20% discount, for a $75 external Blu-ray player I was shocked when I saw my total. It said I owed $154. My math skills were perfectly able to see there was some gross error. How could I owe three times as much as I expected? $75-$32=$43 right?

I then received a very poor explanation from the manager. She explained I purchased a bundle. I explained I did not. The computer was priced at $1199 and didn’t require I buy anything else. She repeatedly told me I had purchased a bundle.

Now folks, I worked in retail a long time and I can assure you I am a savvy consumer. I’m very aware of any specials and just because I received a 20% discount on one item, doesn’t mean I bundled my purchase. If I had paid for each item separately, I would have spent $8 more but I could have then returned my unneeded DVD writer.

She never could fix the problem. Giving me the old it’s a computer glitch. Has this ever happened to anyone else? I finally gave up and just bought the external Blu-ray player for $75.

Posted in life

Do I know myself?

Posted on by Dede

Lately I’ve been asking myself several questions and I was surprised I couldn’t answer them. They aren’t difficult questions. What do I like to do? What is my personal style? What are my best qualities? What am I good at? Questions many people never ask because they already know. I thought I knew the answers to these questions but lately I’ve realized I have very little idea of who I am.

Strange because at the age of 58, society says you know yourself. You have life experience and can define who you are. Not the case for me. I think like many women, I defined myself as wife and mother. I haven’t been a wife for five years and although I’m a mother, my daughters are grown. The divorce put me in a downward spiral which I am happy to say is over.

Now I am left with so many questions. I put “me” on the back burner, completely forgetting who I am and what I like. In fact I’m not certain I ever knew the answers to those questions. As a perpetual people pleaser, it never occurred to me to even consider what I wanted.

Due to life circumstances I will be moving to a new city in about 18 months. I have no idea where I’ll be going. I’ll have to decide whether to follow my daughter and her family, move home and in with my mother, stay put here (without family or friends) or put the decision on hold and travel. My girls tell me staying here or traveling is just putting off life and living.

I think they are right. If I had the financially ability to buy a home, it might be an easier decision. Renting makes me feel rootless. My goal this year is to get to know myself and discover what I want.

I’d love to hear how you’ve learned who you are, what you’re good at, how you define yourself and how you discovered what you want in life.

Posted in God, life, Uncategorized

Second Chances

Posted on by Dede

God has taken my life down a path I never imagined. This path has been a very bumpy ride but it has brought me a deeper faith and given me an opportunity I never thought I would have.

As a young mother I did my best to be a good mom and make memories with my daughters. Of course as life teaches us hindsight is 20/20 and I can now look back and see many times I was too busy just to enjoy my daughters. So I can’t even begin to express my gratitude to God for bringing me to this place in my life.

I now work 50+ hours a week as a nanny but while I’m paid I don’t feel like a nanny. In fact that the oldest renamed me Mimi. The two boys I watch are like grandsons to me. (Top 2 photos). And to make this blessing even grander, my own daughter and son-in-law gave me a grandson in June. (Bottom photo). I get to spend my time with these three precious boys and I have the wisdom to know just to enjoy the moments and not stress out over little things. My life is overflowing with love.

I wouldn’t have picked or imagined this life for myself which is why I am so thankful God knows best because it’s been many years since I’ve been this happy and had this much peace.

Wishing you Joy and love this Christmas and every day in 2018.

Posted in life

Someone else’s life

Posted on by Dede

Have you ever had a time when you thought to yourself, I am living someone else’s life. This isn’t my life. It must belong to some other person because in my life I am not alone and struggling. I’m not living in a nondescript town with no friends and no life. In my life I’m not working 50 plus hours a week with no health insurance. This black and white life with no color, can’t be my life.

My life is supposed to be colorful, full of friends, family and experiences. I’m supposed to be living in a quaint town with lots of history and four seasons. In my real life I have a circle of close friends who are there for me and I for them. My life is full of travel opportunities and chances to learn and experience new things. I have a home which is always open to friends and family. I give my time and talents to my church and those in need. I don’t work 50 hours a week. I don’t worry about getting sick because I have health insurance. And I don’t get lonely because I have a loving and caring husband. That is my life or I should say the life I imagined I would have.

Then I wake up and realize my real life is what I first described.

Posted in choices, Goal, life

Well said

Posted on by Dede

I think this young blogger has set some high but very obtainable goals. I haven’t set any goals for myself in several years. Disappointment always seemed to follow me around but God is slowly changing my life perspective. So, tomorrow I will take the time to make my own list of 2017 life goals. Follow the link to read:

2017 life

Posted in life, love, Uncategorized

Imperfections 

Posted on by Dede


When you buy a diamond, the jeweler examines it for flaws. The fewer flaws it has, the higher the price. It has a greater value. I think our society has fallen into this trap except we apply the microscope to people. If they have the smallest flaw, they are dismissed. We all know the power of photoshop. I fall into this trap and don’t want to post any photo of myself unless I remove the eye wrinkles and whiten my teeth. Heaven forbid if I had some real rather than perceived flaw. If we are are privileged enough to live to old age, we will have wrinkles, scars, skin folds etc. Only those who die young, die without evidence of living. 

I love the Winston Graham novels about Ross Poldark. And in book four The Black Moon, his wife is embarrassed about her scarred knees. In the modern world the husband would be giving her the name of a good plastic surgeon so she could ‘fix’ the scars. But Ross says one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read, “Blemishes on the beauty of a person one loves are like grace notes adding something to a piece of music.” 

I can add nothing more profound or loving to that statement.

Posted in choices, Dreaming, Goal, life, love, Moving, New life, Uncategorized

Where is Autumn?

Posted on by Dede

Falling leaves?

Nowhere to be seen.

Crisp air?

Nothing but a hot breeze.

Red, orange, yellow bright?

Not here among the green.

Burning leaves and pumpkin patches?

Just scorching rays and sweat down the back.

I long to live in a place which says goodbye to summer with bright flashes of color, deep scents of cinnamon, pumpkin and apple. I long to have a home where the windows let in a cool breeze for a night of refreshing of sleep. A place which offers a new experience for all my senses with the passing of each month. Will I ever be able to live in my wonderland?

Posted in depression, Experience, life, Uncategorized

Square Peg

Posted on by Dede

That’s me, the square peg who has tried for more than 50 years to fit in a round hole. I’ve never been able to make it work. And now living in a place forced upon me by financial poverty, I find it’s even more difficult to fit in.

I don’t think it’s impossible for me to have whittled and carved myself so I would fit into a round hole but in order to do that, I would have needed an idea of what I was supposed to be.  As I’ve said before I never really dreamed of being anything except a wife, mother, mother-in-law and eventually grandmother. 

It’s as though I’m lost in a great wide ocean just drifting about with no place to drop anchor. I can’t drift forever but I belong nowhere. There is no place for me to fit in or call home anymore.

Posted in daughters, Experience, family, life, love, Uncategorized

Freedom for those we love

Posted on by Dede


“We have to live our own lives. We have to give freedom to those we love.” Ross Poldark in Angry Tide by Winston Graham

Ross makes this comment as he and his wife leave their children behind as they head to London. Demelza is sad upon leaving the children at home and Ross reminds her that before she knows it the children will be leaving her.

As a parent we all must face the moment when we know our children are adults and independent. It’s bittersweet because you want them to grow up, live their lives and be happy but you will forever miss your babies. I think that is one reason as a parent it is sometimes difficult to step back when they are adults and let them find their way. In our eyes they are still our babies. As a mother there is always this overwhelming desire you fight to keep them children.

I always knew my children would grow up and go out on their own, making their way in the world. What I never thought about was the first statement Ross makes. We have to live our own lives. I forgot in those years as a mother and wife I needed to make a life of my own separate from them. It is even more true now that I am divorced. I never thought about being anyone other than a wife and mother. It is much more challenging than I anticipated to find my own way in the world. I feel like the one who has had adulthood thrust upon her unexpectedly.

I know my passion but the question is can I make a living? Can I support myself? Do I have the discipline needed to focus and make it work? That is yet to be determined

Posted in choices, Experience, life, Uncategorized

Solution 

Posted on by Dede

The first step in finding a solution is to identify the problem. I’ve identified the problem: fear of being happy and enjoying myself. I can see it so clearly now when I look at photos. Somewhere along the way, I accepted there was a barrier keeping me from happiness and the ability to just enjoy life.

I accepted I was someone who wasn’t meant to have fun, enjoy my life and just relax and live in the moment. Oh I’m sure with enough time, money and therapy an expert could tell me why I believe such a lie. I don’t care why, but I do want a solution.

Does anyone else suffer from this same problem? Does anyone else feel like they are on the outside looking in? Does anyone else hold back from truly living for fear of being judged or ridiculed? Have you found a solution? If so, I’d love hear how you broke through. I don’t want to waste another day on the outside looking in. 

Posted in daily prompt, depression, Faith, family, life, Uncategorized

Cheat

Posted on by Dede

Webster’s definition (directly copied from Webster’s dictionary).

Simple Definition of cheat : to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something 

: to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule 

: to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get

Hear the word cheat and some very vivid images come to mind; an unfaithful spouse, a scam artist, a dieter eating a candy bar,  a student who didn’t study but many of us would say we don’t cheat. We might even say we’ve never cheated but upon closer introspection I think most of us would find we cheat everyday.

Whether it’s driving a little over the speed limit, forgetting to signal when we turn, saying we did something like take out the garbage when we actually haven’t done it yet. Or what about cheating our children of precious connection? That’s one of my biggest gripes. It never fails, I always see parents talking on their phones or playing with a tablet and completely ignoring their children. When we give our focus to unimportant things we are denying our children of what they deserve, an engaged and interactive parent. See definition #3-prevent someone from having something he/she deserves. We cheat.

Human beings crave connection. We aren’t meant to live without emotional connection to other human beings. Close personal relationships help protect against depression. But close, meaningful connections don’t happen without time and effort. We spend the most time on the things, people, experiences we value. Like the bible says, “where your treasure is (what in your life you deem important-it doesn’t have to be money) so will your heart be.


If tomorrow you had to make a list in order of where you spend your time and place your focus what would it look like? I’m not advocating quitting a job. But don’t cheat yourself and those you love out of a deep connection by being distracted and focused on the temporary things life has to offer.

Daily Prompt